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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect our secretary to find an address in a file herself?

127 replies

gininteacups · 01/06/2008 08:37

Probably get slated for this but hey ho I need some good old honest mumsnet perspective before I go and involve a manager at work and the shit really hits the fan...so here goes!

I work in a small team of 5 people of these 5 one does the same job as me and one is the admin for our team. The admin and the one that does my job are friends outside work and have both worked at the job for a long time (admin 15 years colleague 9yrs - Ive been there a year and a half) so are very "settled" shall we say in the job.

cutting to the chase - basically the admin shouted at me last week in front of an office full of people for "throwing work at her and treating her like shit". After much upset on both sides I asked to speak to her to try and understand what it is I have done wrong. Basically her problem has been that when I have given her work to do I will pass her a client file with a note pinned to the front saying please can you write to this person saying x,y,z - so this means she must look inside the file, find the up to date address and write the letter. She states I should write out a letter in full with address and she will then type it as its my responsibility to ensure the correct info is on there and she just types it.

My problem with this is that it would basically mean I am handwriting the letter to give it to her to type - If I'm going to do that I may as well type it myself - which I what I do most of the time anyway - I only ever give her work when I am too busy to type it myself - hence the quick note rather than the full written out letter!

Now my problem is - I really cant cope with any more crap off this woman - there are other issues as well too boring and long to put here - so I feel I need to tell my manager whats going on - but the admin is close friends with my direct colleague who is also very pally with my manager (more so than me) I know for a fact that he (colleague) will defend the admin if I tell the manager.

So mumsnet what do you think - AIBU and should I tell the manager whats going on given the dynamics of all the relationships?

Am really thorughly miserable at work and feel like getting a job in a local shop to escape all this bollocks, its hard to get accorss on here all the other subtle crap I am getting so it sounds a bit petty but this is the main issue I would need to take to a manager so please give me your opinions!

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
gininteacups · 01/06/2008 12:10

Hattyyellow- thanks it means a lot that people think I am not a total horror and deserve this. You sound like you went through the mill too. I am not miss popular either - I tend to go in do my job and go home whereas our admin pops around to everyones desks to chat (which is fine just not what I do) I work part time so dont feel I have time to socialise that much at work - dont get me wrong I still chat to poeple just not as much as she does. But she has far less work than me in all honesty (as I said she often whispers "give me something to look busy" as other admin have noticed she has nothing to do and she hates taking on other admin work not from our team.)

Hellie bean I Do feel like the chosen one and not in a nice way! I'll have to look for that clip from the office now too

OP posts:
Original poster
gininteacups · 01/06/2008 12:10

MRSBigD yes its government dept

OP posts:
chenin · 01/06/2008 12:21

How long has it been like this Gin?

Y'know what might well happen... you go in on Monday and she is as nice as pie and her problem with you has gone. If you have been giving her lifts (out of your way) for a week, making her cups of tea and being really nice to her, she is in a position of power (if that makes sense). If you were to show her that she went one step too far with the shouting at you, she might well back down and move on to someone else. People like this tend to be cowards... give 'em an inch and they take a mile (bit like kids really, says I thinking of my teen DDs!)

Original poster
gininteacups · 01/06/2008 12:24

I hope so Hellie - feel sick at the thought of going in and I am currently TTC or (FTC might be more appropriate!) so thats not good I keep thinking maybe its the beggining of morning sickness! LOL

OP posts:
Freckle · 01/06/2008 12:29

TBH, I would just continue to do my own work. Don't give her anything to do. If she challenges you on this, just point out that you don't want to upset her as before and that, if you have to supply work the way she expects, it takes longer than doing it yourself. She may then find herself with so little to do that the managers have to address the problem.

Blueskythinker · 01/06/2008 12:31

Haven't read the thread, but initial thoughts are:

Does she have a role profile? what does it say in it?

Who is the admin's line manager? Is it the same person as your manager.

I have been through problems like this before, and it is usually down to unclear reporting channels and responsibilities.

Will go and read the thread now - as these have probably been covered.

chenin · 01/06/2008 12:35

I like Freckle's idea .. good tactics

Original poster
gininteacups · 01/06/2008 12:39

at freckle! It might just work! mwwahahahaha (thats an evil laugh BTW)

OP posts:
Freckle · 01/06/2008 12:43

I would also cool off on the "trying to be friends" angle. Keep things wholely professional. Again, if she challenges you, just point out everything that you've done for her, yet, instead of speaking to you in a reasonable tone, she screamed at you in front of the whole office - not the actions of someone you want to be friends with. Tell her you were deeply hurt that she hadn't given you the consideration of a quiet word but felt comfortable humiliating you in front of all your colleagues.

Original poster
gininteacups · 01/06/2008 12:53

Hmm Freckle when you put it like that I have been a bit of a mug really. Its funny that managers might see me as not managing my office rels properly yet I didn't scream at anyone.

But on the other hand I cant help feeling I must be unintentionally really horrible for her to react so aggressivley - it was just so bizarre and unexpected I am still in shock

OP posts:
chenin · 01/06/2008 12:56

Yes... just 'withdraw' from her a little - that'll put the wind up her! She will be expecting you to grovel and be nice - if you are cool but professional, she might change her attitude towards you.

Freckle · 01/06/2008 12:56

I don't think you've been either intentionally or unintentionally horrible. I think her behaviour stems from her own insecurities and she felt comfortable taking them out on you because she obviously believed that you wouldn't retaliate or take it further. She read you right, didn't she? Bet she wouldn't have screamed at your other colleague - too much to lose by doing that, both in and out of the office.

Original poster
gininteacups · 01/06/2008 12:59

You are right Freckle there is no way on this earth she'd have shouted at other colleague like this. In fact other colleague has mentioned how embarrasing his wife has found it on previous holidays when she has screamed at her husband in front of them in a similar way. But she would never scream at colleague as you say - too much to lose

OP posts:
chenin · 01/06/2008 13:04

And you have been so nice and actually said on here that she can be charming and pleasant. You really are the bigger person in all of this, Gin.

I honestly think she will be deep down slightly worried about how she shouted at you and wonder what you are going to do about it. You need to capitalise on that... keep her guessing by a cool approach and she might well be having kittens at the 'new' you.

Failing that, go and buy two packs of jelly and get juvenile!

Original poster
gininteacups · 01/06/2008 13:07

Get Juvenile - thats going to be my warcry!

Thanks Hellie for saying such nice things - I am not that nice really not according to admin anyway

I am off out to the shops now but thank you so much everyone its amazing how much its helped to air all this out and bounce ideas around

And now I am off to buy jelly

OP posts:
Blueskythinker · 01/06/2008 13:12

This woman's behaviour towards you is outrageous! Be in no doubt, it is bullying, even though she is a junior grade to you.

'I have followed that up since by reassuring her her that I want her to feel its OK to pull me up if I do anything else or give work to her in a way she feels is inappropriate.'
This is cow-towing to her inappropriate behaviour - yes, I can understand wanting to sort things out, but you are letting her hold all the power! You can't tip-toe round this woman. BecauseI'mworthit's post was great - behave like a man.

I hope you are keeping meticulous notes, not only about her behaviour / what she says, but also any other comments that other colleagues have made.

Don't trust your colleague who is pally with her.

And stop being pally with her! There is no need to give people lifts etc. Remember the saying 'familiarity breeds contempt'. Keep it professional and cool.

She sounds like a right PITA. But having been there myself, believe me when I say that if you come through it, it will make you stronger.

chenin · 01/06/2008 13:12

Sod admin! What does she know.. silly bint!

Good luck Gin.. be strong and remember the mantra... 'It's not me, it's her!'

Best of luck

p.s. lime jelly would look best I feel !

pinkmook · 01/06/2008 15:23

Thanks hellie and Blueskythinker, I feel strangely empowered (must be the talk of lime jelly ) Its silly but I am frightened I will get a similar reaction to that of Twigglett (sorry Twigg not picking on you ) and have it reflected back onto me, but actually having gone over it on here I have responded appropriately and professionally and have a retort for almost anything they could ask me about my conduct.

Thanks guys - wish me luck for monday!

Original poster
gininteacups · 01/06/2008 15:24

Balls did it again! not very anonymous am I?

OP posts:
Blueskythinker · 01/06/2008 15:57

LOL. Its OK pink. Don't know why you need to be anonymous.

pinkmook · 01/06/2008 20:11

Bluesky - I know its silly but I was terrified in case any of the people post on MNET...did change afew details though.

pinkmook · 01/06/2008 20:12

should qualify that, I think my colleagues would guess my login is me as its a personal reference they might be able to link to me IYSWIM.

hattyyellow · 02/06/2008 11:34

Hope it's gone okay today? What approach did you decide to take?

At least the week's started and you can assess how things are now everyones had a chance to cool down a bit....

chenin · 02/06/2008 18:28

Yes Gin... how has today been? I hope it has been better for you...

pinkmook · 02/06/2008 19:45

Today has been...............absolutely fine.

Not sure how long it's going to last but decided to be a bit more cool - not nasty , just less arsed IYGWIM.

Have a meeting with manager tomorrow. Not sure if I will bring it up depends on if she has heard anything on the grapevine - if she mentions it I will probably discuss it bbut feeling far less emotional about it all today

Thanks for asking after me Hellie and Hatty

Didnt get chance to jellify her stapler yet