To wonder how on earth people are seeing friends every week

[Cathkidson36]

Even every 2-3 weeks, and to be honest, every month!
I couldn't imagine such a world, these are not all childfree women too. Post on here asking how often you see your friends and you'll get a range of people saying it's the above.

I'm lucky to see any of mine more than a couple of times a year and to get a text back in fewer than 3-4 business days sometimes. None of them live very far either, certainly no more than about an hour!

Am I just not close friendship material? I couldn't imagine any friend wanting to see me that much? I think most people just only see me as an acquaintance sadly.

Whatever the Mumsnet misanthropes say I don't think it's unreasonable to want to friends that you actually get to meet up with. I think the most important factor is proximity, the friends I see regularly all live within a mile or so.

Definitely - my 'gang' are all either in my village, or one of the neighbouring villages

I put YANBU but not because I couldn't imagine wanting to see my friends that much, I totally could and used to pre-kids. We just can't now because I do mostly prioritise the children and time as a family and we are so so busy and have absolutely zero social childcare. I love my friends though especially my few closest ones and would love to see them more often in an ideal world. I hope as the kids get older and eventually develop their own social lives maybe we will.

It’s up and down for me - usually see friends a lot more during the summer. Some friends more than others. Some friends once or twice a month. Others once or twice per year!

I think it depends a great deal on your life, and what 'day to day' looks like for people.

When I had young dc and we were both WOTH and both had jobs that meant we worked at home as well and we both volunteered / were involved in things, and we had 3 dc who all had their own activities, then "arranging a night out" (which could also involve babysitters) became a mammoth task. Of course, this was also a time when we didn't have much money and were paying a mortgage and childcare. 'Going out' somewhere was reserved for special occasions.
BUT, we'd still 'see friends' or 'spend time with friends' in different ways. I've developed some lovely friendships standing on the touchlines whilst supporting dcs' activities for example. Many people will 'see friends' every day on the school run. Some will 'see friends' whist they run Guides with them - incl the planning meetings, the training, the camps etc.

Pre-DC, I was really good friends with someone I worked with for a few years, because we used to commute together, so would spend an hour each way, each day just talking about anything and everything.

Now I'm older, I've revived quite a few friendships with people I was close to previously then didn't see much of for a few years - people I went to University with / 2 different groups of ex-colleagues from different places / a group who became friends as parents on the touchlines / the group I used to hang out with in my late teens and early 20s. We are the 'groups that meet up a couple of times a year', but, as it is a few groups, that balances out to being most months.

Perhaps rethink your idea that 'seeing friends' has to be a 'big night out' and that catching up as you commute / do a school run / do your hobby or volunteering is seeing friends.

I think all friendships are different. I see my longest standing friend probably 2 or 3 times a year, we exchange longish messages every so often between that, and speak by phone maybe 2 or 3 times a year. We've known each other for 45 years and we consider ourselves to be close friends. When we do meet up, it's often to go on holiday together, sometimes for a night or two, sometimes a long weekend, sometimes for a two week holiday. I would never go on so many holidays with an acquaintance.

We know each other really well, and even if we haven't seen each other for ages, as soon as we're together it's like we haven't been apart and we pick up where we left off. We just feel completely comfortable together.

For some people seeing a friend 2 or 3 times a year wouldn't work and means you're not close, but that's definitely not the case for us.

I see my closest friends every week more or less.

But we have shared hobbies so we incorporate doing the hobbies with meet ups!

One of them I meet almost every week on our day off and we either run or cycle and incorporate a cafe stop.

Another I meet once a week before work for a wild swim.

The third lives on the next street over and we both wfh so will go for a walk and a natter in our lunch break.

I see some of my closest friends twice a year max and the rest of the time we keep in touch on WhatsApp. My best friends I see once every few weeks. Most of us work full time and have kids so this feels completely normal? I couldn’t keep up with someone who wanted more frequent meets to be honest.

I have some local mum friends too but my true, oldest friends are for special occasions. Maybe it will change as the kids get older and we have more free time.

I see my friends during school holidays!

I work term time and ds is a swimmer for 4 weekdays we are at the pool twice a day, and Saturday morning and competitions and so must weekends I’m doing housework, shopping, batch cooking or just grateful to shut the front door and see none and speak to no one.

i often think this makes me a bad friend 😂

But tbh my friends contact me as I much as I contact them so I guess I just have friendships that work?

Why don’t you make friends that live nearer you? I always do when I move

I have 2 sets of friends who I see on a prearranged monthly basis. I also see some of those at other times too.

And then I have various other friends who I see between every couple of months and every couple of years.

On average I'd say I see friends at least once a week.

(Married with DC.)

I go out with friends at least twice a month. I just make sure my partner will be in, and then I put the kids to bed and leave. It’s very easy. Kids are 15, 6 and 1.5.
i see a friend weekly for a day out with the kids on a Friday, as we both have that day available.
i find it easy to navigate seeing my friends, even with young children. Because it’s important to me.

I always imagine the people who see friends once a week live in small towns or cities with people they’ve known all their lives, and have a huge bank of parents / in-laws / siblings / cousins / aunties on hand to look after the DC.

Either that or they’re minted, and have nannies and au-pairs and cleaners and housekeepers out the wazoo, and tons of money for babysitters, and everyone they know is the same.

And there are some people who just have fuck tons of energy, and keep on finding new friends to hang out with if their preferred ones aren’t available.

It’s a major event when I’m able to see one of my friends in the flesh, and it’s the same for most mums I know. I only have 3 friends I’m in regular text contact with (and by ‘regular’ I mean we have about 2 conversations a week, mainly comprised of memes)

ETA: most of my friends (and I) have moved around quite a bit and now live thousands of miles from one another in different parts of the world. Just not feasible to get a day out together every week! And it gets tough to make friends in a new place when everyone’s so busy.

I think it’s often an age / stage of life thing. In my 20s I’d have been appalled to think a time might come when I didn’t see friends at least 3 times a week and have plenty of texts and phone catch ups in between. If I had my seen someone in a year I’d forget who they were.

Now I’m nearly 50, I’m not in that intense friendship-building phase of life, but in the long maintenance phase - we did the time seeing one another 3 x a week for years, we built that solid foundation, and now most of us live thousands of miles apart, we still know everything about one another and the day to day details don’t matter so much. We can catch up once a year and it’s brilliant.

Answered your own post. In my experience the friendship marketplace is a largely meritocratic place, people who have been consistently friendly and fun have more friends

Or our kids are young adults.

I don't really have friends. Not because I am an awful person, people do want to be my friend but I can't give the commitment. I am friendly but like to keep people at arms length as I just can't be meeting up at weekends etc. I work part time but don't want those "days off" filled with coffee with pals, I have my own stuff to do. There is a mum "friend" and she doesn't work so doesn't seem to understand that I am busy and can't be making myself available all the time. Tbf I have always been a take it or leave it kind of person when it came to friends, I am v content in my own company.

This gives me hope I might have a social second wind one day!

Or that we have husbands/partners who are perfectly capable of being in sole charge of their own offspring?

You may not know this, but:

Not everyone has a husband or a partner
Not everyone has a husband or a partner who works the same hours they do
Not everyone has a husband or partner who is in good enough health to be in sole charge of their own offspring

I don't actually have any friends so don't go out 😂😂
I'll go to work dos etc but committing to seeing people is a lot of effort 😂😂

Perhaps rethink your idea that 'seeing friends' has to be a 'big night out' and that catching up as you commute / do a school run / do your hobby or volunteering is seeing friends.

I like this @CarpetKnees its a far better was of thinking about it - spending time with people you get on with!

I see my close friends which are 3 every month and that was even when my kids were little.
We make a point every time we see each other to book in the next get together. If we didn't do that we would never see each other and both my hubby and I think it's important to see friends.
I've seen the effects of not having friends and just having your partner and children as friends.
My mother in law died 11 years ago and my father in law has been lonely since then as he has no friends and they both saw each other as enough.
It's taken a toll on us as a family as my sister in law has to take him on holiday.
This happened to a very good friend of mine also. Both her and her sister found it very draining.
You must make time for friends as it's a break from your kids and a chance to be who you truly are other than being a mum.

I’ve just been on holiday with friends so saw them every day! We see friends regularly I thought that was normal. I need time to recharge my batteries before I’m good to go again, whereas dh would happily spend 24/7 with friends.

I don't think most posters are reading the OP's post properly. She is not saying she doesn't have time to see her friends. She is saying her friends don't have time for her!

Anyway this thread has given me a uch needed kick up the arse. I suggested to my book club acquaintances that we meet for a walk once a week. And I have takers! Hoping those acquaintances turn into friends. Was expecting to be ignored.

Not on Mn, where the norm is to retreat into ‘my little family’, and put on your pyjamas the moment t you get in from work, because under no circumstances are you going out again.