My daughter wants a boob job

[OutbackQueen]

My lovely 25 year old girl has a thing about her breasts. Not the size (she’s blessed with a B cup unlike my G and is quite happy that they’re small) but is convinced they’re so asymmetrical that it’s causing her distress. She’s shown them to me and I had to take a guess at the one she was concerned about - I honestly thought it was the one she thought was ok.
I’ve obviously said that no-one has perfectly matched boobs and that I honestly can’t see much difference (and I’m not lying) but she’s determined. It seems such an invasive thing to do and so far she’s just had a telephone consultation but is going to see a couple of consultants soon. I’m hoping they might say that they wouldn’t advise surgery because the difference is so insignificant but of course it’ll be about £.
I don’t know whether I should say anything else to her or just support her in her decision. Honestly, it’s really upsetting me to think of her beautiful young body being sliced into.

I have quite a large asymmetry - at least a cup size difference, and it’s awkward and embarrassing. It’s made me quite miserable and self conscious all my life, until I was much older and learned to just accept/like my body as it is. If I’d have had the money I’d have wanted surgery myself. But growing up my mum just didn’t care and we were not well off enough to even think about it. I think you can only support and advise, and let her make her own decisions in her own time. It may well be upsetting you to think of her having the op, but that’s probably not as upsetting as she might find her current figure.

If you aren't going to say it, who is? Of course you should. Just explore with her why she wants perfection and will she come to terms with any scarring etc. Then the likelihood of a replacement needed. Don't go as far to alienate yourself, but read up on things and see if you have any questions. Would she let you attend her appointment?

As someone who used to be extremely self conscious about the fact I have one breast larger than the other I got a tremendous boost to my self confidence when I found out that it's actually really common for women not to be symmetrical. There have been quite a few threads on MN where people have talked about this.
I think you are right to try and dissuade her from surgery. The potential problems and possible future health risks are not worth the risk.

Can you suggest that her boobs might change significantly after birth and breast feeding anyway and that might be a natural time to see a consultant?
Does she want to be able to breast feed?

I would take DD to a magnificent large department store to get properly fitted for a few new bras. Those women know boobs. Your DD would come home wearing a bra that felt great and looked great. She could also ask questions of the fitter about the difference in her boobs.

If you do take her bra shopping, make sure she’s comfortable with it. I still cringe when I look back at the time a friend convinced me to go, and the bra fitting lady declared ‘oh my that is quite a sizeable difference you have, how strange!’ Everyone in the little boutique could hear her through the curtain and it was absolutely horrible.

Mine never evened out after children and whenever I put on weight the bigger one just gets bigger. And while as pp have said, yes some asymmetry is normal, that doesn’t make me feel any better about it and may not help your daughter - it’s not about everyone else, it’s about her body and if she can accept it or not. At my age I know now that I wouldn’t risk surgery but at 25 I would have been desperate to sort things out.

I’m not known for being observant but I can honestly say that I’ve never in my life noticed anyone’s asymmetrical boobs. Apparently it’s really common, but it’s not visible under clothes, surely?

And if she’s worried about what a partner will think once she’s got her clothes off, I can guarantee they’ll have other more exciting things in mind than size comparison.

Think what else she can spend her money on! That’s the line I’d take with her. Don’t try to persuade her not to do it, but just encourage her to think what other better things she could be doing to enjoy the money without hurting her body.

I stopped at “25 year old”. It’s her decision.

Obviously at 25 it's her decision.

However things she might not have considered are:
-how her boobs are going to change over time, even if she never has a baby but especially if she does, I had absolutely no idea quite how much mine were going to change over the years
-that she will be signing up to having them redone throughout her life
-what any scarring will look like

I thought about it at her age, like a lot of women do, and it was the scarring that put me off as it didn't seem worth it for what I was trying to fix.

Yes fully accept it’s her decision and even though probably no-one else notices it, she says she’s had a huge complex about them since she was a young teen. She’s just split with her BF and is terrified of getting naked with another man. I’ve sympathetically expressed my views but will be fully supportive if she goes ahead.

Tell her she cannot get a mammogram with implants

Her body, her decision. Support her to make an informed decision. She knows implants don’t last a lifetime and will need replacing years down the line? Has she got the money to afford it? Some women may experience capsular contracture. If she wants implants removed and no replacement she is going to have scars and stretch marks. There’s tons of vlogs online by women who have explanted, she needs to watch some of those.

https://www.tiktok.com/@victoriannaachilles/video/7261283350055341354

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MoQZ-SPl4Vo&pp=0gcJCRsBo7VqN5tD

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm178Njiu_I

My Auntie died of a PE having breast surgery. I was very young at the time and didn't understand it. Her brother a GP was so against it she didn't dare tell him she was having it done, as he would have been so against it. Very sad and preventable.

If she has had a complex about it for years since a young teenager, then I would gently suggest that the answer is therapy, not surgery.
The problem is not her boobs, the problem is the way she is thinking about them.

Definitely not. I've had 2 boob jobs and now removed them. Tell her to look up breast implant illness, they also need replacing throughout your life so more money to pay and more recoveries. Rupture, CC, bottoming out, pocket deformity, implant recall etc can happen at anytime.

Don’t offer to pay for the surgery because if she has any regrets / health complications later down the line she might blame you for it.

She should certainly do her research about the dangers of the surgery and breast implant illness etc. Clips of Botched on YouTube were enough to put me off ever getting anything done.

Oh the poor girl and poor you. It's a horrible operation and should never be undertaken lightly. If we didn't live in this shit, porn soaked world filled with constant invasive, hateful and misogynistic messages about women's having to look like perfect pornbots she would not feel like this. I'd be really distressed too, if this was my daughter, risking her life and health for something so absolutely irrelevant, and ruining her chance to breastfeed in the future.

I don't know what to say, I hope she does not go ahead with this terrible idea.

Don't tell her this, because it's utterly false and only likely to make her mistrust the other things you say.

Most of us have asymetrical breasts. Before having a boob job your DD should consider that she is introducing a foreign substance to her body which may/will have long term consequences. Also, depending on what she has done, it will affect her ability to breast feed if she has children.

Is that true ?

Don't offer to pay and you could suggest that therapy to deal with the imperfections we all have might be an option, especially because there's a risk the surgery won't deliver the results she wants (greater confidence). But obviously at 25 you need to be supportive whatever she chooses.

No it's not. You can and should still have them.

No. Though there may be some special considerations. We also don't know if she wants an implant/implants or a reduction of her "larger" breast.

My sister had a huge body hair issue, she was a 20yo virgin because she was mortified of her hair. She is blonde, pale and had the lightest fairest smallest amount of hair I've ever seen. She paid a fortune for laser removal pretty much everywhere. It's only now years later that she can see they weren't a big deal at all and she was just hyper focused on them and couldn't let it go. She regrets all of her insecurities around it. Hopefully if your DD is on a big waiting list or something she has more time to delve into why this is such a huge issue for her x

@nellietheellie75 @McSpoot thanks for clarifying!