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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think people get to het up about the word stupid

110 replies

2shoes · 01/06/2008 12:15

of course to use it again and again would make a child abit
but to class it as a swear word seems.......well stupid
IMO there are a lot worse words out there. and I find the whole "stupid" thing weird.
and ds how many more words are going to become taboo.

OP posts:

Original poster

2shoes · 01/06/2008 22:30

KM i know. twas a joke you know

OP posts:

SofiaAmes · 01/06/2008 22:32

The comment about not associating with her children was because she clearly feels that it's ok for her children to call others stupid and I wouldn't want my children to be subjected to that. My ds (7) came home a few weeks ago in tears because another boy in his class had called his mother (me) crazy. I was going to speak to the boy's mother but was told by another parent that he had done the same thing to her son (he too had come home in tears). I am fairly confident that that means that in that household calling people names is ok. I am not going to change that behavior, so the best I can do for my ds is to tell him to avoid that child so that he doesn't get hurt again. 2shoes has made it very clear that she feels that it's ok and therefore I think it's likely that if I met her in real life I would choose not to associate with her because I would not want my children being subjected to being called names by her or her children. I don't think that's an insult, it's just a statement of what I choose for my children. I wouldn't choose to let them play with kids who swear or hit either. There are plenty of parents who have different priorities. In fact, plenty of kids avoid my ds because he's rather dreamy and odd and his best friend has aspergers and they play "weird" games with imaginary beings that the other kids don't get. I don't take that as an insult...it's just different choices for different parents. But I would get upset if those kids sought out my ds and called him weirdo or nerd.

KerryMum · 01/06/2008 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsDemeanor · 01/06/2008 22:43

You know, I'd bet in RL 2shoes doesn't let her kids call other people names (especially after what she said about people calling her dd a 'retard' ), and SofiaAmes wouldn't call anyone stupid or ban her kids from seeing 2shoes' kids. This is just one of those mad internet things!

Original poster

2shoes · 01/06/2008 22:47

the funny thing is our dc's wouldn't want to know each other any way. ds is 16 and dd has cp.
so there you go.
Funny thing apart from messing about with ds today. I couldn't tell you the last time I used the word stupid in rl. it just isn't one that pops to mind.
if people want to be rude about other peoples dc's on here fine. up to them. but bit tragic imo.

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 01/06/2008 22:48

Hmm. I think you could have just stopped at saying you wouldn't want to associate with 2shoes though. The rest was unnecessary. Despite your lengthy justification.

Original poster

2shoes · 01/06/2008 22:52

never mind it's not like we will ever meet in rl anyway.
I think mn can get mad at times and people get carried away.

OP posts:

MsDemeanor · 01/06/2008 22:53

My mediation techniques are absolutely crap, aren't they?

Original poster

2shoes · 01/06/2008 22:57

OP posts:

bluenosesaint · 01/06/2008 23:01

Can't knock you for trying though MsDemeanor

purpleduck · 01/06/2008 23:32

to answer OP (although I see that the thread has moved on in a rather [ahem] interesting way...)

I don't like the word because my dad spent alot of time telling me I was stupid. The word raises my hackles.
Funny, I didn't realise so many people had issues with it

I do call my kids "Bone head" every now and again. In a very loving way of course. They say the same to me when I am being a twit.

I don't like "shut up" either, but I guess that is a different thread

squilly · 02/06/2008 07:41

Stupid isn't a swear word. Neither is vagina, but I woudln't want to hear people yelling it at my kids as a matter of course.

I don't like the word...we try not to use it in our house.

squilly · 02/06/2008 07:44

Pupleduck....r u me? I nearly posted the same comments, having looked at the original post only and not having much time but decided not to make it about me and my dad. I nearly said it makes my hackles rise too, but scrubbed it.

purpleduck · 02/06/2008 13:51

squilly - rofl at someone shouting VAGINA at someone who then has a very confused look on their face.....

There seems to be alot of people who were called "stupid" as a child... but then I think children weren't respected as much as they are today.

Psychomum5 · 02/06/2008 13:54

2shoes.....you are very welcome on my explanation....I am aware that some people look at me and wonder on my choices......normally very simple in my head, not in others tho.

Original poster

2shoes · 02/06/2008 15:21

I got all confuse and had visions of a school aged child thinking it was swearing then having other kids lol at him/her.
now I understand want you meant.

OP posts:

Mamazon · 02/06/2008 15:35

I have met 2shoes.
she is lovely and not at all rude or offensive (unlike moi)

sofia - im sorry but what you said was out of order. you were picking on the sort of typo that is found ten a penny on a forum as fast paced as this. yes i did see what you were trying to do in you OP. you wanted to use the term stupid to 2shoes to show how hurtfull it was.
Others have done the same, the difference being thatthey chose hypothetical situations.

As for your comments about her children, your a disgrace. but seeing as both 2shoes' children are fabulous i don't imagine they would be too bothered with someone not wanting their children to associate with them....especially if the mother was as precious as you appear to be.

squilly · 02/06/2008 18:44

Oh Mamazon. I love your style...you always seem to say the right thing and good on you for sticking up for others!

Original poster

2shoes · 02/06/2008 19:04

mamazon is lovely
glad to have her as a mate.

OP posts:

nooka · 02/06/2008 23:23

I don't understand this thread at all. 2shoes starts off by saying that basically she thinks it's fine to call someone stupid, so long as they don't do it again and again. Then sophia finds a way to test this theory, and calls her stupid for a typo. 2shoes then shows how hurtful calling someone stupid is by getting upset, and calls sophia both stupid and childish. Sophia responds by saying she wouldn't want to associate with her or her children.

Conclusion - insulting people is not nice or clever and is something we should be advising our children not to do.

Calling someone stupid in my view is equivalent to calling them thick or a retard (Durbrain is nasty too IMO), or calling them ugly or any other insult. I seem to recall the NSPCC having a campaign about it not that long ago.

I have occassionally told ds that something he has done was stupid, when he has done something dangerous and it clearly hit very hard. Children's self esteem can be fragile (actually I think this thread shows clearly that adults aren't that robust either) and I do think we should be vey careful in what we say.

SofiaAmes · 03/06/2008 00:47

Thank you nooka. I think you have given a very reasonable summary of what took place. However, I do want to point out that I never actually called 2shoes stupid. I asked how she would feel if I were to call her stupid simply for making a mistake. However, in response, I was called a whole slew of not very nice things.
And I stand by my response that I would not choose to spend time with people who treat me like that and the advice I give to my ds when kids at school call him (or me) names is to avoid them. If 2shoes showed up calling me or ds names, I would tell my children to stay away from her. And I certainly don't let my kids anywhere near mumsnet for exactly that reason...way too much swearing and insulting going on.

Tortington · 03/06/2008 01:10

whilst one's dh is putting in red and white thngs together on a hot wash - one should say " Darling, that is incorrect. Red things may well stain the white things. Even though i have explained many times, i am always in the mood despite life circumstancest exlain to you yet again that red and white is not a good combination. Please next time try and remember."

or one could say " stp being for bloody stupid, jesus H christ have you got no sodding common sense. how many times do i have to tell you? i wasn't born with a fuckingwashing mchine manual stuck to my pissin' head y' know"

there is a moral to this story.

lose the Bodenesq shite people.

SofiaAmes · 03/06/2008 01:16

All rules go out the window for dh's as it is impossible to remain calm and bite one's tongue in the face of the things they do. I just save the energy for trying to let loose in front of the kids. Mine put my favorite cashmere sweater (20 years I had carefully washed it on delicate) in the hot wash AND dryer. And then expected praise for having done the laundry. (never mind he left all the kids' pooey and vomity clothes for me to do)

Quattrocento · 03/06/2008 01:19

Okay

I think it is not only acceptable but absolutely necessary to insult someone by calling them stupid when they say they no longer give a shit about the third world

Tortington · 03/06/2008 01:28

but stupid is a bad word - can't you use another turn of phrase

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