Mum is flying abroad before my due date

[Cupcake9753679]

I am due on the first of November, my mother promised she would book off 2 weeks when I give birth to help me following child birth. I already have a 3yr old who refuses to stay with anyone but me, my husband or my mum. He has never stayed the night away from my husband or I and has a great bond with my mother.
I have no other family around that can watch my son, I have some siblings but they are too young and my husbands family live hours away.
the issue is, my mother wants to see her grandmother abroad who is on her death bed and won’t return until the 24th of October. Cutting this very close, I told her that without childcare my husband would have to be with my little one during labour and I’d have to take my younger sister with me to the hospital and told her that I would need someone with experience.
ultimately she has said don’t worry and that I would be over due and she would be back in time. I told her to just book the tickets because it sounded as though she has already made up her mind. I am heartbroken that at my most vulnerable time she is going abroad,Am I being unreasonable?

edit: I understand the need for my mum to go see her grandmother in such a serious situation and support her mother but I feel as though her promises to me were broken yet again

She didn't break her promise. EVERY commitment comes with an implicit "unless I am hit by a bus or some other unfortunate life event happens that has to take precedent".

And even so, a commitment to be there for you when you have a baby typically means "I will plan around the expected arrival date of the baby. If it comes early, we'll have to play it by ear."

If your eldest is used only to you, your husband and your mum, that is firmly on you and something you had 9 months to rectify.

Your eldest having a babysitter he is not used to is NOT a big deal compared to her grandmother dying.

You giving birth with 'just' the medical staff is not that big a deal, if you haven't been bothered to set up a (paid) support system that is stronger than one person.

Your attitude sucks.

Are you always this self centred?

I agree. So she expects her mum to be off for 2 weeks before her due date and then another 2 weeks post birth. That's potentially 6 weeks.

Your younger sister will be fine watching your 3yo at your house so your husband can support you and be present for the birth. He can leave soon after to relieve your sister if you son is really not settling for her but imo kids are a lot more adaptable than we think they are (unless SEN/additional needs?). If you went overdue with your first and if there’s a history of overdue in your family then high chance you will go overdue with your second.

Seriously? No one is this entitled.

The three year old doesn't dictate what adults do at a time like this.

He's less than a year from school age. Get him used to other people.

I don’t think you are being selfish. Your mum made a commitment to you. It can’t be a surprise that her grandmother is unwell at her age,she should have made plans to visit her before instead of leaving to the last minute and letting you down, you’re having a baby not having your hair done

Have you ever had a baby? Ofc it matters fgs

If your sister is old enough to come to the hospital with you then surely she is old enough to look after ds?

You’re being absolutely awful to your mum and you should apologise. She probably already feels guilty!! What about women who have no family at all around to help. She’ll be back hopefully a week before. And if she isn’t, then be a grown ass woman and just deal with it!! Life sometimes doesn’t work out perfectly. Plan alternatives.

Yes when elderly parents get older we should just make no effort to see them because that’s life right.

Jeez, what a nasty mindset.

She doesn't need her mum to safely have a baby, she would like her mum as the easiest and cheapest babysitter option.

By that logic maybe OP should have considered that her great grandmother is elderly and planned her pregnancy accordingly!

And her mum is still going to be back. How long should she be available for before the birth?

Your 3 year old may not feel as safe with others, but they will be absolutely fine being left with another friend or your sister for the duration of your labour.

You've got two months to get your 3 year old used to being looked after by your sister at your house. At this age, it's good for him to expand the range of carers he's happy with.

!00% agree

Did everyone get out of bed the wrong side today?

Is it end of holiday blues?

Just because this is AIBU you don't all have to be nasty, you can give your views in a reasonable manner.

Good grief.

That’s not what I meant. I meant OPs GREAT grandmother being sick shouldn’t be a surprise to her mum at her age so make more of an effort to see her beforehand rather than at the worst time when she’s already got commitments

Most peeps don't get to decide when they die, OP has back up with her h and sis to look after her son, there is time for preparing her son.
Majority of peeps on here agree also that her gm has to take priority at this tome on this ocassion and so do I.

Maybe she wants to stay there until after the funeral?

Edited. I was wrong.

Your mum sounds like she has a lot on her plate. You should use the next 2 months to find and get your child used to alternative childcare. Why can't your sister do it? If she's old enough to support you in hospital she's old enough to watch a 3 year old for a day.
And you should think twice about asking your mum to take 2 weeks off work to look after you. That's what paternity leave is for and I bet your mum could use some downtime.
Supportive families are great, but it needs to go both ways. It isn't one person getting exactly the amount of help they would prefer.

Your three year old will be fine with your sister. Yes they might have a tantrum at first but will soon get over it. You are being ridiculous and making your mums life harder at what is already a hard time

Several - my priority was making sure older children were looked after.
And DH being there for the children as they are growing up.

Yes exactly my thoughts too op.

3 year olds can refuse to do any number of things, it doesn’t mean you bow down to them. Plenty of time to get him used to staying with other people. And yes I was thinking he must start school next year, so needs to get used to new things.

I was also thinking if your sister is old enough to be your birthing partner, she is old enough to look after your 3 year old.