to be getting a bit pissed off about people saying how sad it is to rely on MN for support?

[Flamesparrow]

Tis a genuine query, not expecting everyone to back me up

I have seen a few times in the various suicide discussing threads how "sad" people find it that there are real bonds formed on MN.

I have no idea if they mean in a worrying weeping way or the way of that's so sad from when I was a teen.

Some people find rl relationships easy. Fabulous, turn to those people for support.

Some people however don't. Being around other people and talking about real feelings is, quite frankly, f*cking terrifying to some people.

I do have a rl and rl friends, but the bonds I have made with "strangers" online are much stronger than many of my rl friendships. One poster in particular I have "known" for nearly 5 years, we have never met, and yet if she was alone and in trouble, I would take out a loan to get to her.

Life has evolved. We no longer live in a society with extended families and a community feel. Most of us live little insular lives with very little in the way of that village style support system. With that evolution has come the world of online communities.

There is nothing sad about having friends you don't physically "know". Yes, people could be lying to you about who/what they are, but you know what, people lie in rl too.

I guess my point is, to those who log on for a bit of distanced chat, that is fine, it is your life and you want the physical relationships, but just because others are doing life a different way to you, it doesn't make it sad.

I logged on for distanced chat - and have ended up with 2 fabulous RL friends as a result!!! One who I often pop round and have coffee with, the other I'm going on holiday with, along with her DS, in the summer holidays

I don't think it's sad
but I also think some people take it too serously
sometimes it's better to go out there and make an effort with RL people and I think some people on here use this site as an excuse not to go out and socilaise
it becomes worrying if you think if one day Mumsnet was no longer here and you don't know how you would cope because you have no one else to turn too in a crisis

Great post Flamesparrow. I couldn't agree more. I think some of the recent posts have been crass and insensitive to say the least.

If people need support, and MN can provide it when RL can't, then that's fantastic.

Message withdrawn

As the saying goes "it takes all sorts"!!

I dont think there is anything wrong with having online friends or reaching out for help from strangers. A lot of good advice can be gained from the threads on here.

It is sad in the sense that some people do not have a support network in realife. RL friends are the best imo (well mine are anyway) and can not be replaced by a bunch of women on the internet - no matter how well meaning they are.

I think MN is FAB when we all really round to offer help, love and support but I would like to think the people in question have a support network around them in RL first. MN should always come second.

HOW do you get on and make an effort with rl people when you are very very shy.

I am lucky, I would survive if MN went down - I have a few "core" friends, and they have come to me rather than me to them. Left to my own devices I would be alone because I lose the ability to speak

i met urban and squonk online and they have both been more support than rl friends. All the ladies that have supported me when i left dh to go into a refuge and if it was not for all there people i would either still be there or if not there my ds and i would have nothing

Interesting. In some way, I suppose it could be viewed as 'sad' that RL has become so isolating for some people that they have to turn to the internet for support.

IME, I have met some people on here who have been of tremendous support. In situations where your problem is not a common one, a large internet community is of great advantage.

I have been able to talk things through with someone on here (via email) about things I would never be able to talk about in RL and it has been wonderful. I have 'exposed' myself emotionally to people in RL before and been very hurt. Talking to a relative stranger has real advantages.

Does it diminish RL relationships? Not IME.

I do find it very sad that rl has become so insular/segregated/i dunno the word I want I want supportive rl communities back, not "funny" texts about immigrants etc.

Cod, you seem really negative about people using MN for support, which I find surprising considering how much you use it.

MN can be a pathway to making RL friends though? obviously a PITA if they end up being at completely the wrong end of the country, but even so, where there's a will there's a way.

also - sometimes an issue can be relatively obscure - say health related or SN - so a board like this is an easy way to find the right people to swap info with.

FLame- these things bug me,too. I write a conversational email to my some of my friends and nine times out of ten I get some crappy forwarded nonsense about 'being a friend'. In the same way as many people seem to shy away from anything that could be viewed as having depth, or heaven forfend intellectual, friendship has become for some nothing more than some internet chainletter which seems more about showing how many people you have in your address book than real friendship. What a rant! Sorry.

I agree with you flame. The help i have been given through my dh cancer from triplets, triflenorks/conniedom and other lovely messages on my thread has helped me so much these last few weeks.

Yes, i have tremendous RL support and am very lucky but if i didnt these would have been even more of a life line.

A lot of us are sad, on here and in RL - but not in the way it is meant by sarky remarks.

Good thread

I have missed all the suicide threads so am coming from a different perspective.

I don't think it is sad to rely on the internet for support. I have asked Qs which I am either too embarrassed to ask in RL or which no one I know in RL would know the answer to.

There is also a great community here and people have really pulled together to support people in need. Whilst RL support is essential, some degree of reliance on t'internet is fine, IMO.

Sorry about your DH, UC.

Many people check in daily to see how OJ is doing and I, along with many, many others, would gladly do whatever I could to help in person if I were nearer. As I am not, the best I can offer is support and friendship (of a sort)which I hope helps her a little.

Thank you chutneymary - love the name

The fact that people care enough to check in and post helps me and am sure - even tho OJs situation is so much much harder than mine - she must feel that too. What some must forget who say it's "sad" to form bonds is that we are not computer generated people with auto responses - we are REAL and even if not face to face communicating we can feel and get strength from someone that we may never meet.

What's wrong or "sad" with that??

and folds arms like Les Dawson!!

MN can put you in touch with people who you wouldn't come across in real life and who have experiences that are relevant to your own. It is complementary to RL.

I think it is sad that people have to rely on a website for support, but only in that it's sad they have often don;t have RL support network

I love MN because I can come here and moan about DP and be told IABU

I am quite distant on MN and don't have online friends but I don't find others that want this sad in either sense of the word. I find it difficult enough keeping up with RL friends without having a bunch of cyber friends too!

Saying that though, I know that if any member whether lurker, regular poster, 'friend' of the masses etc... had a major problem, they would be helped on MN regardless.

I do rely on MN to provide me with people to chat with.

It makes me sad though to realise that without MN, i'd probably go days without talking to another adult sometimes.

I've met some really lovely people on mn, who i'd have become rl friends with if i'd met them in rl i'm sure. I don't think it's sad to be grateful for support from people you genuinely like.

Just spent a few days in a Polish hospital when my trip to Krakow went very wrong and my 3 year old got pneumonia. No bed or food provided for parents and had to sleep on a plastic chair. Was mnetter friends who totally cheered me up and were the most supportive and kind.

MN takes away the distance factor.

Many friendships are formed because people are close by, doing the same job, same schools etc, on MN friendships can evolve because you think the same, which is great.

I think the anonymity of the internet as a whole can help people who have problems they are hiding from in RL, but I do think it would be hard to have all your support from this source, if it's an extra to RL fair enough, but we all need more than just words on a screen at times.

Don't think that quite applies if you physically gain a friend from MN rather than just type on here though iyswim.

I agree there are many reasons why this online community is an invaluable support.

Years ago when I was in an abusive relationship I would have "seen the light" much sooner had MN been available. Sometimes people don't want to discuss their relationship problems with people who know their partner - it can feel disloyal. Sometimes one can feel one is overburdening friends too.

Some people live in isolated locations too far away to have physical visits from friends. I was diagnosed with cancer 7 months ago - the week I joined my husband in Bermuda. I had to have a major operation and chemotherapy without a friend within thousands of miles. I have had tremendous support from MN during that time, thankfully I am now well enough to get out and make some friends in person. I don't consider it sad that I had support from MN - I consider it quite the opposite - it has been a lifeline.

I also get cross at the notion that internet friends are not real if you haven't met them. Of course all of us are real, flesh and blood people - surely people are intelligent enough to accept that?