Day out friends..they left to go to diff restaurant on their own

[TFICoffeetime]

Met up with close friends yesterday. We live opposite sides country. We picked scenic village, countryside & meal at a nice country inn.
We were 40 mins late (it's 2.5 hrs for us) 1 hour drive for us & got caught in traffic then stopped once to let DD go to the toilet & stretched dogs legs so she'd wee. All communicated with friends. We arrived, had lovely stroll, river swim and meal at nice country inn with great views. They had booked the meal...we thought lovely place. But when we got there they said they had to leave at 5.30 to go to another restaurant (just them and child). They are starters and went. They said they hadn't realised this place was a fave restaurant & was close to their home. (So why go today). So we were left. It felt v awkward & like punishment for being late maybe. It had been lovely day and ended on weird vibes.
We finished our meal on own then went to another beautiful inn for pudding. After this I feel perplexed. AIBU to think their actions rude & far ruder than been late. We weren't intentionally late & just how it goes with traffic & teenagers.
I don't understand why we couldn't enjoy the meal together as planned. They booked it on the day (it felt like because we were late). We avoided confrontation but left sour note. Our children were perplexed. Just odd & awkward. This friend doesn't like confrontation even if it's "we were a bit sad you changed to go elsewhere" so she wouldn't discuss if I did. But I'm left feeling am I wrong. I just can't see myself having issues if they had longer to drive and was late & I would not change plans on a meal that was meant to be spent together. Xxx

I agree with this. It looks like you are not going to get an explanation but going forward, I wouldn’t want to keep this friendship. I onow there is probably no choice as you said your friend was your DD’s godmother.

Because they are visiting a place they hadn’t been to and the OP said they moved location several times - went for a walk, river swim, changed village to go to an expensive restaurant, all within the space of a few hours, not even a whole day, so it sounds fairly action packed. I was wondering where they scheduled a change from wet clothes into clothes suitable for that type of restaurant where you would be required to make a certain level of effort. Also accommodating possibly wet hair etc.

We’re allowed to ask questions ffs.

but a question about a shower?

Can you be 100% certain they went to another restaurant? They may have said that's what they were doing but perhaps they just went home? Maybe saw prices and thought it's a bit expensive or realised they weren't very hungry so made up a little lie so they could leave. Did they say their starter was bad?

It's tricky to fully understand, especially with the timings being confusing. It sounds like they were due to see you for the afternoon and then wanted to see other friends in the evening; they tried to balance out both events by having starters with your family. I can see their logic in wanting to spend as much time as they could with both groups, but obviously it's backfired as you expected to see them for longer into the evening so you've now got upset. Personally I would have been surprised, but put it down as a communication issue. We have been known to buy a starter instead of a main and think that isn't too unusual, so the only awkward behaviour from them is that they left early from the meal. They had spent hours with you already so ideally they should have just said no to dinner or said they would just have a drink at the pub with you before leaving, it was trying to cram in an extra bit of time with you that created all the problems from your side. There is a risk of having a fall-out if you keep going on about it, but that's your choice.

I think OP I’d let the other family contact you in future. They have behaved very oddly and I’d be upset if I were you.
I wouldn’t write them off but I wouldn’t be chasing them now.
I wonder if they have behaved oddly before with you or anyone else.

Peoples replies to this thread is what’s confusing, not the OP. @TFICoffeetime could you messag them ask them why they left early? Were they awkward the whole day or just at the restaurant?

My queries ..
At the time, why did you not ask whether all of you should not just move to the new restaurant? That would have been an obvious thing to do.
Now that you are home, why haven't you just phoned your friend and discussed how uncomfortable and guilty you felt when they left at short notice to eat at another restaurant?

There might not be any problem.
You'll have to speak together to find out.

Aim to be half an hour early the next time you meet.

@TFICoffeetime you've been posting overnight - I hope you're ok and the situation and the nasty replies on this thread haven't stopped you sleeping 🙁

There literally about 2-3 threads every month on how bad it’s become.

My take on this is that the new restaurant was closer to the friend and family’s place of residence, so would have required OP and her family to have an even longer drive home than the already 2.5hrs. Not to mention that it doesn’t sound like they were made to feel welcome to, or an invite extended. I think I would have been pretty dumbfounded in the OP’s position also.

I'm glad you messaged her asking if all was okay as she left early. Hopefully you'll get an answer one way or another. I too would be upset by this, as it is rude to get up part way through an organised meal and leave.

If there was no explanation from them why they left how do you know it wasn't due to all the reasons you've listed? I hope you find out

What do you gain from posting something so nasty? There's an actual person behind their screen reading this. Isn't the world shitty enough without deliberately making it worse for someone? Shame on you.

Can't imagine messing about going to different places to eat after a long afternoon with dc, dogs and a long drive home ahead of me!

The only thing I can think of is in the car they realised they had double booked, had a starter out of manners, then pushed off to the other resturant. Maybe meeting yet another old friend perhaps.

Didn't you think to join them for pudding?! :)

Totally agree, @AlpacaMittens if you’d really read the whole thread you would have seen that the OP is dyslexic and has asked people for kind rational chat.

I think if you told me you were running late I’d be fine with that but if you told me you were running late but had stopped for 20 minutes for a loo break I’d be annoyed because that should have been factored in to your timings. I’d rather not be told you’d had the 20 minute stop.

However I don’t think the leaving early was to do with your lateness, I think either they were having some relationship troubles and just wanted to leave so they didn’t have to keep up the pretence or something happened that you’re not aware of that offended them.

I think now that it’s clear they won’t give you a reason for their behaviour you can either just back away from the friendship or be far more direct in order to get a response.

’We were all really taken aback and upset that you left the planned meal so early when we were all still eating. Why on earth did you do that? Or call her.

I think it’s interesting that you have now revealed the restaurant was in a different town. So you all separated to get back in to individual cars to go to the restaurant? Leaving them alone for a while after being together with you for most of the day. It must have been at this point they plotted the early leave as they didn’t mention it before?

So I still don’t think there was another restaurant (too last minute to get a booking) and they would have told you earlier if this was the plan all day. Something happened in the car..an argument maybe.

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And I do think it is intentional when you stop to take the dog for a walk and a wee! Unintentional is traffic.

Fair point, the whole situation is just so odd. Like why didnt thrg mention thrybwere staying only for starters. At what point did they decide this was the plan and if it was before the OP got there then surely they would have mentioned it when they got there 'oh we didnt think you would make it so we booked another restaurant for later, hope you dont mond but we wont stay for dinner as need to get back'.
Its just really wierd and I was clutching at straws tbh