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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that people are very harsh on here.

114 replies

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 15:50

I'm quite new on here but have been on forums for years and owned several. I miss forums, so thought I'd give this one a try. I am truly shocked at how some posters on here speak to people who are clearly upset with various issues. AIBU?

OP posts:
Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 18:29

Allswellthatendswelll · 01/09/2025 18:24

I don't mind a salty comment if it's fair. What annoys me is people who don't bother to read any clarifications from the OP or people who just basically lack reading comprehension.

That's what I don't understand. The lack of reading comprehension. Like this thread e.g. I honestly think too many posters on here take things far too personally and have had a poor education so can't read things properly, so resort to insults which actually have nothing to do with the thread.

OP posts:
Naws · 01/09/2025 18:39

YANBU OP.

But to be fair, I've seen you around on other threads and you do very often come across as quite harsh and salty yourself.

I guess we don't always see ourselves the way others do, and I include myself in that.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 01/09/2025 18:39

I honestly think too many posters on here take things far too personally and have had a poor education so can't read things properly, so resort to insults.

Oh. The. Irony.

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 18:44

Naws · 01/09/2025 18:39

YANBU OP.

But to be fair, I've seen you around on other threads and you do very often come across as quite harsh and salty yourself.

I guess we don't always see ourselves the way others do, and I include myself in that.

I'll take that. I am very blunt at times. I don't know if it's being Scottish or just me. I can take things too far. So agree with you.

OP posts:
Charabanc · 01/09/2025 18:52

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 18:44

I'll take that. I am very blunt at times. I don't know if it's being Scottish or just me. I can take things too far. So agree with you.

Ah. A little self awareness has entered the chat.

brunettemic · 01/09/2025 18:56

Yes…but I’m also shocked at the complete inability of so many people to deal with even the smallest of issues. The language used is often so emotive and bizarre, people are “terrified” of the weirdest, insignificant things.

Filigreebetts798 · 01/09/2025 19:01

Welcome op! 💐

Mumsnet is just a reflection of real life! It’s an open forum; free to anyone and everyone!

There are some extraordinarily well informed and kind people on here who go to great lengths to convey information and help others. But you need to look at the specific topics for that eg elderly parents, teenagers, and specific health topics to quote a few specific examples out of many. The teenager forum virtually saved my life when one of mine was going through a difficult patch.

And there are some very wise women with years of experience in their particular professional niche who offer great career advice.

But there also trolls who come on here causing trouble whether they are going through issues themselves, or bored teenagers or whatever.

In general there are lots of well educated people posting on topics such as the politics and feminist boards.

And yes, as above, there will be lots of people turning a problem back on the poster which isn’t kind or helpful. It’s not all hugs and bunnies for sure but sometimes that is not what would be of most use to a poster in distress. The hive mind can be helpful to someone who can’t see something objectively. And there are examples where a step-child, to take another random example, can express the diametrically opposite view to that expressed by a step-mother for example, which can aid understanding on both sides. You can learn a lot about different people’s viewpoints on here if you want to,

But you shouldn’t forget that it’s a commercial entity. Our content is their product. The moderation is very courteous and generally fair but because of the size of the site, largely relies on self reporting nowadays. And there’s a degree of randomness about how well an op’s post will be received by other posters, depending on the time of day, who is responding, the wording used, etc.

I think Mumsnet, on balance , is a very good thing! You can waste a lot of time on the site for sure on the more frivolous topics, but equally I think it is an increasingly important space where women can speak freely. And that is becoming more and more important in today’s world of increasing misogyny, fake news and sponsored journalism. Of course there are bound to be bots and PR professionals posting on here too!

One serious point is that Mumsnet offers a very important and relatively safe space for women in coercive or controlling relationships, sometimes physically abusive ones, and when in recent years in the UK, a woman has been killed by a man every three days on average, that is extremely valuable. .

And as the parent of a now adult child with ASD, I know first hand how important the SEN boards are.

Also, you can ask for a product recommendation, outside of the product promotions, and know you will get a genuine opinion back. That is also a quite rare resource nowadays!

Of course, you have to take any type of advice offered, whether it’s about a hoover, a relationship, a recipe, a pension plan, or an exercise routine, with a good shot of common sense and objectivity.

Like anything else , you have to get used to the site. Think before you post. Be careful why and how you post. And sorry, but I don’t disagree with the point the poster made above. Maybe try it for six months before commenting? You may have had some better experiences by then! And if you look back, you will see that there has been about a post every month or so on average saying “isn’t Mumsnet vile and horrible?” . But it’s survived for many years so many people must be finding it vaguely entertaining and/or helpful!

Op, fwiw, I had my arse handed to me on a plate when I first posted on Mumsnet over twenty years ago. I was complaining about not being able to get anything done after going from 0 to 1 child back then, while working pt. And posters rightly put me straight and pointed out that compared to many ft working mothers with more than one child, I had it fairly easy and I wasn’t making the most of the free time I had. As a struggling new mum, that wasn’t easy to hear, but it actually was objectively true which helped me a lot as well. So maybe give Mumsnet a bit more time before judging? You will always get the random trolls and posters who seem to revel in other people’s misfortune, but that’s true in any walk of life!

Enough4me · 01/09/2025 19:21

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 18:44

I'll take that. I am very blunt at times. I don't know if it's being Scottish or just me. I can take things too far. So agree with you.

What is blunt to one person is nasty to another and vice-versa.
It's all about matter of opinion 🤷‍♀️

Millytante · 01/09/2025 20:25

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 18:29

That's what I don't understand. The lack of reading comprehension. Like this thread e.g. I honestly think too many posters on here take things far too personally and have had a poor education so can't read things properly, so resort to insults which actually have nothing to do with the thread.

Yikes.
AIBU could have twin or parallel forums; one Grammar School, t’other Secondary Mod.

CarpetKnees · 01/09/2025 20:35

Superb post @Filigreebetts798

Agree 100% with what you have said.

CarpetKnees · 01/09/2025 20:38

You could learn something from @Filigreebetts798 's post OP.

This is definitely the first thread I've seen on here where someone comes on to complain about other posters being rude, unkind, harsh or blunt, who is then so rude she has managed to have three separate posts deleted!!

Dontlletmedownbruce · 01/09/2025 21:39

brunettemic · 01/09/2025 18:56

Yes…but I’m also shocked at the complete inability of so many people to deal with even the smallest of issues. The language used is often so emotive and bizarre, people are “terrified” of the weirdest, insignificant things.

Yes, irrational fear or really embarrassed about silly things..like I scratched my car and I'm too embarrassed to go to the garage or accidentally deleted an email from DC school and I'm too embarrassed to ask them to resend. I can't understand how they became grown adults like that.

Matronic6 · 01/09/2025 21:55

Differentforgirls · 01/09/2025 18:29

That's what I don't understand. The lack of reading comprehension. Like this thread e.g. I honestly think too many posters on here take things far too personally and have had a poor education so can't read things properly, so resort to insults which actually have nothing to do with the thread.

Yep. The average reading age of a UK adult is 9-11 and some of the comments on this site is a sad testament to that statistic. But also some posters are just deliberately nasty and seem to relish in unleashing their inner trolls when they can do it anonymously.

Enough4me · 02/09/2025 00:50

I imagine some post just to be controversial. However, I hope people with all educational backgrounds post on MN. Intelligence isn't the school you attended nor a reading age and wider opinions matter.
If we don't hear diverse opinions we miss other perspectives.

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