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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should we buy the car or give her the money?

91 replies

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 16:01

So my dd turns 18 next month, her driving test is 2 days before her birthday. She has a trust fund with 2 grand that was set aside in the hope she buys a car with it, but only she can access it. I know she absolutely loves a certain car in a certain colour and magically one is for sale near us asking for 1500.
I think we should buy the car then take the 1500 back once she empties her trust fund. Leaving her with 500 cash plus all the gifts we have already bought her. My DH thinks we should just give her the full fund and it's up to her how much she spends on the car.
Who is being unreasonable?

YABU - give her the full amount
Or
YANBU - use the money for the car and give her the 500

Also for note my DD really wants a car however she loves Temu and shopping and I doubt the money will go to a car in the long run and it was saved for that purpose.

OP posts:
ScrambledEggs12 · 01/09/2025 16:03

Can you ask your daughter what she wants?

bitterexwife · 01/09/2025 16:03

Ask her? It’s a great offer if that’s her ideal car and available now. Suggest she puts the other £500 towards insurance/driving lessons if not already passed?
let her know expected minimum cost of MOT, RAC etc? £500 won’t go far for a young car owner!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/09/2025 16:06

A friends son’s car insurance was £2500 for the first year. Have you checked all the costs?

As for her blowing it all, is it not better to talk to her about investing it? How much could it be when she leaves uni or wants to buy a home of her own?

Original poster
sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 16:14

We were thinking of asking her but I thought buying it, filling it with petrol and popping a bow on it would be such a surprise and I know she'd love that, and we couldn't do that if she already knows about it.
Yes we checked the insurance, it was an okay amount and we are covering it for her for the first year. She is just away to start uni, still living at home and will be for the next 3 years anyway.

OP posts:
Jesswebster01 · 01/09/2025 16:17

But then won't she think you have nought her the car then finds out your taking the trust fund money to cover it. Be best asking her.

Doobeedoobeedoobee · 01/09/2025 16:25

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 16:14

We were thinking of asking her but I thought buying it, filling it with petrol and popping a bow on it would be such a surprise and I know she'd love that, and we couldn't do that if she already knows about it.
Yes we checked the insurance, it was an okay amount and we are covering it for her for the first year. She is just away to start uni, still living at home and will be for the next 3 years anyway.

But you wouldn’t actually be giving it as a present, you’d be using her trust fund to buy the car.

it’s her money, she needs to decide IMO!

BruFord · 01/09/2025 16:28

How will she pay for the insurance once you start covering it though? Will she have to use her loans?

I’d let her decide what she wants to do with the £2K.

deckchairmayhem · 01/09/2025 16:28

Why does she need a car? Is it an impulse buy?

Bloodylovecheese · 01/09/2025 16:28

Does she need a car for Uni? Depending on where she's going that might be a bad move.

FloralAllTheWay · 01/09/2025 16:30

How will she cover her insurance after the first year? Ds couldn't have a car at uni, nowhere to park outside the accommodation and nowhere to park on campus at all.

Clearinguptheclutter · 01/09/2025 16:32

As much as you want to surprise her you’re counting on her “reimbursing” you so you neee to check with her

does she def need a car? Unis are not generally car friendly. Also check insurance costs before going any further

BusWankers · 01/09/2025 16:37

If she's off to uni, does she actually need a car?

sweetpickle2 · 01/09/2025 16:41

I think it would actually be quite cruel to present as a gift with a big bow when it’s not a gift in the slightest.

RentalWoesNotFun · 01/09/2025 16:42

What if she, unbeknown to you, has put a deposit on another car so you end up with a problem.

Tell her about the car and put a deposit on it if she likes it. And then pay it off when she’s not looking and do the bow thing on the actual day.

netflixfan · 01/09/2025 16:45

You buy it. 18 year old girls are uunlikely to know much about cars - unless she is an apprentice mechanic.

Blissker · 01/09/2025 16:45

It sounds lovely but you absolutely cannot spend her money without asking her. And what if she doesn't pass?

I think you should "spoil the surprise" and talk about it with her. It sounds like a great opportunity. Shame it's not you buying the car and her the insurance.

Coconutter24 · 01/09/2025 16:46

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 16:14

We were thinking of asking her but I thought buying it, filling it with petrol and popping a bow on it would be such a surprise and I know she'd love that, and we couldn't do that if she already knows about it.
Yes we checked the insurance, it was an okay amount and we are covering it for her for the first year. She is just away to start uni, still living at home and will be for the next 3 years anyway.

The bow etc is what you would do if you’re giving her the car as a gift. You can’t do the grand gesture of surprising her with a car and then saying “oh btw we’re going to take £1500 out your trust fund for it”!

PeonyBulb · 01/09/2025 16:48

Just buy the car out of your own money if you want to surprise her with it

EffinMagicFairy · 01/09/2025 16:48

DS went to Uni at 20, he sold his car and put the money in savings ready to buy one when he graduates.

ThejoyofNC · 01/09/2025 16:51

Yes buying it and wrapping it with a bow would be lovely.

However you don't intend to buy her it. You want to spend her money on it, without permission, and dress it up as a gift. What are you actually giving her, a tank of petrol and a bow?

Ohmygodthepain · 01/09/2025 16:52

If only she can access the money then it's up to her, and only her.

nomas · 01/09/2025 16:52

So my dd turns 18 next month, her driving test is 2 days before her birthday. She has a trust fund with 2 grand that was set aside in the hope she buys a car with it, but only she can access it.

Do you mean only you and DH can access it?

Else why can't she withdraw £1500 and buy the car?

SuperSaint · 01/09/2025 16:54

If she is planning on going to uni I honestly would think about whether she needs a car now. Neither of my DCs could take a car to halls in the first year unless they paid a huge amount for a permit and even then priority was given to disabled students.
DS passed his test just before his 18th birthday and was given a car. It cost him so much to insure he ended up SORNing it when he went to uni.
If she does get the car she will need the extra £500 for tax, servicing, mot etc anyway.

user593 · 01/09/2025 16:56

No, I would not buy her a car with her own money and pretend it’s a present.

sweetpickle2 · 01/09/2025 16:56

nomas · 01/09/2025 16:52

So my dd turns 18 next month, her driving test is 2 days before her birthday. She has a trust fund with 2 grand that was set aside in the hope she buys a car with it, but only she can access it.

Do you mean only you and DH can access it?

Else why can't she withdraw £1500 and buy the car?

Edited

Presumably she’s the only one who can access it but needs to be 18 to do so.

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