To think that people are very harsh on here.

[Differentforgirls]

I'm quite new on here but have been on forums for years and owned several. I miss forums, so thought I'd give this one a try. I am truly shocked at how some posters on here speak to people who are clearly upset with various issues. AIBU?

The same could be said of you though - if you don't like a forum then leave it.

I agree, OP. I think some people don't know the difference between honest, no-frills advice and being downright nasty. And you'll get lots of people on this very thread making excuses for that kind of attitude.

OPs ask a question, and instead of useful, practical answers, some pps tell them that they 'sound snobbish, awful, judgemental etc etc', but don't actually address the point they're posting about. Or pps make crazy assumptions, reading between the lines. If they're not going to take what the OP says as true, It's pointless to bother responding.

Also - the people who live on another planet where you really CAN just say 'NO!' to a friend or boss's demand. Yes, you can decline, but in the real world outside the MN bubble, No is hardly ever a complete sentence.

I think the really nasty responses come from very sad specimens of humanity who probably have little real social contact and use anonymous online platforms to vent their spleen against the world, so don't take it personally!

I think the really nasty responses come from very sad specimens of humanity who probably have little real social contact and use anonymous online platforms to vent their spleen against the world, so don't take it personally!

Are they jealous, too?

Some people are batshit in a way that I’ve never experienced in real life. You see the same, argumentative so and so’s who would disagree with a brick wall! Start a thread about Botox and let the fun unfold 🤣

Excellent. Then keep up the good work. Maybe work on avoiding the personal attacks though. Calling people 'bully', telling them you're surprised they have any friends, and being confrontational and aggressive when people don't share your views is probably a bit counterproductive to the nice supportive atmosphere you'd prefer.

Don't go there!

If you don’t like it then maybe you should just
FOTTFEOFTFOSMADPGOTWOYFFF
😡😡😡😡

Seriously though, there are some posters who use MN to jump on anyone and generally be bitchy, sometimes in a performative way, as though the more furious they come across, the more righteous they must be.

Oh that made me laugh; thank you. 😽

(Of COURSE I’m going to seek it out with extreme urgency!)

I agree, however, some OPs clearly need some harsh truths and a verbal kick up the arse for their own sanity and safety.

😂

There are some posters who are right arseholes. Best ignored. There is also some good advice if you ignore the ones trying to be the biggest cunt.

I find the lack of respect for other people having different perspectives really strange. On AIBU, for example, the topic invites different points of view. But very often, we see the OP getting hugely defensive about their stance when replies disagreeing with their mindset are posted - so why open up the question? Wasn't the entire point of the post to gather different viewpoints and develop a new perspective?

That said, sometimes (well, often), posters are so sure they are correct in what they think, real-life conventions and caveats such as 'in my own experience' or 'in my personal opinion' aren't even acknowledged. Posts referring to people's partners as 'c*nts' for example, when the situation isn't especially clear-cut, feel really misplaced. I wonder how the OP manages at the end of the day when the family members are sitting at home together, after reading everything that has been posted.

And of course, there are sadly, some horrendously awful cases of DV and abuse that are posted. Even here, I'm not sure derogatory terms are helpful because I think it risks the unintended impact of making the OP feel sorry for the perpetrator and renege on any plans to leave them.

MN seems to be an amplified microcosm of the real world - and a lot of it isn't very nice at all.

You're on AIBU, which has always been renowned for being like this - it's why its so popular, people love the drama Micky. And yes, there are posters who clearly enjoy stirring the pot, or sticking the boot in as often as they can just to see what happens. If everyone ignored them they'd get bored and go away...

Another one proving my point. Do you own mumsnet?

What?

I can! Thank you x

AIBU is about frank assessment of your situation by people who don’t know you and have no incentive to sugar coat their advice BUT know what they are talking about. Some of it quite blunt. Some of it is actually downright nasty, yes..

But you don’t come on a board like this to get kind platitudes. This isn’t it’s purpose.

I am not a fan of people being downright unkind but I think for many people this is a place to get genuinely unvarnished advice and criticism from unbiased experts who aren’t making money from their advice. Don’t knock it. It’s quite hard to come by in real life.

Totally agree!

Also the written word can easily be taken the wrong way. The phrase 'mistake not malice' is a good one to keep in mind when you are on line.

I'm the same?

Thanks for your advice which I will, obviously completely ignore.

Ha ha - yes - I missed that one!

The only possible reason anyone can have for not liking someone or criticising their behaviour is jealousy. Stands to reason!

It’s a good point. Facial expression etc often mitigates comments IRL, and some pps don’t take this into account so their posts come over as blunter and more aggressive than they might intend.

You'll have to be a bit more articulate I'm afraid.
Which part of my post is troubling you?