to expect our secretary to find an address in a file herself?

[gininteacups]

Probably get slated for this but hey ho I need some good old honest mumsnet perspective before I go and involve a manager at work and the shit really hits the fan...so here goes!

I work in a small team of 5 people of these 5 one does the same job as me and one is the admin for our team. The admin and the one that does my job are friends outside work and have both worked at the job for a long time (admin 15 years colleague 9yrs - Ive been there a year and a half) so are very "settled" shall we say in the job.

cutting to the chase - basically the admin shouted at me last week in front of an office full of people for "throwing work at her and treating her like shit". After much upset on both sides I asked to speak to her to try and understand what it is I have done wrong. Basically her problem has been that when I have given her work to do I will pass her a client file with a note pinned to the front saying please can you write to this person saying x,y,z - so this means she must look inside the file, find the up to date address and write the letter. She states I should write out a letter in full with address and she will then type it as its my responsibility to ensure the correct info is on there and she just types it.

My problem with this is that it would basically mean I am handwriting the letter to give it to her to type - If I'm going to do that I may as well type it myself - which I what I do most of the time anyway - I only ever give her work when I am too busy to type it myself - hence the quick note rather than the full written out letter!

Now my problem is - I really cant cope with any more crap off this woman - there are other issues as well too boring and long to put here - so I feel I need to tell my manager whats going on - but the admin is close friends with my direct colleague who is also very pally with my manager (more so than me) I know for a fact that he (colleague) will defend the admin if I tell the manager.

So mumsnet what do you think - AIBU and should I tell the manager whats going on given the dynamics of all the relationships?

Am really thorughly miserable at work and feel like getting a job in a local shop to escape all this bollocks, its hard to get accorss on here all the other subtle crap I am getting so it sounds a bit petty but this is the main issue I would need to take to a manager so please give me your opinions!

TIA

Hatty thats pretty much what I have done but I have swung between feeling really upset/annoyed and really sad that things are like this and wondering how to make her like me (pathetic I know)

Blimey, an admin who's not overworked, there's eomthing wrong there. . Wish I could say the same...

Nine years is still a long time, and this may be part of the problem.

How good is your manager? (aside from being friends with the colleague)

something

She's OK but seems to get the brunt of things from other managers, doesn't seem very poplular with them (or most of them) and the main boss manager of managers really really dislikes her (or thats the impression we all have)

she also likes to take the path of least resistance and relies heavily on the male colleagues opinion and advice and so in this case I am guessing she will go staright to him and say "what do you make of this situation" and I dont think he will want to help me out. Not because he dislikes me but more because of his rel with admin and her husband (who also works there)

Oh dear.

All very entrenched by the sounds of it.

The situation needs dealing with, but sometimes life's too short.

Can you get a transfer?

Gin... I bet there is more to this than meets the eye! She sounds like a lazy so and so, and she possibly feels she is on shaky ground, hence the lashing out at you.

I don't blame you for going off for a cry - unwarranted attacks like that are plain horrible.

Let's face it, she probably made a complete arse of herself shouting at you like that, hence the backtracking. I would sit tight and let her dig a very big hole for herself...

Twat man is getting more twattish by the minute....

LOL inbred might also be a word used here (only joking!)

Yes I think I will ask to move to another role without mentioning any of this TBH. I think it would just make me look bad and I just want things to be OK but I dont think they ever will be

I don't think she is going to like you, as lovely as I'm sure you are. It sounds like she is focussing a lot of crap on you.

If being super nice isn't working could you just limit communication and just be ultra-robot when you do have to talk to her?

Maybe she doesn't respect you because you're being too nice?

I bent over backwards to be nice to the girl who worked for me and it didn't change a thing - she had just got it in her head that she didn't like me and wasn't prepared to change that view.

I don't get the problem with talking to HR and management to seek their advice and support...this woman's behaviour was totally unacceptable and you could officially complain and ask for action to be taken against her for doing it. You're hardly going crying to a manager because someone put your coffee mug back in the wrong place or stole your stapler..

So if you speak to a manager or HR rep to ask for advice on handling this - it shouldn't reflect badly on you in any organisation that values its employees...you're just asking for help with a situation that anyone would deem difficult..

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LOL hellibean at "twatman" you do realise that thats what will be in my head now when I see him on Monday - hope it doesn't slip out LOL!

Or if it's easy to move and you're happy to move - then that sounds a good solution.

People will make up their minds what they think happened and some will come down on your side and some won't. And if you complain pretty much the same thing will happen anyway.

It's a crap situation to be in - particulary when all you've done is try to be nice! Life isn't fair sometimes.

Good advice hatty... you are right - you hardly put her stapler in jelly did you?! (a la Gareth, The Office!!)

I may be making jokes here, but it honestly sounds like this situation has knocked the stuffing out of you, Gin, and I agree with Hatty, you should go to HR. It all sounds very incestuous - personal relationships outside of the office overshadowing professionalism in the office.

I KNow Dior I HATE confrontation too and have started to do virtually all my own admin - even if I'm busy but then panicked and thought maybe she might see this as me being passive aggressive and go to managemnt so then started doing very clearly set out and labelled letters for her to type that took me longer to do than just me typing them myself arrrggh I am so wet but I hate falling out with people for no good reason

Message withdrawn

thanks everyone for your opinions it really has been helpful to hear ALL the different opinions and means whatever I do I have considered all the points of view I may be faced with

Gin, you're paid to do your job, and she's paid to do hers. If you're doing her work, then you can't be doing your work properly (iykwim).

Do you have supervision with your manager?

the worst part is - when she is being nice - which she can be on occaision - she is really funny and and I really like her, I have always said I think she's a really intelligent woman and she could do anything she set her mind to but I must be doing something badly wrong for her to hate me so much

We haven't had supervision(or an appraisal )since I started work there but I think I do need to talk to her

gininteacups Yanbu!

I have worked on all levels of admin (i.e. clawed my way up and except for in extremely junior roles I was just handed a file and had to get on with it! Looking up an address is not beyond the call of duty for a secretary/admin person.

Office politics are always awful especially when fighting 'old hands'. I would say bring it up with the manager and see what happens. By the sound of it you don't have much to loose.

Instead of you handwriting it maybe you could get the manager to invest into a dictation device and then you just tell her what she needs to type as she obviously doesn't seem to be willing to use her own brain?

Good luck!

Gin... it is not you! It is her at fault... keep that mantra! She sounds like a manipulative cow who has been in the job far too long and who has nothing better to do than keep people dangling.. wondering whether they have upset her or not. If you could sort this, she would probably move on to someone else. I know just the type. It's horrible for you at the moment cos you are the 'chosen' one to bear the brunt of her inadaquecies (sp?) but just remember the mantra (It is not me, it is her!)

Whatever you decide to do, prioritise the solution that makes you happy, even if it results in her continuing to get away with acting the way she does.

In all honesty she is bullying you in her own way, to scream at you across the office like that.

You sound like too nice a person to live with this day in day out. Try and not let this affect your confidence and concentrate on all the people who do value and respect you - their opinion matters 100x more.

I was really shocked to discover how much this woman disliked me. I still feel anxious if I ever go to a networking event even though she left my industry a long time ago.

I've never thought I was perfect little miss popular, not by a long way, but I never thought I was offensive enough for someone to dislike me so much when I was just treating them in the same fairly quietly pleasant way that I treated everyone else. I hate confrontation too!

ps helliebean I love the Office - I'm going to have to go and search youtube for the stapler in jelly sketch now! Not quite sure how my report is going to get finished today!

Thanks MrsBigD I have become too emotionally involved I think as someone suggested earlier. The admin managers and other practive managers have tried to get her out of the role but failed so I think even a bomb wont get her out of that role - in which case I think I need to move

Are you working in the public sector per chance?

When I was brought in at a council office to stream line the way the staff worked I got the 'we have 80 years of experience and who do you think you are?'... to which I said 'I'm the contractor who does as she's told by the boss' LOL but it was like banking my head against brick walls!