“Forcing” a child to be vegan?

[Twodrunkducks]

My dc had a friend over for the day, mum told me friend is vegan so I catered accordingly. When friend was round they told me they’re not actually vegan, but parents insist on sticking to a vegan diet at home, school or out with them. Asked for a cheese sandwich and begged me not to tell their mum. I felt really uncomfortable and just stuck with the vegan food I’d got in as mum requested. Child is 12 and in secondary if that makes a difference. I don’t even really know what my Aibu is. Are 12 year olds old enough to decide what they eat for themselves or at that age should they still be following parents rules?

we raised our two to be vegan until they went to school and they wanted to fit in, we felt it was wrong to give them animal products when they were too young to understand what they were eating but once they got to school they were very persistent about it. We have ended up with a strict vegetarian and a child who will try everything. They both prefer vegan milk too despite loving cheese sandwiches.
12 is old enough to decide for themselves!

I would have given the child the cheese sandwhich.

Please see WHO report above.

If a child is expressing a preference for a perfectly normal food (not if they're asking to eat nothing but cake/chocolate etc) that you're offering your own child... then I would supply the vegan option and the non vegan option and let them choose.

This is not the same as a child having a sensitivity or allergy, this is a parent forcing their ethical decisions on a child now old enough to choose for themselves.

Have I missed it? I've read the whole thread

It's unlikely their nutritional needs are being neglected

You've no idea what type of vegan food they are given at home. A 'beige' chip butty is also vegan.

I think next time I'd make a buffet dinner of a mix of food and wander out of the room.

My kids are veggie, and have been all their life (16 & 14), both really healthy and it's never been an issue either at school or visiting people. I am vegan and they quite often eat vegan food by default. My daughter did say when she goes to uni she'll probably try meat, which is fine, I'd be fine if she wanted to before then I just won't cook it or buy it.

‘Proper vegan’ but not all will though. I have a friend who has been vegan for 25 years. She eats carbs and processed food. Luckily her children are vegetarian and eat at school so hopefully get some better foods and vegetables.

i just want to bump this posters links to some of the research , for anyone contemplating raising their child as a vegan its really important to be aware of potential issues, i will try to attach the table from 1 of those links that highlights some of the negative (bone health in particular) potential health impacts ( as well as some of the positives ie. cardio vascular health). If you dont wish to provide a balanced omnivore diet for ethical reasons then i think a vegetarian diet is far easier to provide adequately for children, especially for those who are often fussy or smaller eaters. i would also agree with someone who said certain metabolisms work better for certain diets...blood group A for eg. is often associated with lower stomach acid and higher stomach cancer rates and hence can do better on a vegetarian diet whereas someone like me with gut absorption issues did badly as a vegetarian and struggled to maintain iron levels. Fish is a massively important source of many nutrients and i am far healthier as an ex veggie!

That's a really helpful post. My sil suffered a lot during her pregnancies as a vegan...as did the babies. During her last pregnancy she decided to be omnivores...what a difference! That was her GP's and midwifes' advice, all of them. She looked so much better too, previously the tiredness had been crippling.

I'd have made the child the cheese sandwich.

At 12 years old they can make their own decisions. I feel very sorry for them and sad that you didn't help.

The parents won't have any control over what the kid buys. Most sweets and chocolates aren't vegan so she'll break it by doing a normal bit of snack buying alone. Before we get to other people's houses/meals and meeting friends for fast food/in coffee shops etc.

It's totally fine for them to only feed her what they eat. And I wouldn't want the kid to get barred from my house if she told parents I gave dairy/meat. But realistically I don't see how they can stop the kid from accessing non vegan food permanently.

This! It's up to parents what they provide inside the house, but they should not be preventing their child from choosing what they eat outside of the house.

My sister in law's son was 'not allowed' to eat anything other than vegan food his whole childhood, and the second he moved to uni he started eating meat. It was cruel what they did to him.

Really?! I know a few vegan parents and they all let their kids eat what they wanted outside of the home, for example at friend’s houses and birthday parties.

Don't put this on OP.

If you're round at a friend's house for a meal, you eat the meal that's prepared, you don't make requests.

I absolutely think the parents are in the wrong, by the way. But OP is not in the wrong for giving the kid what she had prepared.

I had meat forced on me as a child and young teen. I always hated it. I'm now a vegetarian.

Parents make choices about their children's diet whether it be vegan, omnivore, kosher etc. Enforcing a vegan diet is no different to enforcing any other diet.

That said, at age 12 I think the child should have some say.

But at 12 you should have agency to decide that you don't want to eat meat. I understand for the parent there may be factors which can't be overcome like budget constraints, but otherwise a 12 year old is generally able to know what they do or don't want to eat. Especially when they're making perfectly sensible choices.

Which is why I said at 12 they child should have a say...