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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think to audition was a waste of time?

130 replies

Travelfairy · 31/08/2025 23:50

DD loves all things drama, attends 3 different stage schools/drama groups as well as doing ballet seperately. Went for an audition for Christmas panto last week, as we waited a mum in the queue told me how she had been involved with this panto for 28 years and that 'everyone there knows' her DD.
My DD did a brilliant audition, she didnt get the part. This other little girl did. I'm not saying she's not talented but aibu to think that this was probably decided before they even went in to audition? Just seems like a massive waste of time and that as with most other things its more about who you know! DD will be very disappointed in the morning, email just came through.

OP posts:
CoastalCalm · 31/08/2025 23:53

The other child could actually have been the better option and nothing to do with who you know - sounds like you and your daughter need to get a thicker skin if going to more auditions

Original poster
Travelfairy · 31/08/2025 23:57

Yes, she could have been. But I have my doubts, i heard a bit of the audition. This is only her third audition. Last one went to the casting directors niece. Didn't hear about previous one. Just seems its a very clicky industry even at local level. She has more auditions in coming weeks.
She got a distinction in all her drama exams. She is definitely good (not just Mammy thinking shes good!) Its just disheartening that she gave it her all but maybe no matter what she had done it was all but promised to someone else
.....

OP posts:
Dramatic · 01/09/2025 00:01

I think people would be surprised to learn how often these things go on. Yanbu, it probably was a done deal.

Anonyone1 · 01/09/2025 00:01

That’s showbiz!

DiscoBob · 01/09/2025 00:04

Why do you think she didn't get the part on merit? Lots of pushy stage mums probably say all sorts about how well known and successful their darling offspring is. Just ignore it.

If you want your daughter to have a stage career you're going to need a much thicker skin as rejection is par for the course.

Original poster
Travelfairy · 01/09/2025 00:04

Dramatic · 01/09/2025 00:01

I think people would be surprised to learn how often these things go on. Yanbu, it probably was a done deal.

Beginning to think i shouldn't have wasted her time bringing her....I suppose at least she got the experience of an audition

OP posts:
lotsofpatience · 01/09/2025 00:07

You are just bitter your daughter didn't get the part and looking for a culprit. She was not good enough, that is all.

CherrieTomaties · 01/09/2025 00:08

Travelfairy · 01/09/2025 00:04

Beginning to think i shouldn't have wasted her time bringing her....I suppose at least she got the experience of an audition

Show quote history

It wasn’t a waste of time. It’s experience.

If your daughter wants to go into acting/musical theatre then she needs to attend every audition she can! She needs to experience rejection.

Original poster
Travelfairy · 01/09/2025 00:10

lotsofpatience · 01/09/2025 00:07

You are just bitter your daughter didn't get the part and looking for a culprit. She was not good enough, that is all.

No I'm not bitter. She hasn't got other parts to better actors before but this very much seemed a done deal. The kid was picked from 5th in the queue to audition first was first red flag. The Mum saying how well she knew everyone including casting director....

OP posts:
Original poster
Travelfairy · 01/09/2025 00:11

CherrieTomaties · 01/09/2025 00:08

It wasn’t a waste of time. It’s experience.

If your daughter wants to go into acting/musical theatre then she needs to attend every audition she can! She needs to experience rejection.

Show quote history

True!

OP posts:
MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 01/09/2025 00:20

I’m a professional actor. Sometimes, you can have a brilliant audition, do everything right, impress the hell out of everyone - and still not get the part. It has nothing to do with not being good enough. And I’ve been on the other side, too, as a director, and turned down some fantastic actors I’d have loved to work with - but at the time, there was someone else who just fit the role better.

Getting rejected, getting over it, and trying again is a massive aspect of the job. You need to be tough as nails and resilient as hell.

It’s really hard on kids though. It’s why I’m so glad my DC aren’t interested in performing, and while when friends with kids who are ask whether I’d recommend as a career, I say no!!

(With the qualifier that if they’ve really got the acting bug, it won’t matter what I say, or their parents say, or what anyone says - they’re going to do it anyway. And that’s good, because they need that level of drive and determination to stand any chance at all.)

JFDIYOLO · 01/09/2025 00:25

Auditioning and not getting cast is the absolute norm for anyone in the acting business. The vast majority of actors are unemployed.

Audition experience is hugely valuable.

Don't be that stage mother.

You role is to encourage them as they prepare, and as soon as it's done, he'll the move on to the next one.

(If it's what THEY want.)

Original poster
Travelfairy · 01/09/2025 06:59

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 01/09/2025 00:20

I’m a professional actor. Sometimes, you can have a brilliant audition, do everything right, impress the hell out of everyone - and still not get the part. It has nothing to do with not being good enough. And I’ve been on the other side, too, as a director, and turned down some fantastic actors I’d have loved to work with - but at the time, there was someone else who just fit the role better.

Getting rejected, getting over it, and trying again is a massive aspect of the job. You need to be tough as nails and resilient as hell.

It’s really hard on kids though. It’s why I’m so glad my DC aren’t interested in performing, and while when friends with kids who are ask whether I’d recommend as a career, I say no!!

(With the qualifier that if they’ve really got the acting bug, it won’t matter what I say, or their parents say, or what anyone says - they’re going to do it anyway. And that’s good, because they need that level of drive and determination to stand any chance at all.)

Thank you, this is helpful seeing it from other perspectives

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 01/09/2025 07:01

CoastalCalm · 31/08/2025 23:53

The other child could actually have been the better option and nothing to do with who you know - sounds like you and your daughter need to get a thicker skin if going to more auditions

This.

Original poster
Travelfairy · 01/09/2025 07:05

JFDIYOLO · 01/09/2025 00:25

Auditioning and not getting cast is the absolute norm for anyone in the acting business. The vast majority of actors are unemployed.

Audition experience is hugely valuable.

Don't be that stage mother.

You role is to encourage them as they prepare, and as soon as it's done, he'll the move on to the next one.

(If it's what THEY want.)

Its 100% what she wants to do. I had no interest in this as a child and still don't (love going to the theatre etc but would never want to act/sing).

She got into a stage school that requires an audition to get in to a few years ago and was separately invited to join a very small well regarded singing group too. This isn't a delusional stage mum, she is good. The point I'm making is, as I am not from this world is that immediately a big disadvantage to her?
At this recent audition, it was pretty obvious this other child had the part and now surprise surprise she was announced yesterday as getting the role. I'm sure she is good but it feels like if the best child actor in the world walked through that door yesterday they weren't picking her as it had been promised to this child. Even the child herseld was saying to mum, when will I get my costume etc it was a set up it appears

OP posts:
Lemintonic · 01/09/2025 07:06

Oh god am dram is cliquey as fuck. I've auditioned for loads of local groups and even walking in, felt the disdain. You look at the cast list and see all the same names every single time.
Luckily, a year ago a new group started which I auditioned for and have got parts in each play since.
I guess that may look like 'favouritism' too - but the truth is, the director knew none of us when she started it and so went on the right people for the role!
It's my passion as it is many peoples and I'm so grateful to her

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 01/09/2025 07:08

I’ve been involved in local theatre for 25 years. Yes, relationships could have played a part but the other girl must’ve been very good to get the part, maybe they were more confident that she could do the job on stage as they had seen her before.

Do you have a local group that does regular shows - would recommend getting involved, doing some ‘company’ roles before going for main parts.

It’s a great hobby, hope your DD gets over the disappointment, thats all part of this world but makes the rewards worth it when they do come!

CeciliaDuckiePond · 01/09/2025 07:08

Maybe chatting it through with one of your DD's teachers would help.

tripleginandtonic · 01/09/2025 07:11

The stage is not for your dd if you can't cope with her getting rejected.

mistys7thwonder · 01/09/2025 07:12

lotsofpatience · 01/09/2025 00:07

You are just bitter your daughter didn't get the part and looking for a culprit. She was not good enough, that is all.

Nasty comment. Seeing as you weren’t there and didn’t see the audition.
This happens all the time especially in local set ups. It’s not what you know but who you know.
I suggest being kinder and more empathy is something you need to audition and try out for

Meadowfinch · 01/09/2025 07:14

OP, on that basis, you wouldn't ever try for anything. What an odd attitude. Don't share your thoughts with your dd, you don't want her to end up thinking the same thing.

Gizlotsmum · 01/09/2025 07:14

Local groups do tend to be like that , larger productions less so. Can you get involved in a local group? Do her schools put on shows? But yes it can be who not what you know. However once you are in you are set for as long as you want.

NuovaPilbeam · 01/09/2025 07:17

The whole acting world has a huge undercurrent of nepotism/who you know! Its well known. Lots of minor (and major) actors are connected in some way with people already in the industry.

But also in reality loads of people can act well/well enough for most parts, its not that rare a skill. Add in that loads of people want to do it, and they have to choose between them all somehow. Often its just a quirky look, someone who'll fit with other cast members etc.

Cannedlaughter · 01/09/2025 07:18

Yep. The entertainment industry is run on who you know. Not just the acting parts but all the behind the scenes roles as well. There is always the exception but for the majority roles in that industry such as costume, production, acting etc has started because they know someone who recommended them. A family member works in it and got in because someone helped them, they then had to sell themselves constantly while others who parents were in the industry just got new positions on the next production, automatically got taken on. Everyone they worked with bar one person got in that way.

Happyapplesanspears · 01/09/2025 07:19

My DD was a child model and the majority of the time the jobs went to the same few children.

Occasionally DD went to very large auditions and you could guess who was going to get the jobs.
The children weren’t only chosen for looks but also because they were easy to work with and were known to have reliable parents/carers.