to be getting a bit pissed off about people saying how sad it is to rely on MN for support?

[Flamesparrow]

Tis a genuine query, not expecting everyone to back me up

I have seen a few times in the various suicide discussing threads how "sad" people find it that there are real bonds formed on MN.

I have no idea if they mean in a worrying weeping way or the way of that's so sad from when I was a teen.

Some people find rl relationships easy. Fabulous, turn to those people for support.

Some people however don't. Being around other people and talking about real feelings is, quite frankly, f*cking terrifying to some people.

I do have a rl and rl friends, but the bonds I have made with "strangers" online are much stronger than many of my rl friendships. One poster in particular I have "known" for nearly 5 years, we have never met, and yet if she was alone and in trouble, I would take out a loan to get to her.

Life has evolved. We no longer live in a society with extended families and a community feel. Most of us live little insular lives with very little in the way of that village style support system. With that evolution has come the world of online communities.

There is nothing sad about having friends you don't physically "know". Yes, people could be lying to you about who/what they are, but you know what, people lie in rl too.

I guess my point is, to those who log on for a bit of distanced chat, that is fine, it is your life and you want the physical relationships, but just because others are doing life a different way to you, it doesn't make it sad.

At midnight when you are having a hormonal crisis mumsnet is FANTASTIC. And although I do have mates who would answer the phone and listen to me sniffling, MN is, for me, better.
Theraputic typing it all out etc etc.

no yanbu; half of the threads on mn are about people having problems of one sort or another. do you start to ban them all? can we only talk about shoes and whats for dinner? the reason they are posting on mn is probably because they haven't got anyone else they think they can talk to.

I find it very hard to make friends, and by dint of moving round the country a lot for our jobs, working ft in an odd business, and having a toddler, I have no opportunity to make any at the moment.

I went through 3 miscarriages in 2 years - none of my friends had been through any sort of loss, and shyed away from talking about it. Forums allowed me to talk about my losses, discuss how anxious I felt about each subsequent pg, and got me through the bad patches.

For those of us who are naturally introverted, and like to have thinking time before we 'speak', typing is much more natural. Of course I'd like to have some rl friends who I could pop round to, have a coffee, and discuss the rights and wrongs of tankinis, but thats just not possible right now, so Mumsnet keeps me sane.

I think it is sad if people do not have other support, but I don;t mean that in a negative sneering way.

Somtimes though it is easier to share things with strangers. I know when I had my meltdown earlier in the year very few people in my rl knew as I just wanted to keep it private. On reflection it is sad that I am that desperate to keep a good show going that I did not let real life friends help me but that is just how I am. I know dp alsi got some support on here but he again did not know where else to go and perhaps felt safer discsing things with people he did not know. It is sad though that as a family unit we had to go through that, and again I don;t mean that in a sneery way.

It also worries me that people are not seeking professional help when they clearly need it. I worry that if I had been on mumsnet when I was in the depths of PND that I might have spent time on here rather than seeking real help and things could have got even worse.

flamesparrow, excellent opening post

totally agree

I'm going through a really tough time at the moment but I haven't felt able to talk to anyone in RL. It's very personal and can be embarrassing to admit your life is rubbish.
And I'd hate my friends feeling sorry for me or talking about me or every time I see them they ask ar you ok, what's happening.

But I can post on MN and get advice and get it all off my chest.

Also I've found that many people are or have been in the same boat and it's hugely comforting.
If it weren't for MN I'd be alone.

I'm pretty good at friendship.

I've also had a lot of support from MN: and indeed from MNers whom I've got to know through MN.

And I've found that MN has made me more open and direct in my RL friendships.

some of us are lucky enough to have people to turn to in R/L for others for one reason or another its not so easy.Mn I feel is a lifeline for some and makes them feel not so isolated and alone,which can only be for the good.Its also good for different problems to get an unbiased view of things.One of my R/L friends has a few problems and i advised her to come on here purely for that reason ,an unbiased view as i was too close to her problems and felt i was biased.Mn has helped her enormously.

I can be very narrow minded and I've learned to see a different POV on a lot of issues from different posters on MN

Another point is that if someone has gotten into a relationship with a very controliing partner, often the way the partner gains control is by isolating the person, "disapproving" of their friends and family, cutting them off from real life friends, then eroding their self-esteem so they lose sight of what is "normal". I notice that a lot of women on MN who are in emotionally or physically abusive relationships feel able to post anonymously about their problems on MN and often MN is what gives them that "reality check" to realise that the way they are being treated is NOT ok and that they need to get out.

i agree with everything you said chipmonkey,That is the situation with my friend.