Not being able to go and being alone over christmas

[Summersalmostover]

So before I begin I would like to say I have been left out before when it comes to holidays and days out with family etc.

I am a single parent with 1 child who is a tween. Today I saw my sibling and they mentioned about going away over Christmas and our DM said to let me know. Sibling said it was all inclusive for a week in an area. I got no say in board or location. Sibling said that they had found holiday for around 700 per person all inclusive.
I told Sibling there was no way I could afford that in 3/4 months. Usually I've had to pay a holiday off 1 year or more in advance. Sibling mentions a child free place but I said you need to adults to get the deal and so I wouldn't get it.
Im a single salaried person who still has all the same costs as a double adult family like Sibling and our parents are well off so doesnt matter to them the price.
Also I cant just go any dates due to child going with father over Christmas. Child father would not allow it and we are court ordered. Which family havent thought about.
Now I know its not their fault im a single parent or that there is court ordered child arrangements.
However there seems to be no flexibility for board, area or dates that could make it possible for us to come along. Even if I did it for 4/5 nights.
So it looks like I will be spending Christmas on my own this year with just my child and then alone boxing day.

Aibu to feel upset about it. I know that regardless me being alone family wont think about it and will still going ahead with what they want and not being inclusive of me and my child.

@Summersalmostover don't wait for an invite. Be the host invite people over who aren't going off to relatives. Doesn't have to be a sit down. Guests bring a dish a drink. You prep on Xmas eve. It doesn't have to be turkey, buffet meats, salads, etc. trifle, etc. share the joy my friend did this for many years. Open house in the morning, folk dropping in on the way to family. Then she'd lay out the buffet and folk got stuck in.

Be a leader, start a trend.

Pretty much my thoughts. The selfishness thing cuts both ways IMO; if it's selfish of the family to go away without the OP then it's also selfish of the OP to expect everybody else to fit in with her restrictive timetable year in year out. So it's honours even on the selfishness front and the Rolling Stones had it right with You Can't Always Get What You Want.

It's all well and good people saying that the OP is hard done by because 'Christmas is all about family', but as you get older, get married, have kids, and so do your siblings, it becomes impossible to just have it being the nuclear unit from your youth anyway. Which is why every fucking year there are negotiations about where we'll be for Christmas that make solving the Israel/Palestine conflict look a doddle. After the usual dashing about on the 25th (when the OP is not actually alone), I'd happily shut myself alone in a remote Siberian shack for Boxing Day.

Thanks but I don't have anyone to invite. No one is in a similar position and all have their own families or go to different cities to spend time with parents. One friend will have a new born so thats a no. I don't had a huge circle of friends so there is no one else I can ask.

It sounds like you are very reliant on your parents to provide a social life for you at Christmas, which is a lot of pressure on them. I can see why they'd like to get away.

I would invite the friend with a newborn round for dinner but not on Xmas day-choose a different day. Same for your friends who see family and visit different cities-invite them over on a different day. I would look at volunteering with your son-get out there, meet some new people, help others out.

Hi OP, I'm sorry you are feeling let down by family. I am an only child so can't speak from experience in that regard, but can from the point if view if your DS.

Growing up it was always just me and my DM on Christmas day around that age, my dad was never involved and she has a difficult relationship with her siblings who also lived quite far away so we never spent it with them.

As a child, I just remember having a wonderful time at Christmas, I loved the build up, the excitement, and I never bothered at all that it was just us two on the day. We took our time opening gifts, I helped prepare the dinner and we played games and with my new toys in the evening.

Definitely go on the Christmas threads, I'm sure there will be lots of advice on how to make the day and the run up to it special. Then think what you can do for yourself on boxing day, whether thats a totally chilled day at home eating what you want and watching whatever you want on tv. Or planning a day out or meeting up with friends if anyone you know might be free, even for a few hours.

In regards to your family, it sounds like there is a lot of back story there. Unfortunately the saying is true, you can't change others, only how you respond to them. I would try and focus on the positives, that you have DC with you and how to have the vmbest time possible.

Even so, there’s no reason why they should pay for you to come along, even if your arrangements allowed it.
It strikes me as pretty wild that you’d think it was their responsibility to plan Christmas based on your circumstances, since it’s not as though you are a sick child, but an adult.
You have no way (either financially or operationally) to go anyway, so framing the thing as an example of typical mistreatment is totally unwarranted and what’s more, you ought not to be throwing that stuff on your child.
Can you not see what message they can very easily take from your complaining? You are implying that being alone with them is very much not what you want.

I’m really not trying to bash you, honestly.
But I think you must concentrate on what you do have and show the child it’s all a good thing. This really is a time for you to resolve to accentuate the positive.
(As for a solo Boxing Day, just remind yourself about all those who’ll be wishing they had your luck!)
It’d also be a good policy not to make the others feel accused, let alone guilty, for excitement about their forthcoming trip. This is not about you.

Just changed my vote to do YANBU after seeing you do usually spend Christmas with them - fair enough if they want to go away, but it feels mean that they didn't at least have a conversation with you about it before booking. Was it a last minute decision, or do you think they've been planning it a while?

Absolutely right, and beautifully put (compared to my comparatively wintry blast).
A positive, generous, and warmhearted attitude will carry OP through.

Actually that is not what the OP said. There is no reason to assume they had booked it without telling her. OP said "Today I saw my sibling and they mentioned about going away over Christmas and our DM said to let me know. Sibling said it was all inclusive for a week in an area. I got no say in board or location. Sibling said that they had found holiday for around 700 per person all inclusive." From that I read it as sibling and parents had a discussion and seen something they like and parents asked sibling to tell the OP. No indication that they had booked it. More like "we found this place, would you like to also come?", and OP said they couldn't because XYZ. I think the conversation was before they booked, and OP's "no" was the reason for booking without them. Regardless of the date, people don't have to refrain from booking a holiday they want because another family member or friend can't afford it or can't make the dates. Why would you decide to miss out on what you want for once - go at dates that don't suit everyone else or sepnd less on a place that you don't actually want?

And setting aside everything else, speaking as someone who (a) ADORES Christmas without other people and (b) is actually a Christian and therefore does celebrate Christmas, I find it really odd how many people who invest absolutely no meaning in either Christianity or Christmas get so het up about what is, in their book, just another day in the "great Sky Fairy myth". OP is presumably alone on lots of days, not just 26th December. What they make of that time is up to them. It is just another day.

I know what you're saying and this would be lovely but a dont have a big circle of close friends and the ones I do I know are busy going to other county's or as I mentioned family and new born baby.
Being ND myself and having previous abusive relationships/friendships has meant that I just have a small circle.

Thank you for giving your perspective as an only child. I think i hold guilt sometimes that he is an only but he does seem happy when it is me and him and your story has made me feel better about it.

Ive actually looked at air bnbs for 2 nights. Xmas eve and Xmas day. Actually the prices are very reasonable and obviously so much cheaper that a roughly £1500 holiday!
I think because this is against the norm and I've never done it alone it feels scary and I hate the feeling of loneliness.
Id be alone Xmas eve and Xmas morning but I guess I could busy myself with preparing the Christmas lunch and like others have said getting some nice food/bits for myself.
I just want to give DC a lovely day really

I would never let DC know how I felt. I know that wouldn't be fair and as you said what it would imply. I do love spending time just me and DC, I think its just the first time and just a bit scary

For us, Christmas is never about one day but the whole season. The day itself is quite often just a roast dinner with presents!

But we love the time of year, we try and plan a few activities throughout the month, they don't have to be expensive but just to make the most of the days you have with DC. It sounds like contact is pretty strict but you can make sure the days he is with you during December you have fun things planned. When mine were younger we would go to panto, go to the local national trust to meet father Christmas, do christmassy arts and crafts. Or even just a walk around the area looking at everyone's decorations. I hope whatever you do you have a lovely time.