Marriage/motherhood warning list

[Someoneshouldatoldme]

Based on many many threads here and my own lived experience, shouldn't we warn all daughters and women pre-marriage or motherhood so that they really know what they'regetting into? I'll list a few, feel free to add:

1. Don't have a child with ANYONE at all unless you know you can manage as a single parent

1. If your husband tells you they want a child and will look after them as well as you, assume they mean occasional fun times and some cooking. (If you're proven wrong, you'll be delighted)

1. Your husband might become your biggest problem once you are pregnant or with a child. Even the 'nicest' guys can (and many will) turn emotionally or physically abusive at this time. You might end up seriously hurt. Many will cheat.

1. Never assume his money is family money. He might pretend for years that it is, only for you to find out that it isnt.

Any others?

But in some cases, the children actively want to live with one parent for the majority of the time and don’t wish to have a remotely close relationship with the other. Often the preferred parent is the mother. Although in some cases, it’s very much the father that is preferred

@Aquickturn I'd be questioning why the "preference", N. Quite possibility coercion from one wounded party.

Possibly
or the children simply do feel happier and my comfortable with one parent over another

Don't give up your career, job, income, savings, pensions, status etc to become a SAHM - especially if you aren't married. Double especially if HE doesn't want to get married.

Because if he turns nasty / leaves / dies, you and your children will be incredibly vulnerable.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket - always have a plan B / escape route / support network / fund.

And don't have more children than you have hands.

(All advice from a friend - previously SAHM with 4, now an overwhelmed single mother).