MIL. Am I over reacting?

[Twointhehand1]

MIL can be a busy body and a bossy but this really irks me and I can’t put my finger on why this particular thing bothers me so much.

DH is an only child with a small extended family. He has one aunt, MILs sister and she has 3 adult children, all around our age. We don’t tend to send each other greeting cards for any occasion but we do wish them happy birthday etc on the family WhatsApp. I don’t think that the lack of a physical card bothers any of us.

MIL is a prolific card sender. Makes her own and gets everyone a card. Over the years she’s repeatedly asked if we’re getting such and such a card and we’ve replied ‘no’ and explained that we don’t exchange cards, so she is aware of where we stand and the lack of a card isn’t a mistake. They also don’t get us cards either.

Despite this she repeatedly purchases cards on our behalf and gives us them to sign. Eg, sign this before you go and I’ll take it to x with mine. She never asks for payment but I find it really controlling. I’m an adult and I know how to purchase a card if needed. I don’t get my own adult cousins cards and feel forced into doing something that I’ve explained that I don’t want to do.

Tonight she’s arrived at our house ‘just passing’ with a wedding anniversary card for cousin and wife for us to sign.

DH finds it annoying but says it’s not a hill to die on. She has a tendency to get sulky etc when they disagree and DH feels that it’s petty to refuse to sign the card and it does no harm to actually send them.

YABU-sign the bloody card
YANBU-it’s a form of control. Refuse!

Edit to add….if it’s a special birthday, we’re attending a party or meal, or it’s a wedding etc, we would of course send a card. These are for random 43rd birthdays and standard anniversaries!

Hahaha my mil does the same, she is shocked we don’t send cards and even worse when I said I don’t normally read the twee poem inside 🙈

It used to bother me but it’s not a hill to die on. Just enjoy winding her up or get the kids to draw all over the cards.

Just opt out and let your husband deal with it. It’s not a big deal surely?

Well if she’s taken all the work and expense out of sending a card is it really worth making a fuss about spending a few seconds signing?

I’d be irritated to, but it’s not a big deal, just get DH to sign them and leave him to it with his mum x

Hahaha I wonder if it’s generational? God don’t even start me on the fact that we don’t display them. That’s a different argument that we’ve had!

I think it’s more that we’ve expressly said that we don’t exchange cards and she’s decided to force us! I dislike being backed into a corner despite what I’ve previously expressed, I suppose.

My husband's siblings never send cards, and neither do we, but MIL will buy 3 individual cards from her and FIL, DH's brother and DH's sister and then write them all herself and send them all separately. They're all in the same writing. His sister and brother have 0 to do with it. It's utterly bizarre 😂

This would really annoy me! The fact that you’ve said no and she buys them anyway would p!ss me off!

Does she feel like it would look bad on her if her son doesn’t send cards? Maybe she thinks others will feel she hasn’t brought him up properly!! My mum is also a prolific card sender.

To be honest, I’d pay for this door-to-door service, I can never remember birthdays!

I’d just sign the card. Its not something Id ger worked up about tbh

It’s definitely generational, think millennials got blamed for killing the Hallmark industry. Anyone I know under the age of 40 or so only sends cards for significant events or something they are attending

Maybe. The thing is they don’t get us cards either so neither look bad. I’d appreciate door to door service if I actually want to do it 🤣

My MIL does exactly the same thing, even going so far as to attempt to disguise her handwriting. She’s fooling nobody!

This is even more bonkers 😝

Completely agree but I couldn’t be bothered to argue with MIL over it after expressly telling her that none of us send cards to each other. If she was still insisting I would sign it but maybe write something witty and rude each time, maybe then she’d give up.

Don't sign if you don't want to, and obviously DH will do as he chooses and you don't need worry about it. Because you're not controlling of him, right? And neither is he of you? Just give her a cheery "oh, I don't do cards!". Then change the subject.

I think I'd just suck this one up really. One day it'll be a story of what she was like and people will chuckle. Some people just like sending cards.

I don’t sign them……never have. DH also doesn’t ask me to. Nor do I ask DH not to sign.

Roses are red
violets are blue
Mil made me sign
this card for you 🤣

I'd just let DH sign them and not be bothered - it's not worth getting worked up about 🤷‍♀️

So you don’t sign the cards and never have so what’s the actual problem? Your DH does sign said cards. What a bizarre thing to be upset about. Who cares. They are her nieces and nephews, your DH cousins. If he was so anti cards he can tell his own mum.

I know some pp are saying just sign, but no, I absolutely wouldn’t and I’d discourage Dh too. It’s weird, you don’t exchange cards. I fear I’d refuse.

My mum does this! I find it irritating but I just do it. It makes her happy.

My MIL does the same! I think it’s a generation thing. I just think ‘annoying twat’ in my head and let her get on with it.