Hi all,
Wondering if any of you can give me your two pence on this situation and whether I’m just over emotional (pregnancy) or not.
I posted here back end of last year/beginning of this year regarding my husband (we’ve been together for 9 years) and his selfish ways, putting his hobbies first, not doing anything around the house and his laziness with our now 2 year old daughter, as well as his temper.
Well, 2-3 months ago I found out I was pregnant. I was nearly 7 weeks at this point. Things weren’t good between myself and my husband and we were having counselling. I really didn’t believe that keeping the baby was a good idea. My mental health was getting worse, my husband was not coping with our daughter and the thought of bringing another one into this house made me feel sick. My husband then told me he would not be able to give up his “life” (by which he was referring to his hobbies) for me to train and progress as a solicitor, after I’d had this baby. For context, he completed his part time degree whilst working full time in the period I had my daughter and by the time she was 1. I have always wanted to be a solicitor, and this was a discussion we had had before our first. I discussed an abortion with my husband and he told me if I were to do that, we would have to separate. As he cannot cope with that.
I had it booked for a week later and agreed we would separate. I had to put my mental health first, so I could look after our daughter.
After less than a week of moving out (he kicked me out and told me I couldn’t stay if I were to get rid of the baby), I realised my mental health was improving. I realised it wasn’t the baby making me anxious, it was the situation and knowledge that in this relationship I would not be able to cope with a newborn, my daughter and basically a second child.
So I agreed to keep the baby but told my husband that things weren’t working and unless he managed to change his ways and prioritise us, I would be leaving. He didn’t change his ways; the house became disgusting, every time I visited to drop off our daughter or look after the dogs. My daughter’s clothes weren’t being washed regularly enough, so they were mouldy. The house smelled. But he continued to do his hobbies and focus on him.
Anyway, in this time he has been coming to my scans, we’ve discussed him being there during my labour and birth, and spending the first 2 weeks together following the birth so he can be with his baby.
Up until 3 weeks ago, he was also constantly making comments that we’d be better off together and to rethink getting divorce.
A divorce had not been filed at this stage and we were waiting until after the baby. I think maybe I hoped he would see reason and sort his life out.
On Saturday we decided to celebrate our daughter’s 2nd birthday together by going to a farm. He wanted me to take photos of her whilst she was feeding the lambs. I didn’t have my phone - it was in the pram parked at the back of the queue.
I asked him if I could just use his to take photos. He hesitated and then stuttered and said he didn’t see why not. He made sure to get the camera up for me. He clearly accidentally unlocked the phone and at the bottom left was a nude of him, he had clearly recently taken.
When I asked if i was seeing things correctly, he went red and told me to mind my business.
Obviously i was upset. I moved out in June. Having had further conversations with him, he states he has done nothing wrong. He is chatting with a girl and intends to meet up with her for “just sex”.
Turns out my daughter, who hasn’t been very well the last week, was in the room next door, whilst he’s doing taking and exchanging photos and masturbating to them. Now; if it wasn’t for the fact that that night he was messaging me every 20 mins or so to say she was upset and clearly not well, I wouldn’t have minded.
But whilst she is upset, he is next door, distracted.
I think I’m in a bit of shock, he told me a few weeks back that I wasn’t to shag anyone whilst pregnant with his child (I’m now 5 months). Never in a million years did I think he’d be looking to do the same so early on.
I just want to know if anyone else thinks it’s wrong and very quick.
He says “single is single” and he can do what he wants. But I just think he’s showing no respect for the fact I’m carrying his baby and looking after his child, while he sees her every other weekend.
I have gone absolutely mad and he has said he is “shaken” by my response; saying he didn’t realise he was losing a friend too.