to expect our secretary to find an address in a file herself?

[gininteacups]

Probably get slated for this but hey ho I need some good old honest mumsnet perspective before I go and involve a manager at work and the shit really hits the fan...so here goes!

I work in a small team of 5 people of these 5 one does the same job as me and one is the admin for our team. The admin and the one that does my job are friends outside work and have both worked at the job for a long time (admin 15 years colleague 9yrs - Ive been there a year and a half) so are very "settled" shall we say in the job.

cutting to the chase - basically the admin shouted at me last week in front of an office full of people for "throwing work at her and treating her like shit". After much upset on both sides I asked to speak to her to try and understand what it is I have done wrong. Basically her problem has been that when I have given her work to do I will pass her a client file with a note pinned to the front saying please can you write to this person saying x,y,z - so this means she must look inside the file, find the up to date address and write the letter. She states I should write out a letter in full with address and she will then type it as its my responsibility to ensure the correct info is on there and she just types it.

My problem with this is that it would basically mean I am handwriting the letter to give it to her to type - If I'm going to do that I may as well type it myself - which I what I do most of the time anyway - I only ever give her work when I am too busy to type it myself - hence the quick note rather than the full written out letter!

Now my problem is - I really cant cope with any more crap off this woman - there are other issues as well too boring and long to put here - so I feel I need to tell my manager whats going on - but the admin is close friends with my direct colleague who is also very pally with my manager (more so than me) I know for a fact that he (colleague) will defend the admin if I tell the manager.

So mumsnet what do you think - AIBU and should I tell the manager whats going on given the dynamics of all the relationships?

Am really thorughly miserable at work and feel like getting a job in a local shop to escape all this bollocks, its hard to get accorss on here all the other subtle crap I am getting so it sounds a bit petty but this is the main issue I would need to take to a manager so please give me your opinions!

TIA

findtheriver I think thats probably quite close to the truth but I cant help thinking maybe it is my fault and like Twiglett says "am not managing inter office rel's properly" but on the other hand colleague does say very similar even though he will not "get involved" (which I dont blame him for - why should he)

I think I may just ask to be moved into another role without the mention of this issue

completely agree with Twiglett - it will I imagine be the last thing you feel like doing, but it is the "professional" way you are meant to resolve things informally.

I may sound harsh here.. but if you let this admin persons behaviour carry on like this, she will end up ruling the office, with everyone treading on eggshells as to what sort of mood she is in that day etc...

I have worked with ppl like this and it disrupts the whole office dynamic. She is not professional and she is allowing her personal problems to affect her worklife. You sound lovely and kind to her gininteacups, and she is playing on that. If you are making cups of tea for her, taking work back from her and generally being a thoroughly good egg to her, she is being a pain in the arse daft bint to carry on like this.

I would challenge her. She won't be expecting that as you are obviously a nice person. I would be kind but firm and ask her why she blew up at you and say that you hope it won't happen again...

to clarify - colleague says she has a lot of personal issues and this isnt really about me..

I think you would be unwise not to flag up what's going on to the manager as you are so unhappy.

I think trying to pander to her is just adding another personal dynamic into this already over personal relationship. You are being pleasant to her, you've outlined that already but you are hideously unhappy and the manager may well be able to help resolve the situation. It also helps to talk to people at work when you are this unhappy and it sounds like your manager is best placed to deal with that.

Thanks helliebean AND Twiglett two totally different attitudes but both extremely helpful - you have all given me lots to think about as well as support which I really appreciate.

I had a similar situation a long while ago. If she's reached the stage of being so unpleasant to you in front of the whole office, I would speak to your HR person and do absolutely everything by the book - even if it makes things feel a bit cold and formal.

In my first job I had a secretary who was several years older than me, had a lot of issues and resentment and was pally with lots of other secretarial staff at the organisation. I had guessed she didn't hugely like me but one day I came into the office to find she had filed an official complaint about me.

I got hauled into the CEO's office, to find that her "evidence" revolved around the same sort of tiny things that your secretary is getting so het up about. I'd wandered around the office looking for her when her boyfriend had called to tell her there was a phone call - apparently that was unacceptable as it had implied that I'd thought she was inappropriately away from her desk! . I'd also asked her to re-do some letters where the address was badly typed, with spelling errors, a big gap before the post code - lots of little things and apparently this had been victimisation.

The whole thing got thrown out, she had rallied her mates from the office to come up with points against me but they were so tiny that the CEO got sick of the whole thing.

It did end up with such an unpleasant atmosphere that in the end I looked for another job but it still rankles me that I tip-toed around this woman and she still decided to try and get me into trouble without a single point that was at all serious or justifiable about my behaviour.

I'm so sorry - I'm not trying to panic you. It's just that if I could go back I would have dragged in HR the minute it all started. When I tried to talk to her everything I said got twisted and used against me. She didn't have a leg to stand on but everyone still knew that things had been said about me - even though they often didn't even know what they were or if they were even true!

I would talk to HR about her behaviour. If she dislikes you that much - I don't know if talking face to face is going to help.

ps it turned out that my secretary also had a lot of personal issues but she ended up focussing all her resentment on me just like yours seems to be doing..

thanks foxinsocks - just worried manager will think "oh jesus just sort it out e=between you!"

but I am very close to just leaving then explaining why after I have handed in my notice so as not to appear to be running to the manager with petty squabbles but letting them know whats happening

gin... if colleague says it is nothing to do with you... sod the lunch! I would absolutely not do that. I would be kind and fair but firm, otherwise you will be taking her out to lunch every time she has a wobbly!

I would suggest NOT asking to be moved without mentioning

I think if you don't feel it has been resolved after doing the 'lunch' thing then you approach the manager / HR and ask for clarification, mention what has happened and (most importantly) how you've tried to resolve it, explain that you do not believe anything has changed and are now looking for additional support in this matter as it is affecting your ability to do your job

Thanks hattyyellow - I really think I need to leave - any job has got to be better than this

Twiglett - that is the most sensible and professional thing to do but not sure I have the emotional reserves to do it

But it is soooo not fair that gininteacups feels she has to leave the job cos of this? That is ridiculous, gin... don't go out without a fight! The daft woman will have won and you don't deserve that. If it has come to that, you do need to go to HR.

This has worn you down gin obviously and that is so unfair. It is wrong that you are having to spend your Sunday worrying about this... don't just leave. Gather all your emotional reserves and tackle it head on...

I think there is often a problem caused by someone new to the job being nice and accommodating in order to get on with colleagues. Then when you need to be slightly tougher to ensure a high standard of work, you are seen as being a bitch. I once had a secretary, very young girl, first job. I was very nice to her, overlooked typing errors, etc., to let her get her feet under the table. After a while, I felt that she should be producing better work, so started to send back unacceptable typing to be redone. All hell broke loose, with another secretary calling me at home and asking why I was being such a bitch to my secretary. Totally unacceptable.

This isn't the same situation as yours, but is just to illustrate that sometimes it doesn't pay to be too nice at work.

Talk to the colleague and say that you don't expect him to go into bat for you, but equally, you would appreciate it if he didn't support her, given that he agrees that her behaviour is utterly unreasonable.

Agree you need to say something though, to her in the first instance. Baffled by her behaviour, sympathetic to her ishoos, yet "this sort of thing can't continue" is probably how I'd play it (at first...).

Thanks helliebean - I will see how tomorrow goes...

Thanks hunkermunker - he will support her - have seen him complain about certain things she does then back her up over that very same issue when management have questioned her about her work. Their families are very close, they holiday together etc - he will not just be neutral unfortunately.

Then he is a twat.

LOL hunker first thing to make me laugh in all this.

He is very loyal I guess

Is there no-one impartial in management whom you could talk to? A HR person would seem ideal as it would be a natural step for you to have spoken to them and then it wouldn't just be you against her.

How much do you like the job anyway? In my case, it all actually turnd out for the best as I moved to a much better position in a much nicer place - I think without the impetus of this I wouldn't have moved as they were desperately short staffed and I had felt too guilty to leave them in the lurch..

It all depends whether you think things will ever change. If they are all so matey as to overlook unacceptable behaviour then it sounds like there's a number of people who aren't great to work with - and I don't think that will ever change...

The main thing I learnt from it all was that life seemed too short to stay somewhere where you weren't reasonably happy and treated with respect, whatever your role in the organisation. I thought about staying just to prove my point but in the end my happiness had to come before what everyone else did or didn't think about me.

Workplaces can be such a minefield can't they! I now work freelance from home and it's sooooo nice to avoid the politics!

Hattyyellow I think you are right - life is too short for all this - would love to work from home - what do you do out of interest?? (desperately hoping it gives me inspiration to something I could do freelance emoticon)

Hunker is right.. he is a twat! I would be very wary of confiding in him.. he obviously has a foot in both camps. Who knows what he is going back to admin person and saying... especially if the families are close and holidaying together etc. I would cut him out the equation totally.. he is not helping one little bit.

I do freelance research and proposal writing. .

I basically ghost write bids/reports etc for various organisations - so once I've met the client initially (lots of arts organisations at the moment) I just need a computer and e-mail at home to get the work done.

Is your work transferable to freelance work at all? Is it easy to find another post in your field?

Your situation does sound hellish and I have so much sympathy, it brings it all back! I sat down with a very good and brutally honest friend and went through all the little things she'd slated me for to see if I was at fault enough to have been hauled up about it all. And concluded that she was just a very unhappy person. But it's still hard not to let it affect your confidence isn't it?

The most annoying thing was that the day before she complained about me she'd been feeling unwell. I'd dropped everything and travelled home with her for an hour and a half and back again on the tube and train to drop her at her house as she was worried about travelling alone.

And when the CEO asked if she could think of one nice and positive thing to say about me - she still said no! Cheeky mare.