Mum is flying abroad before my due date

[Cupcake9753679]

I am due on the first of November, my mother promised she would book off 2 weeks when I give birth to help me following child birth. I already have a 3yr old who refuses to stay with anyone but me, my husband or my mum. He has never stayed the night away from my husband or I and has a great bond with my mother.
I have no other family around that can watch my son, I have some siblings but they are too young and my husbands family live hours away.
the issue is, my mother wants to see her grandmother abroad who is on her death bed and won’t return until the 24th of October. Cutting this very close, I told her that without childcare my husband would have to be with my little one during labour and I’d have to take my younger sister with me to the hospital and told her that I would need someone with experience.
ultimately she has said don’t worry and that I would be over due and she would be back in time. I told her to just book the tickets because it sounded as though she has already made up her mind. I am heartbroken that at my most vulnerable time she is going abroad,Am I being unreasonable?

edit: I understand the need for my mum to go see her grandmother in such a serious situation and support her mother but I feel as though her promises to me were broken yet again

You are being incredibly unreasonable. She hasn't broken any promises, something expected has come up that rightfully is the priority right now.

All this fuss and your mum will likely be back in time anyway.

She's not exactly going on holiday. Please get a grip.

My mum booked a holiday for my due date. I gave birth alone while DH looked after our other kids. And I do mean alone. The ward was short staffed, I was completely alone. It was fine. I was told on this site that I was being outrageously selfish to be hurt that she hadn't thought about me, or cared about me, or whatever. But funny, she does lie about it now, and tell people my baby came early and she'd planned to be back on time to help out.

I can understand why you're scared - plans you've made for a scary time have fallen through - but try not to project onto your mum. She did want to help - just, her grandmother's death does have to take priority. Try to take comfort from the fact she wants to help, and will be around after the birth. I was alone with 2 young kids and a newborn within days when DH went back to work.

I told her that without childcare my husband would have to be with my little one during labour and I’d have to take my younger sister with me to the hospital and told her that I would need someone with experience ... I told her to just book the tickets because it sounded as though she has already made up her mind. I am heartbroken that at my most vulnerable time she is going abroad

OP, can't you see have selfish this is? Why would you guilt trip your mother like this?

This.

The staff at the hospital have experience. Or you could get a doula.

If she is dying then that is more important but I am interested to know how she is able to plan a trip so far in advanced for someone on their deathbed .

You don’t need someone ‘with experience’ with you, how selfish. Needing two weeks help is also embarrassing; how do you think everyone else manages?

Your 3yo has plenty of time to get used to more family members.

Get a doula OP.

I have been fortunate to work alongside some great doulas, and your hospital might even be able to point you to some if you call them and ask.

Your mum won't ever get this opportunity to say goodbye again, and your 3 year old will only have his dad come lift off time.

YABVU. You have your younger sister to support if your mum isn’t there. You may not get the perfect birth with your husband there and mum at home but life isn’t perfect.

The chances are she’ll be back in time but life really doesn’t revolve around you.

sorry but YABU! Surely, you can understand that her trip can't be postponed?

I told her that without childcare my husband would have to be with my little one during labour

Sorry, but so what? He is the dad. It's pretty normal for subsequent children to not have the dad present at birth as they look after older siblings. You won't birth alone but have midwives with you (this is how I had DC2 for exactly this reason). It's not a big thing.

and why do you need your mum for a fortnight? This sort of level dependance (esp with a husband at the scene) is extremely unusual. There clearly is a backstory....

what does she has broken her promises to me ...yet again ! mean?
She is in an impossible situation and sounds like a good Granma to your other child unless there is some massive drip feed coming yabu.

A 3 yr old can't dictate who looks after them. Get him to stay with your sister and get your husband to go to the hospital with you.

Your sister looks after your 3 yo?? If he's not used to staying with her you've got 6 weeks to build their relationship?

Her grandmother takes priority here. But am a bit confused why she’s not going sooner if it’s clear she’s nearing the end of her life?

Birth and life can be unpredictable so it’s good you have a plan b anyway and a few months to get comfortable with however the timings might play out.

If your mum often lets you down I can see how this might feel like yet another disappointment but it’s not the same as this is out of her hands.

Grow up OP..
Christ you are a mother yourself though obviously not a stable one.
You are the problem here, not your mum, not your dying grandparent and not your 3 yr old.

If you have willing people it's your job to help your child cope with staying with them. Build it up. Start with an hour. Then a meal. Have very exciting toys at the persons house. Or have them at your house and they bring cool toys.

There are other people in her life who need help and support right now, more than you do.

Good grief, what astounding entitlement.

This problem might be solved for you, since elderly people don't usually hang around on their death beds for a couple of months.

You chose to have another child this is not on her

Wow Yabvu. Someone is dying...they take priority.

Your child will have to get used to staying with someone else then. He doesn’t get to choose. Ridiculous. Is your dad around?
Isnt DH taking any paternity leave? What’s all this ‘help’ you need??
Get it together.

It’s ok to break a promise when you need to go and see your dating grandmother.

You really dont need a birthing partner...I had ds with just midwives while dh looked after dd.