DD having surgery - not allowed to accompany her?

[BluebellWoods78]

DD (20) is having surgery next week. We were informed a few days ago that I will not be able to accompany her - instead we will say our goodbyes at reception (not even allowed up to the ward to sit with her before surgery!) and after that I will only be allowed in during strict 6-9pm visiting time. DD is understandably anxious about the operation (spinal surgery) and really wanted me to be there with her whilst waiting on the ward to go down to theatre and afterwards once out of recovery. Now knowing that she’ll have to be alone has really put her on edge. It’s a private hospital with separate rooms for each patient so I really don’t see what the issue with me being there for longer is. I’m a HCP and we don’t bat en eyelid re: relatives at our hospital as long as they aren’t disrupting other patients or getting in the way of care.

AIBU to think that in this day and age this is an absurd policy? Surely this is not in the best interest of patients or their families, to be frank nor is this kind of service that I pay private health insurance for!

Full of? The public? Or patients allowed a family member or friend to accompany them prior to their procedure? I know your way sounds more dramatic though 😂

Oh and I had something else done recently also, they where totally relaxed and DH had to come down to the ward to pick me up. So I do think the spinal thing might be the reason.

Just to say, the day case unit I was on was a huge mix of surgeries - I was chatting to women in my waiting area who were mostly having breast cancer surgery - not mastectomies but large excision by the sounds of it, a few gallbladder removals, and people like me for hemorrhoidectomy.

It was very very busy - easily 50+ of us waiting to be called from 0715 and I was amongst the last to go down at 1130!

I wasn’t allowed anyone with me (spinal surgery, lap) and it said so on the paperwork I was given

they did ring my dad after the lap as he was meant to be collecting me at lunch time and I ended up being a full day in theatre so naturally he was pretty worried when I hadn’t called to be collected

Same. I had a d&c at a private hospital and my husband wasn't allowed in with me but as this poster explains, you are very well cared for in private hospitals and the wait is relaxing- it does feel quite like a hotel! Your dd will be fine

Jesus. I am 63 but if I when I went for surgery I was very glad to have my husband with me until I had to go down.

Anyone of any age can be apprehensive about major surgery and want a reassurance from a family member.

The MN obsession with kids being totally independent by 15 and you shouldn't offer any sign of concern or support once they turn 18 is bizarre to me.

Again - this completely varies by hospital. When I had my first, we were warned that if you gave birth after visiting hours had ended, your partner would only be allowed to stay a short while afterwards - say 30 mins or so. That blew my mind - I was trying to imagine it the other way round - meeting my child for the first time and then just driving home half an hour later like nothing had happened.

They were true to their word. I ended up having an emergency c-section and DH was sent home before I had even regained feeling in my legs and whilst the baby was being investigated for possible sepsis.

So to answer the OP - I think it can be a bit shitty but I'm not massively surprised to hear it.

My 19 year old had a spinal operation. I was encouraged to go up to the anaesthetic room and wait until the first lot of relaxing meds were given. He was a lot calmer with a familiar face there. Yes, 19/20 is adult. But it’s still nice to have a bit of reassurance from mum!

DD definitely wouldn’t have - very independent in every way except she really hates being alone whilst in hospital and gets quite panicky if I leave her. She had other spinal surgery a few years ago (paeds ward so I was with her 24/7) and I could barely escape for a coffee🙈

What a mean response. Most people want company before surgery.

Dd21 has just had major spinal surgery (Nhs) and i was strongly encouraged to accompany her right up to the anaesthetic.

Agreed. So bitchy.

My mum was in a private hospital for a hip operation earlier in the summer and visiting was completely open. We could have been there 24 hours a day if we wanted. That policy seems very odd.

I’m surprised that it’s not allowed with the seperate rooms, I’ve had three surgeries recently in a private hospital and dh was in the room the whole time and waited there while I had my operation and was there when I was wheeled in after.

That does seem a bit harsh, surely most people would want someone to keep them company if they are understandably nervous.

My goodness, what a stretch. I absolutely adore my children but I've seen so many instances of parents never cutting apron strings that it's possible my comment sounded extreme.

OP I had surgery for breast cancer just over a week ago, had really hoped DH could sit with me until I went down as I was so nervous but he had to leave me at reception. I was honestly absolutely fine; staff all checking in regularly, very reassuring with me too. I took a book and just sat reading for a while in between nurses, anaesthetist and surgeon all popping in and I was taken down in no time. The morning went very quickly. If she is anxious perhaps do ask again but it could maybe be a really useful experience for her to try this solo? She’ll be well looked after. Whatever tools she has to keep her calm (as I say mine is reading, maybe headphones and a podcast, whatever she likes?) chat through those with her beforehand?

As soon as I was (half) awake in recovery they called DH and he was in reception before I was wheeled back to the ward.

Good luck to her and I hope the surgery goes well!

Seems a cruel rule. I was allowed to wait 3 times in a private hospital room while dh was having spinal surgeries. One being an 8 hour operation, I was even in his intensive care room before he came out of recovery.

Why not?

It's not the case where I am. DH has been in hospital for 2 weeks and visiting hours are 9 am to 9 pm every day.

He had surgery in April and I stayed with him until he went to theatre. He is due to have more surgery soon and I anticipate being with him until he goes to theatre.

It’s pretty harsh to think you’d just tell them to buck up before major surgery to be honest!

It's because spinal surgery has high contamination risks so they are minimising any bugs that she is exposed to before the op. It's the right thing trust me. You don't want MRSA on top of spinal surgery

That’s so sad. I’m 55 and still offer a hand hold to friends going through traumatic things, let alone my children or young adults. It’s got nothing to do with apron strings, it’s basic compassion.

Prior to surgery though? I’m pretty sure they allow someone with you prior to it in NHS hospitals. To be honest, good luck to you after surgery in an NHS ward if you don’t have outside help with the basics, like reaching a glass of water.

At 16 you have medical autonomy.
My son had his jaw broken just before he turned 17 and we had limited access to him.
The staff were amazing and everything was fine. I hope your dd will be okay, if she needs you they will let you up.