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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

H told me “why don’t you go k!ll yourself” in an argument

114 replies

BloodyHellKenn · 29/08/2025 15:06

Trigger warning. I’m now separated from exh (very recently) and we’ve been “dissecting” our marriage. One thing crops up (among many many others) is a couple of times in arguments he would storm off and tell me “Why don’t you just k&ll yourself?!” or “Just go play in traffic” or “Go jump off a roof” I left him and he’s very angry and bitter. He doesn’t see the seriousness of the kind of things he used to say to me.

So last night we talked again on the phone and he brought up how I couldn’t be trusted (as I left him) and how he can barely look at me or forgive me. I brought up what he used to say to me and he said “Well obviously you would never have actually done it”

I don’t think he realises how serious it was what he was saying. Or is it the sign of an emotionally immature, childish man? He also said how I never showed him any affection and how attention starved he was, it’s obvious I never loved him he says.

But now my family has been torn apart and I’m the bad guy 😢

Just seeking advice on this - on what he used to say to me?

He wasn’t all terrible and worked hard, loved our children, could also shower me with affection and praise.

OP posts:
BloodyHellKenn · 29/08/2025 21:10

Abatingnow · 29/08/2025 21:06

DS won’t have me there when ex is working either as he says “it’s not your house!”

Would your ex be ok with you in the house whilst he’s at work?

He’s said he would be, not all the time but occasionally. It’s early days and we are working out all logistics for shared custody, it’s complex.

OP posts:
BloodyHellKenn · 29/08/2025 21:12

Abatingnow · 29/08/2025 21:03

* I changed the goal posts with him staying over and handled it badly/losing his trust*

how so?

I initially said that we would discuss him staying over in a couple of weeks which he accepted, then I panicked as family members were saying I was going to lose him, I then brought up him staying over much sooner with pressure which lost his trust (he’s on the spectrum too)

OP posts:
Abatingnow · 29/08/2025 21:13

What pressure did you put on him? If you are genuinely honest

BloodyHellKenn · 29/08/2025 21:23

Abatingnow · 29/08/2025 21:13

What pressure did you put on him? If you are genuinely honest

I just gave him the option - pick one out of three nights (Friday, Saturday or Sunday) pick what he would have for tea and what film we would watch. I did say that he does need to start staying over and that I’m his Mum and need to see him too etc. I’ve since apologised to him and told him I was wrong to pressure him.

OP posts:
Abatingnow · 29/08/2025 21:27

BloodyHellKenn · 29/08/2025 21:23

I just gave him the option - pick one out of three nights (Friday, Saturday or Sunday) pick what he would have for tea and what film we would watch. I did say that he does need to start staying over and that I’m his Mum and need to see him too etc. I’ve since apologised to him and told him I was wrong to pressure him.

Yes that was a too much given only 6 weeks and he’s ND

Just bide your time

BloodyHellKenn · 29/08/2025 21:34

Abatingnow · 29/08/2025 21:27

Yes that was a too much given only 6 weeks and he’s ND

Just bide your time

Actually just worked out it’s only been 5 weeks. Yes I will bide my time.

OP posts:
Starlight7080 · 29/08/2025 21:52

Haven't you posted before about your ex? And he was sleeping in the same bed as your teen and they spent alot of time just them two.
And he wasn't very interested in your younger child?

Abatingnow · 30/08/2025 06:16

Starlight7080 · 29/08/2025 21:52

Haven't you posted before about your ex? And he was sleeping in the same bed as your teen and they spent alot of time just them two.
And he wasn't very interested in your younger child?

Yes starting to ring a bell

and the Op mentioned the father continually sending her photos of her son in her panamas, which I thought was a very odd detail but now makes sense

wombat1a · 30/08/2025 06:33

Why the heck are you dissecting this with him, STOP TALKING to him. Only communicate about
a) how to hand over children
b) divorce paperwork (if needed)
other than that do not communicate.

BountifulPantry · 30/08/2025 08:49

OP can I ask- are you having any therapy? You could find it useful.

BloodyHellKenn · 30/08/2025 09:29

BountifulPantry · 30/08/2025 08:49

OP can I ask- are you having any therapy? You could find it useful.

I have had one session so far so hopefully I will find it useful.

OP posts:
Abatingnow · 30/08/2025 09:44

Given all your other threads, I bloody hope your children are in therapy too

Easyyoke · 30/08/2025 09:58

Abatingnow · 30/08/2025 09:44

Given all your other threads, I bloody hope your children are in therapy too

I see what you’re doing🤨
leave the OP alone and stop digging for information you can twist to stick the boot in.

Abatingnow · 30/08/2025 09:59

Easyyoke · 30/08/2025 09:58

I see what you’re doing🤨
leave the OP alone and stop digging for information you can twist to stick the boot in.

I’m not digging

I have read the other threads! So no need to dig

but I don’t think the op will deny that the children would benefit from therapy too

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