AIBU to feel convinced that most people view crying, even if it's an appropriate/logical response to a stressful or upsetting situation, as being soemthing that is inherently shameful or a sign that someone is a weak person?

[Nonoanddefintelyno]

As an adult, I feel much more pressure to not openly show my emotions compared to when I was younger. I often get the sense that generally most people's consensus on crying/showing emotion is that you should never cry over a small upset or just because you're having a day where your hormones are making your emotions much more pronounced. I feel like the only time crying isnt seen as being completely weak as a human behaviour is in exceptional circumstances, such as if someone is going through three or four highly traumatic situations all at once. For example, it sounds completely moronic but I got caught in a rain storm earlier, I went to the group where I have my outreach wellbeing meet up on a Wednesday each week, but I was completely soaked when I arrived and honestly when i got into the building i felt close to tears and i could feel my voice going blubbery/shaky when i walked in because i just felt like i must have looked so unkempt when i arrived with my clothes and shoes sopping wet etc. i tend to honestly cry at least once most days, although I usually try and do it with some discretion so only around people I trust or if someone else is also crying then it feels safer to do. If im being brutally honest, I feel like on past occasions when I've been in the company of people who have a "happy go lucky"/seemingly endlessly positive attitude towards life, I've felt like if i were to express any "sad" or difficult emotions through crying, in front of them, that i'd get criticized or slandered for not being able to match their same happy, carefree, positive attitude

Yes, I cried at work the other day over something. But I made sure I did it in the loo where no one could see me.

Oh definitely! I’m very uncomfortable with people who cry easily. I’ve never cried in the workplace, it’s just admitting you’re out of control, isn’t it? I try to keep it in till I’m alone.

No, I don’t feel like that tbh. I don’t mind people crying, whether it’s sad or happy tears, and I don’t judge it as weak or anything. I like sad music so at some point most days in my office someone will be like…are you ok 😂

I’m definitely not a happy-go-lucky optimist, I’m more of a nihilistic pessimist, but yes I have to admit I find people crying (including myself) quite pathetic and gross.

Crikey 😂😭😬😐

I admit I would roll my eyes if someone burst into tears because they got caught in the rain. That might be an annoying experience but hardly a sorrowful or traumatic one.

I have a colleague who cries at the drop of a hat. It seems quite manipulative and attention seeking to me, an attempt to gain sympathy over very minor issues. I really, really want to tell her to pack it in but of course I won't. However, I also won't do the soothing "there, there, you poor thing" nonsense that she seems to expect.

Any emotional outburst can be uncomfortable for others. Nothing wrong with crying as such whether that is sad or happy tears. But sometimes what you are crying at is quite baffling to others. I would find crying because you got wet as bizarre as screaming at the Sistene Chapel

It's a sign of strong emotion, not weakness.

Crying "at least once most days" sounds like a lot of crying to me TBH.
Are you menopausal? - Or depressed? - Or going through a very sad time in your life?

I don’t think crying at appropriate situations is wrong. Crying because you get rained on and are wet is really odd though and I can see why others would view it as odd or attention seeking.

It depends on the situation. I used to work with a woman who cried often at work, at least twice a week, and it was quite difficult. She didn’t cope in very common work situations where there may be a problem and therefore really she wasn’t capable of the job she was doing. Everyone had to be really careful around her to avoid the awkwardness of her crying and we were all relived when she left.

I think if someone is crying in the company of people they’re not particularly close to, over situations that aren’t particularly traumatic, then you have to realise that it can be quite awkward for others to know what to say and how to deal with it.

As you’re crying most days, and it sounds like it is over quite small things, would it benefit you to see your GP? Or talk to someone close to you about how you’re feeling? I know when I was tearful for a period of time, it wasn’t really because of the small things I seemed to be getting emotional over, it was actually something bigger going on that I needed to deal with. Crying over small things is a sign there is something else going on. It can’t be pleasant for you to feel how you do so I’d try to ge5 to the cause and see if you can feel better.

OP had mentioned an outreach wellbeing meet up so think that there is something else going on and that she is taking steps to address it

Genuine crying no, waving long nails in front of face and/or being dramatic/ attention seeking yes

What have long nails got to do with anything? Unless you’re just being sexist.

I agree that crying shows emotional strength, not weakness. I grew up in a family where we weren’t encouraged to show our emotions and was told off for crying and “being dramatic” and honestly it fucked me up for years, I couldn’t understand why I felt these feelings and thought there was something wrong with me. Now I’ll cry loud and proud if I feel I need to!

I work with the unemployed. Sometimes clients cry - it's frustration usually. Sometimes they've been declared well enough to work and they don't agree with it. I've never thought anything of it.

I cry alot, it may well be once a day.
I think tears are an intimate expression of deep feeling. I'm comfortable crying with my husband but I can't think of anyone else I actually feel ok about crying infront of.
Forced intimacy can be a difficult experience for me, and I expect for other people as well. If I do cry infront of people I don't know well I don't think harshly of them for being awkward about it.

Crying isn’t weak or shameful or any other perjorative you’d like to ascribe it. It’s a human function, tears help lower stress levels and serve an important purpose. Crying at the drop of a hat often suggests something is going on that needs attention - be it support for mental health, a lifestyle change or a new job but it’s not shameful.

I cried the other day, at work, with my boss - a situation caught me completely off guard, I wasn’t overwhelmed and was in control of myself but in that moment I shed a few tears. I’m human, we aren’t built to take everything in our stride and some days we’re a bit more vulnerable than others, which is ok. I’d worry more about someone who never, ever cries.

Some people (especially women) cry easily. Some don't. Since it is more a woman thing to cry readily, yes, it definitely invites contempt rather than compassion from unpleasant, woman-hating people. So what. They were going to hold us in contempt anyway.

I don't personally cry in the general way of things but frustration and anger can definitely tip me that way on occasion, and this response (angry tears) has got more marked since I entered peri. If anyone judges, they can get fucked, really.

Its a learned response - we cry as young children because it produces a reaction from caregivers, it brings adult attention which means an injured child gets tended to.

Most parents train their child out of excessive crying as they age by progressively giving less and less attention for tears in minor situations (such as getting wet in the rain). Children also usually become aware that toddlers cry a lot, adults do not, thus crying is babyish (anathema to the average 10 yr old!) and will work on self control techniques to regulate/reduce tears - like deep breathing.

I’m not a crier and I don’t cry infront of people. I’ve always struggled to understand very emotional people and often want to tell them to pull themselves together. I realise that’s my problem, not theirs.

Crying is okay, it's the wailing and gnashing of teeth that shows inherent weakness.

So I don't do that. Anymore

I once cried at work and it led to a chat about whether I was able to cope with the job or not. (I had just taken a call from one of my direct reports who had tried to kill herself due in some part to some office bullying-and it was pretty bloody distressing). I’d like to think that that workplace was particularly toxic however. They prided themselves on having a whole SLT of women. In that office it made for a horrible sort of out do the men in how tough we are culture which was horrible to work in. Crying was definitely seen as weakness. But that hasn’t been the case in all my workplaces and I don’t view other people crying as such. I just assume they have alot going and offer sympathy and help if it’s needed.

Crying everyday is a lot op. I genuinely can't remember the last time I cried and I've had some pretty bad news this week.

It depends on what it's crying about, not just the situation.

In most situations I find crying attention seeking and manipulative and I dislike it. It's making it all about the person crying and is requiring the people around them to focus on her (it's very rarely him) and not the situation at hand.

On the other hand, in a trial/inquiry about terrible things like the death of children I think it's perfectly OK to cry, whether you are a victim, a juror or whatever.

I think your childhood massively impacts how comfortable you are to express emotions. I too am a ashamed crier