To ask if I should get revenge anonymously?

[ClatterHatters]

I posted on this site some months ago about some awful bullying that happened to me in secondary school. I’m glad I did because everyone was so supportive. 😊

One poster suggested I somehow get revenge on them anonymously. This is something I myself had thought about before I even posted on MN so this poster was hardly making a brand new suggestion to me as such.

However, whenever I’ve thought about getting revenge - in this day and age with everything so traceable etc - even an online anonymous message can to some extent be traceable - and CCTV everywhere etc. To be honest I’d have the hassle of constant worry that I was going to be caught if I instigated a vengeful act.

Also if I’m being honest - if I ever got found out it could look like I didn’t have a happy or successful life now if I was trying to get my own back with regard to a traumatic incident that happened to me decades ago.

AIBU to ask what others think ?

Ag thanks for the link ❤️

Don’t stoop to their levels.
If it is playing on your mind and you do seek some closure, maybe a discussion with them or a letter from the heart to explain your feelings around this and the effect it’s had?

Even though I’d previously had this thought myself - I agree

The best thing you can do is evict them from your thoughts. Don't let them live rent free in your head. To seek revenge is to lower yourself to their level, and you're better than that OP.

I think you will benefit from professional help. Yes what they did was horrible but you have to move on and mumsnet isnt the place that can heal you

I think that risks the bullies bullying you more if you give them an avenue of communication, or they may tell you to fuck off or say ‘So what, don’t care’.

What is it they say? Living well is the best revenge. Look good, feel good, move on from the awful time in your life. Clear their horribleness from your life.

Yes I totally agree with everything you say here

Happy people don't go seeking revenge. People seeking revenge, especially so far on from the incident, will not come across well to others and I doubt they would actually feel any better themselves.
Work on yourself and moving past this. The majority of us have experienced poor treatment from others but we move on and live a full and happy life.

thank you and I agree

That thought has crept up on me a few times with my bully. But I don’t think I would have satisfaction from the revenge as that will always be that last thing I remember where I was the mean one. I would rather not.

Take comfort in the fact that you were the kind person, the tolerant one who suffered. With suffering comes compassion and it makes you someone far better.

Move on and if you ever find the opportunity to help/support someone else being bullied (as I did) that would be the most satisfying act.

Have you had therapy for the bullying, OP? Maybe focus your energy on letting go and living your best life?

No I haven’t had therapy

Depends whether the revenge is legal or not. I reported a bully to HMRC anonymously once but I had knowledge that they might have been avoiding paying their tax. HMRC came after them, they were tied up in knots for a couple of years and still ended up with a £15k bill.

failing that, you could always send them a glitter bomb in the post. There was a post on here about it a while ago and I thought, I’ll keep that in mind in case I ever need it.

I can see why you feel like this OP. I was bullied relentlessly through my childhood and lived with similar thoughts way into my twenties. You have my sympathy.
Please look into getting some therapy to deal with the past trauma and address the ongoing impact it’s having on your mental health - the absolute best revenge you could get would be to live a happy life with no feelings of shame or anger over the past. You can’t change how they acted towards you or how it’s made you feel up to now, but the onus is on you to take control of how you feel going forwards.

"One poster suggested I somehow get revenge on them anonymously."

Of all the advice you got that's the one lunatic you chose to listen to?

Success is the best revenge (however you wish to define success!) - living the life you want is the best revenge, being at peace and finding your own happiness...channel that energy in finding your own 'rich' whether that's in your career, lifestyle, relationships etc.

I wanted to get revenge on an abusive ex...and now happily married with 2 gorgeous babies, being a mum and wife that I've always dreamed of... that's my revenge!!

I’m a firm believer that karma will get them, if it hasn’t done so already.

I read a Fesshole that said they leave terrible anonymous reviews oh their bullies work place

Something you could look into doing? It will help deal with the trauma and help you move forward, instead of being stuck.

I wasn’t bullied relentlessly but I was bullied by my boss as a young adult starting out in my career. Therapy helped. A lot.

I met my boss at Tesco a few years later, all smiles. I just looked at her from head to toe and back to head, didn’t say anything and walked away. It felt very good to not give her any space in my life.

Every few months myself and some school friends meet for lunch. We left school 50 years ago ( we are 66) our last lunch was to celebrate us all becoming pensioners.. unbeknown to myself and another close friend one of them invited another old school friend... she befriended on FB.. this " friend" was a bully at school to me and my friend ... going into our bags and taking out our tampax and throwing it around the class room... sitting behind my friend and cutting bits out of her hair...walking past us in the canteen and pouring water onto our plates of food...

When she walked into the pub where we were meeting for lunch...she was loud and made herself known... ( she was very skinny) and first thing she said was.. " l was so scared to meet you all in case l was the fattest here.". She ordered a salad.. pushed it around her plate.. but drank nearly 3 bottles of wine to herself... and from what she said.. it was clear she had become an alcoholic...her husband had left her because of it and her kids had nothing to do with her..
Clearly she had a very sad life... even if we did tell her what we thought of her .. doubt she would remember... we were just glad we have such great and happy lives.

The best revenge in anyone is to be happy abd lead a good life.

Forget your schooldays, and make your adult life as good as possible.

I am now at the age where people from school are dying including some of those who bullied me. It is sufficient for me that I am alive and they are not.

Write a bedt selling book about it in which they recognise themselves

Don’t do that, because you’ll just end up feeling bad and worrying yourself sick about being caught. Remember, living well is the best revenge ❤️

The best revenge is a life well lived as the saying goes.