To ask if I should get revenge anonymously?

[ClatterHatters]

I posted on this site some months ago about some awful bullying that happened to me in secondary school. I’m glad I did because everyone was so supportive. 😊

One poster suggested I somehow get revenge on them anonymously. This is something I myself had thought about before I even posted on MN so this poster was hardly making a brand new suggestion to me as such.

However, whenever I’ve thought about getting revenge - in this day and age with everything so traceable etc - even an online anonymous message can to some extent be traceable - and CCTV everywhere etc. To be honest I’d have the hassle of constant worry that I was going to be caught if I instigated a vengeful act.

Also if I’m being honest - if I ever got found out it could look like I didn’t have a happy or successful life now if I was trying to get my own back with regard to a traumatic incident that happened to me decades ago.

AIBU to ask what others think ?

Have you got anything nice planned for this week-end OP?

I can see why you'd want to get revenge, but I believe that you'd feel guilty if you did.

I'd leave it. But have you considered contacting your bullies and telling them what their actions did to you? So not revenge, but a discussion.

Starting a new diet and exercise plan and starting to clear out my house

Thank you. Yes I’d feel guilty.

No I haven’t considered contacting them directly for a discussion - I feel if anything this would play more into their hands

if I ever got found out it could look like I didn’t have a happy or successful life now

do you have that now? If you do I’d forget the bullies and concentrate on what’s important. Even if you don’t have that put your efforts into getting it. The bullying is never nice and not always easily forgotten but whilst your sat contemplating revenge they are still winning, they’re probably getting on and enjoying their lives whilst your sat stewing over this. Try forget and move on for your own peace of mind

Honestly OP, the best revenge you can get is not giving them any more head space. You are still letting them win with all the "revenge" business. WHy eep giving them control? Let it go and live

Yes thank you and I agree with you

Thank you. I needed to hear this

I don't seek revenge as much as I would like to.
Not due to guilt as I know I wouldn't feel any but because of how it could impact me.

Completely agree with @missmollygreen

You sound as if you're not happy with things, which is leading you to dwell on a past cause of unhappiness. Let it go and move on with your life.

I feel the same

Yes there’s a lot of truth in this

I wouldn’t go down this road. It won’t make you feel good and will make you focus too much on the past. Your weekend plans sound like a really positive way of making you feel in a good place. If you find that the past still plays on your mind, talking it through with a therapist would be a much more positive way of dealing with it.

Good luck, OP, hope you have a peaceful and restorative weekend

No as it would become bigger in your own head and give it yet more space

i would however tell anyone who knows them now how awful they were - is that revenge? Perhaps

Thank you ❤️

Yes I do think it would give these thoughts more space

@ClatterHatters I completely cut my two bullies out of my life. They were family members and I blocked them.

I no longer think about them. One had a huge bereavement eighteen months ago, and I didn't contact her. I think she thought I'd be in touch, but why would I? She'd caused me appalling suffering for several years.

And now, I never think about my bullies. I have a very happy and full life.

I really recommend you read or listen to this book, OP:
https://amzn.eu/d/fWWz5aT
I'm sorry you had such a terrible time with the bullying and that it's still affecting you 💐 I found this really good for a change of mindset and felt much happier for it.

When I have managed to get revenge it has made me feel MUCH better than any therapy could but I appreciate not everyone is the same

The fact that you want revenge is taking up a lot of your time and energy. You need to find a better way to release your anger. Have you tried smashing a few old plates? It’s remarkably therapeutic! Then move on and focus on your own life.

That sounds like dull and routine chores rather than something nice planned for the week-end.

Why don't you forget about your bully and focus on your current friends, the ones who have been there for you. Message them and make plans for a night out tonight or even coffee tomorrow morning.

The previous poster (in your last post) gave you terrible advice.

Actually, that's true.

You can never smash up too many plates.
The one time I did it, I felt amazing afterwards.

I understand your feelings op, but it’s definitely best left alone.

Surely, that would make you just as bad.