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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think rehearsal dinners should be paid for?

127 replies

Sundaycoffee · 04/09/2025 19:50

I'm a bridesmaid at my friends wedding in November. She is a bride on a budget. I've had to pay for my own dress, shoes, makeup etc which is fine and I'm happy to do. The wedding is a 2 hour drive away so I'm also paying for a hotel for 2 nights and quite frankly I can't afford anything more. Alongside the hen, do the wedding will cost me around £600 and that's before even thinking about a gift.
She's since told me that they will be having a "rehearsal dinner" the evening before. I've never attended one before and I'm not sure if I'm being expected to pay for my own meal or is it generally assumed that these are covered by the hosts? I'm a bit concerned as I can't afford more expenditure but asking if I have to pay for myself also feels awkward!

OP posts:
FunnyOrca · 04/09/2025 19:52

I don’t think members of the bridal party have to buy gifts beyond a card/token to mark the occasion.

I have very little experience of rehearsal dinners, but in my limited experience they are not charged to the guests.

dodobedo · 04/09/2025 19:52

Are you in the UK? I've never heard of anyone having these in the UK.

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 04/09/2025 19:54

Have never encountered a rehearsal dinner. B&G should pay as it’s an additional wedding related expenditure. You’ll just have to directly say you can’t afford to pay

have been to pre wedding drinks and canapés that B&G arranged and guests didn’t pay

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 04/09/2025 19:54

dodobedo · 04/09/2025 19:52

Are you in the UK? I've never heard of anyone having these in the UK.

Yes. Agree it just seems like a strange additional expense if you are doing a wedding on a budget which is why I'm wondering.

OP posts:
LlamaNoDrama · 04/09/2025 19:55

Seeing as she's making you pay for everything else I wouldn't hold out much hope that she's covering dinner.

What happened to the bride and groom covering the expenses of the bridesmaids they choose for their wedding?

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 04/09/2025 19:56

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 04/09/2025 19:54

Have never encountered a rehearsal dinner. B&G should pay as it’s an additional wedding related expenditure. You’ll just have to directly say you can’t afford to pay

have been to pre wedding drinks and canapés that B&G arranged and guests didn’t pay

I hope so, I just don't want to turn up and find i have to pay for a 3 course meal and drinks but not sure how i can indirectly ask...

OP posts:
CoffeeLipstickKeys · 04/09/2025 19:57

If B&G don’t pay don’t go

As I said I’ve been to pre wedding canapés and drinks that B&G paid and had rooms in a pub

BallerinaRadio · 04/09/2025 19:58

Surely it's not an actual meal though? Surely if it's a rehearsal you'll be going through the meal as it will be on the day just without the food

Richtea67 · 04/09/2025 19:59

What a tight arse....you'll clearly be expected to pay given you've had to fork out for everything else. I would either say you can't afford to what with all the other expenses, or make an excuse not to go. We didn't have much money when we got married, so had a lovely small wedding with no fuss. I wouldn't have dreamed expecting people to pay for themselves.

LindorDoubleChoc · 04/09/2025 19:59

Your friend has gone full-on bridezilla.

You must be dreading the baby showers and gender (sex not gender) reveal parties down the line.

44PumpLane · 04/09/2025 19:59

It sounds like you are having to pay for a few things that the Bride and Groom would typically pay for so I would assume you are also paying for your own meal at the Rehearsal Dinner I'm afraid.

I think it's bloody cheeky though.

x2boys · 04/09/2025 20:00

I have only ever seen this on friends .

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 04/09/2025 20:00

BallerinaRadio · 04/09/2025 19:58

Surely it's not an actual meal though? Surely if it's a rehearsal you'll be going through the meal as it will be on the day just without the food

It is N American thing - an actual meal with guests . Not common in UK

BallerinaRadio · 04/09/2025 20:01

There's a lot of assumptions on here but surely the best way to find out is to just ask her?

Loveduppenguin · 04/09/2025 20:06

ChatGPT says to ask like this perhaps…
Casual logistics angle
“Hey, I’m so excited for your rehearsal dinner! Do you know yet how the dinner works—should we plan to bring cash or is it all covered?”
Group angle
“I just wanted to check how the rehearsal dinner is set up. Should guests cover their meals, or is it taken care of?”
Budgeting angle
“I’m sorting out my budget for the wedding weekend—do you know if the rehearsal dinner is something we’ll be paying for ourselves?”

Ihateslugs · 04/09/2025 20:07

My son got married in the US and there it is more normal to have a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, for the bridal party and close relatives. I was told a few days before that it was my responsibility as the Grooms mother to pay for the meal! I just refused on the grounds that I already spent thousands of pounds on air fare to California for myself, my daughter and my other son, together with several nights accommodations, meals etc.

Fortunately my son who was getting married agreed with me so the venue was moved to an Italian restaurant ( rather than the more expensive steak place) and everyone was told to sort their own bills. My family were happy with that although I understand there were some muttering from the brides family.

The marriage only lasted four years so I’m glad I did not spend anymore!

DPotter · 04/09/2025 20:12

Until you mentioned the £600 I was thinking you are in the USA.

You're already subsiding her wedding by buying your dress etc - traditionally in the UK the bride pays for all her bridesmaid dress, shoes, hair etc. If she's following an US pattern, yes you will be expected to pay for the rehearsal dinner (which I've never seen the point of as it's the same people you will be seeing the following day, but wearing different clothes).

Contact her and ask with something like ' can you give me some details on the rehearsal dinner'. If she comes back with how much it will cost, just say you'll join her for a drink after as finances are a bit tight. Do not be ashamed - she's the one getting you to pay for her wedding on the sly. As for the present - keep it simple like a bottle of champagne - you've forked out enough

dodobedo · 04/09/2025 20:25

PLEASE GOD DON'T LET REHERSAL DINNERS BECOME A THING HERE

Raera · 04/09/2025 20:26

Both of our DD's had church weddings. The night before we had a run through with the priest in the church and afterwards took the bridesmaids and the priest out for dinner at our expense both times, lovely pre-wedding evenings.
Grooms and families did their own similar thing.
Happy couple said goodbye at the rehearsal and met again in the church the following day.

Biker47 · 04/09/2025 20:27

Sundaycoffee · 04/09/2025 19:56

I hope so, I just don't want to turn up and find i have to pay for a 3 course meal and drinks but not sure how i can indirectly ask...

Show quote history

Just directly ask beforehand.

iirbRosb · 04/09/2025 20:29

I’ve been to a few weddings where they’ve invited people to meet for a meal the night before and I’ve always paid but it has been optional

GodSavetheJean · 04/09/2025 20:29

American here. Rehearsal dinners are standard, typically hosted by and paid for the grooms family, but never ever a cost to anyone invited. Typically it is a casual affair with toasts and funny speeches and then the bride and groom give out gifts to their wedding party. Often the bride gives the bridesmaids their jewlery for the wedding, and maybe another small gift or two. Groomsmen typically get cufflinks or an engraved flask, that type of thing.

LetsTryAgainNowThen · 04/09/2025 20:31

We had a rehearsal with a dinner afterwards, and participants paid for themselves (it was just in the pub opposite the church).

But it was clear that it was optional to attend the dinner. Quite casual. "The rehearsal is at x time. Afterwards some of us are going to the pub for dinner, feel free to join us" kind of thing.

Xiaoxiong · 04/09/2025 20:33

In the USA rehearsal dinners are common as guests often are travelling a long way, so there are quite a few guests already in town the night before the wedding. They are generally a more casual affair and are paid for - traditionally by the groom's family (if the bride's family is paying for the wedding), or nowadays often by the bride & groom themselves.

That being said, the makeup for bridesmaids should also be covered by the bride, and, if bride chooses the dress and shoes, the bride should pay for those as well (unless you're free to wear any dress and shoes you like and have the option to wear clothes you already have).

If you're being expected to pay for those out of your own pocket I think that's pretty bad form by the bride. If you want a fancy matching bridal party of your choice, you have to pay for that.

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 04/09/2025 20:34

LetsTryAgainNowThen · 04/09/2025 20:31

We had a rehearsal with a dinner afterwards, and participants paid for themselves (it was just in the pub opposite the church).

But it was clear that it was optional to attend the dinner. Quite casual. "The rehearsal is at x time. Afterwards some of us are going to the pub for dinner, feel free to join us" kind of thing.

What was the purpose of this prewedding meal and pub? If you wanted drinks then surely just invite guests to pub. I don’t understand scheduling a meal that guests pay for