At my wits end with colleague

[HelloWanda]

I work Monday to Friday, 40 hours a week. Colleague works Monday to Thursday, 40 hours a week.

We work in apprenticeships and each have our own workload as it’s too much for just one person to do. Our company does apprenticeships for finance, accounting, tax, data and a few others. So for example I will handle all apprentices doing finance and accounting, and she will do tax and data. It’s the same job so it’s easy to pick up each others work and we work off the same spreadsheets and programs so can see where each other is up to.

All my colleague ever does is moan on a Monday morning and when she’s back from annual leave about how much work she has to do that hasn’t been done in her absence (by me). She doesn’t explicitly say to me “you haven’t done this” or “why isn’t this done?” But she will moan and moan saying things like “I came in to 300 emails today. Were you on your own on Friday?” Or “I told my partner I was still doing Fridays emails and he asked why when I don’t work Fridays lol” I replied to that one by saying “did you explain to him that it’s still your own workload?” Or “oh this came in on Friday afternoon… did no one think to action it?” (There’s three of us in the time but the other person doesn’t have the same job as us).

She has just been off for two weeks and it was a very busy period. As you can imagine, lots of people starting apprenticeships in September so we had lots of last minute applications for spare spaces, us chasing things up from people who haven’t sent us things yet and their deadline is approaching etc. I did as much as I physically could! But it seems she has expected me to complete all of her work so that she comes into nothing, and it’s not possible. I can’t do two peoples jobs, and I don’t know why she doesn’t realise that. I did anything of hers that was urgent, but other than that I left some things that I didn’t get round to because I had my own work to do as well.

She is making me stressed. Last week I made sure everything important was done but yesterday and today all she has done is moan about the bits not done. I was about to say something to her but I’m not very confrontational and don’t know how to handle it. I don’t want workplace drama and don’t want to “fall out”. But is this the right way to go about it? Do I say something to her or to my manager? How do I go about it? I genuinely feel like looking for another job because I’m expected (by her, not by my manager) to essentially do 6 days worth of work in 5 days, because I am expected to do everything of hers that comes in on Friday. And it’s draining me having to deal with her every week.

Yes I would have a word with your manager about this. She should not be speaking like this to you, and no wonder you are stressed. Hopefully your manager can explain in no uncertain terms that this is unacceptable. I wouldn't keep quiet to avoid drama given that you have tried that and it's making you ill with stress.

If she is doing 40 hours in 4 days then she must have longer days than you - ie coming in earlier or leaving later than you. If she leaves later than you, do you come in next morning and have zero emails to deal with, because she has done them all? If she comes in earlier than you, are there no emails from that morning because she has done them all before you arrive? You need to work out why she thinks that she is working "harder" than you, when you both work the same hours.

There's a gap in expectations. How much of your work does she do when you're on AL? I would ask LM to clarify how much needs to be done and have it on the agenda for the next team meeting.

At my job I'm expected to block my calendar the first day/morning back to get on top of everything. You could suggest similar?

I would speak to your joint manager first, proposing a three-way meeting for you to agree specific expectations for cover when one of you is away.

After that meeting, it would be good if you could gird your loins to speak to her one-to-one and say someting like 'That was a useful meeting. Can we agree that we'll be open and direct with one another as we start working in the new way, so we're both absolutely clear on where we stand?'

^this

Is she picking up your work in her longer days so you have less of your own workload on Fridays? I'm assuming not, so she shouldn't expect you to pick hers up on a Friday.

What happens with her work emails, OP? Do you have a shared inbox? Does she put on an auto response? Who does it direct to?

I'd go to your manager, but very openly and kindly. "Yes, obviously we can't just cover your job on top of our own for two weeks at this time of the year. I've asked manager for a chat about how we should handle this ...".

I think - though you know dynamics best - that this may be a case where just gently and persistently stating the obvious removes the stress from the situation. Take back the narrative so she can't make a personal grudge of it.

It will help you all to work out a clearer strategy for covering leave anyway.

Yes, talk to your manager.

If it was me I'd say to colleague look, we work the same number of hours and have the same workload. I cant pick up a day of your work any more than you could pick up a day of mine. And I'd never expect you to.

Have you thought about just ignoring the comments?

Yeah we have a shared inbox and then we have personal inboxes too. So the 300 emails she is talking about, is her own personal inbox which I have no access to. So I can’t do anything about that anyway. So we put an out of office message on our personal emails and say to email the team inbox instead for anything urgent. So anything that came into the mail inbox, I dealt with. When I left on Friday evening there were only two emails in there. But somehow I’ve missed things. I wasn’t in yesterday but she text me while I was off saying someone hadn’t been added to the system and I said I added everyone, so I’m not sure who she is referring to. She gave me the name of the person and said someone is kicking off because she hasn’t been added yet, but I have no idea who this person is. I told her if I would’ve known I would have done it. So now I’m just feeling so stressed out because there’s always something I haven’t done! And she’s always annoyed about it and making digs etc

That’s the thing, I don’t expect her to kill herself picking up my work but she does! She will even do unpaid overtime to finish off my work for me and then complains that she’s had so much to do and is tired etc but when I tell her to just leave it she says “no, we are a team and have to help each other” but I haven’t asked her to do that! And she obviously wants the same in return from me but I won’t

Headphones?

Some of it sounds direct - 'why wasn't this actioned?' and a lot of it sounds like constant needling and passive aggression, which would make anyone stressed, defensive and cross. How do these comments come across - verbally, via Teams or similar?
Folks that constantly chunter away create a negative atmosphere and it's really not okay. I wouldn't choose to live with someone like that and I definitely wouldn't put up with it at work, it's really unprofessional and inappropriate. Can you raise it directly with her, or via your manager? I don't think you should have to leave. If this is the only problem with this job, speak to your boss and see if it can be sorted.

It sounds like there is too much work for both of you. Why don’t you say this to her and both go to your manager to see if you can get some extra help in?

You need to take this up with your manager, you both do 40 hours a week so the workload has to be fair. This does not mean you picking up emails that come in on a Friday due to her hours being Mon-Thurs. She needs to be made aware of this as it sounds like she doesn't understand it. Perhaps you could mention that if this is a real problem perhaps the compressed hours on 4 days don't work for the role and she should do her hours across 5 days.

Could you deliberately mis-understand her implied criticism of you not doing her work and say 'Do you think working compressed hours isn't working for your role? Having no one doing your role on a Friday seems to lead to heaps of work on Monday, do you think you would cope better doing 5 shorter days rather than 4 long ones? Maybe speak to your LM'. Make it her problem not yours.

That's real stress-inducing behaviour. She shouldn't be texting you like this on your time of. I would add that to your discussion with your manager. I'd also avoid texting her (if you do) about work at all outside working hours, even if your messages are reasonable. Ask if you can discuss arrangements around what you cover, boundaries around time off (including the texts) and workloads.

A reasonable manager should have no problem handling this and will understand why you raise it.

Don't let yourself start to feel at fault or ashamed in this, even if you haven't done everything perfectly. That can stop people from raising problems. Reply to her texts saying, happy to talk when I'm back in, see you then. Get meeting booked with manager. Don't let this woman drag you down

Sometimes there is too much. Like at the minute, the last two weeks have been very stressful for me because August, September and January are our busiest times of year. However we are dead in December and march/april. So then it’s much easier to pick up the extra work.

Ive been in a similar situation before, my colleague worked AM and i did PM and to be honest i put up with it for 6 years and i just left. It didnt matter how much i did it was just constant moaning
ie there was a invoice came in at 16.59 why didnt you action it before you left ?? errr i couldnt because the manager had already left so noone to sign it off
Theres a cup in the training room that hasnt been washed did you not check before you left errr no because the training went overtime and i dont get paid to work late
Whatever i did and obviously you are doing is NEVER enough. These people zap the life out of you and you dread going into work each day. Please do yourself a favour and look for another job because your colleague will never change because she thinks she is the one who is correct and you are the problem

It's your manager's job to allocate your work, not your colleague's. Don't give up on this situation without talking to your manager. Then you'll be able to refer back to them, and may need to be a bit of a broken record.

If you can, try not to take this colleague too seriously. I had a colleague once who bothered me, much more than I liked. One day she was talking to a much less tactful / softly-softly type than me and they just laughed and said cheerfully, ah, I know what you're like about these things. I realized I was internalizing too much. I didn't need to take anything she said to me seriously.

Your colleague's, we're a team so we do these things doesn't overload workload allocation and normal working hours. Get management on it.

Do you have one to ones with your line manager? That is the perfect opportunity to bring this up. I would say more or less what you have said in your opening post - maybe use a word other than moaning to describe what your colleague is doing. But say that you absolutely need to clarify expectations as you aren’t prepared to leave the situation as it is.

We do have one to ones but I haven’t had one so far this year! Last one I had was before Christmas last year so I’d probably just have to ask my manager to schedule it in.

I like the way this is worded and how it comes across so I think I will take this approach, thank you

are you in the office 5 days a week?

It's not your problem she chooses to do compressed hours. She has actively decided to do 40 hours' work over four days. If she wants work done on Fridays, she needs to work Fridays - she's fundamentally misunderstanding that you both do the same amount of hours and acting as if you somehow have an extra day's hours that she doesn't. You don't. You just spread your hours over a different pattern. You don't have to do two people's work on a Friday just because she doesn't work on that day.

As others have said - you need to have a conversation with your manager about this because she's being a twat. She certainly shouldn't be texting you when you're on a day off.

No, we are in the office twice, sometimes three times a week

why are you expected to cover for her on a Friday? You work both full time and she does her hours condensed. she should be doing her work load in these hours. Are you expected to do her job on a Friday? Because then you would be full time plus 20%. I don't understand the arrangement. Has this not been made clear?

I would raise it with management. If you do tax, and she does data for example, then the stuff coming on for her on Friday will have to wait.

It's not fair on you. Raise it with management.