“Forcing” a child to be vegan?

[Twodrunkducks]

My dc had a friend over for the day, mum told me friend is vegan so I catered accordingly. When friend was round they told me they’re not actually vegan, but parents insist on sticking to a vegan diet at home, school or out with them. Asked for a cheese sandwich and begged me not to tell their mum. I felt really uncomfortable and just stuck with the vegan food I’d got in as mum requested. Child is 12 and in secondary if that makes a difference. I don’t even really know what my Aibu is. Are 12 year olds old enough to decide what they eat for themselves or at that age should they still be following parents rules?

Of course a 12yr old is capable of deciding for themselves. Its frankly appalling that anyone would push a restrictive diet on their child for no good reason, when the child does not want it.

Old enough to eat what they want. My kids (secondary age) have a few friends who according to their parents are vegetarian/vegan, but happily tuck into non-veggie meals at my house. I’m not going to police what they eat.

I have some friends who have been vegan for over 20 years and said their were going to bring up the children vegan. They relented as they realised the children would have so little choice/freedom out and about when they got older. You do need to give them the ability to choose.
I have a friend who is a lifelong veggie, I remember her trying meat when were teenagers, didn’t like any of it, never ate it again. Then it became her choice.

This. Poor child.
Please invite them back and let them eat all the cheese OP. They are probably craving dairy.

It will be much longer surely before they have their own money and there are alone at school and can choose their own snacks and food

If both parents are vegan / it’s a fully vegan household and the child’s nutritional needs are being met i can’t see an issue with them providing vegan food at home. When the child is old enough to buy their own food they can eat what they like. I think it’s a bit odd though, if a 12yo is being told they can’t eat non-vegan food at all eg out of the house.

This. @Twodrunkducks if a friend came over and husband said 'she's not to eat carbs' would you agree if friend asked for a sandwich?

For those who assume poor thing, probably craving this or that... It's unlikely their nutritional needs are being neglected, and the idea that a vegan diet isnt enough or whatever, needs to stop.

I've seen more issues in kids reared on beige.

In response to OP, I'd stick to what you've been asked, and the child will make their own choices when they're out without parents, from this age. What you could do is get some nice vegan cheese (ask the kid what nice but naughty vegan things he's unlikely to be given at home but could have round yours, like vegan nuggets) so the kid isn't as restricted.

Most places now have all kinds of options for vegans when out, specially bigger towns, cities. It's not the bore it once was. But I do think out of the gome, a person should have the autonomy they dont at home when it comes to diet.

Vegan here , my 13 year old eats meat and dairy , her choice it’s not fair on to force my choices on her entire lifestyle

How is giving child something they tell you parents won’t give any different to giving them non vegan food? Genuinely confused at the rationale for this.

Being vegan can be extremely healthy! And there are plenty of meat eaters who eat restrictive, unhealthy diets.

12 is old enough to make decisions about food sometimes, but not always. I was unilaterally vegetarian from a very young age, and that was mostly respected by my family. But at 12 I’d have lived on cereal and chocolate brownies if left to my own devices!

We’re a vegetarian household and DD will be told she can eat anything she likes when out and about, but at home we only cook veggie. (DD is only 10 months so we haven’t had that chat yet.)

I think by 12 you should go with what the kid wants - give him that sandwich. I am a lifelong vegetarian but have never stopped my children eating meat and it turns out they love meat with a passion. Thankfully they are old enough to cook it themselves.

Admittedly, that's easy for me because I'm not vegetarian for political or ethical reasons - I just really don't like eating meat. But there are some things our kids do get to choose for themselves - religion, who they love, how to vote, and eating meat.

Parents don’t get to dictate food choices when children are elsewhere. Note I explicitly say choices. Children still need to follow dietary requirements for medical conditions. If parents follow a philosophical or religious diet, the child is free to follow the diet or make other choices when other food is available.

We all make decisions for our kids- vegan diets can be very healthy and it would be wrong to feed the kid dairy without the parents consent. They might have legitimate ethical reasons to be vegan ir worry about meat and what’s in it.
You can’t give a vegan kid a cheese sandwich- his parents decisions are non of your business

I think it would be awkward to go against what the parent has asked for at 12. On the other hand, they are likely to be free to choose whatever they want at school (unless parents withhold payments for the school canteen) or if they are out spending their pocket money. But personally I think they are old enough to choose for themselves and parents should allow this.

The child is old enough to make their own choices while out, IMO. Unless they have lactose issues.

Bless 'em asking for a cheese sandwich, though. Poor kid just wants a Babybel!

I would've given them one and claimed it was vegan cheese, if Mum kicked off.

You can guarantee that kid will be hitting the Big Macs every chance they get.

If the parents want their child to eat certain foods that I don’t have in, then they need to provide it. I’m not running a restaurant in my kitchen.

If a 12yr old child from a vegan household asked for a beefburger, then I’d let them try it but warn them that as their body isn’t used to digesting meat products, it will likely make them feel unwell.

My DH is a lifelong veggie and oldest son has chosen to go veggie as an adult, but the rest of us are omnivores.

Friend of my DD has vegan parents and bought the child up vegan. Child is now 7. Child looks pale and thin. DD admitted the other week that they ask for chicken bites etc from her lunch box and she shares them. I expect it's not a one off and she's not the only one giving him tid bits.

When they're old enough to decide for themselves fair enough, but personally I don't think a vegan diet is an optimal diet for a growing child.

Old enough to eat what they want. Veganism is not recommended for children as it is very hard to get the sufficient nutrients.

A way to be respectful to parent and child is to set out serving dishes of vegan and not, and say I’ve made these vegan for you, and these are the cheese sandwiches for my child. Then walk away. If their parents ask you can answer that you gave them x.

I would have probably have put the plates on the counter and said ‘I’ve made this sandwich. I’m leaving it here if it goes it goes.’

The kid is 12 that is old enough to make their own mind up about what they want to eat, But I get that you might not actually want to give them dairy

They’re old enough to make their own choice.

We’re (as in my husband and I) have been vegetarian since we were children (our choice). We don’t cook meat so out daughter eats a vegetarian diet (while making sure her nutritional needs are met). She is 6 and can make her own choices, though. We wouldn’t be against her eating meat at a friend’s/family member’s house. WE are vegetarian, she just eats what we eat at home just because we don’t want to buy and cook meat. But she can make her own choices.

That's very sensible and balanced 👍

At 12, I'd probably have just said to the kids there's stuff in the fridge, help yourself and make yourself sarnies or whatever. And then let them get on with it!

Strick. vegetarian here, kids are nearly 18 and 19, I've been veggie all my life, don't nag the kids about it, husband happily eats steak. One kid is pescaterian and the other would be happily vegan but I worry about her calcium levels