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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell Dh to stop using my car and buy his own

103 replies

smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:23

I wouldn’t mind but he is tall and adjusts the mirrors so that when I look in them I can see the sky and puts the seat as low as it will go and leaves it like it.
He deliberately doesn’t have a car to save money as he works from home and apparently doesn’t need one but is happy to use mine so every time I get in to go shopping, pick the kids up or drive to work I can’t see anything until I put it all back to how it was.
Getting very fed up now as I’m short and can’t see to park properly unless I adjust everything every time.

I get that he has to adjust everything too but I think if he needs to use my car then he does need one and should purchase his own?
Or am I being a bit petty about this?

OP posts:
Mt563 · 27/08/2025 14:27

How do you share finances? Honestly, I'd put up with this because of the cost and hassle of buying and running another car, but we have 100% shared finances so it might be different if you don't.

BrunchBarBandit · 27/08/2025 14:30

My DH and I share a car. We just adjust it when we get in. It takes less than 30 secs to fix the seat and move the mirror.

It saves us a fortune just having one car.

Ilovechees3 · 27/08/2025 14:30

Have you talked to him about it?

Lmnop22 · 27/08/2025 14:31

It’s definitely annoying but he wouldn’t be able to just put it how you need it even if he tried because he can’t be your height to know where the seat and mirrors need to go.

I would say if he uses it every day then it’s worth getting some cheap runaround small car for him to use to save you the hassle but if he really doesn’t use it much, cars are so expensive to insure and tax and run that I would just put up with it on the proviso he spends some of the money he saves borrowing yours on you and he’s designated driver if you want to have a drink etc!

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/08/2025 14:32

Mt563 · 27/08/2025 14:27

How do you share finances? Honestly, I'd put up with this because of the cost and hassle of buying and running another car, but we have 100% shared finances so it might be different if you don't.

This, basically.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/08/2025 14:32

Do you share finances? Personally I wouldn’t waste money on a second car for limited use just so I don’t have to adjust my mirrors, but I guess if you’ve got money to burn then why not.

InveterateWineDrinker · 27/08/2025 14:33

Honestly, you sound petty. Every other one-car couple in the land seems to manage this.

Original poster
smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:34

He is the main earner but we share finances

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/08/2025 14:35

smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:34

He is the main earner but we share finances

Does he earn enough to waste money on little things like this?

mugglewump · 27/08/2025 14:36

smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:34

He is the main earner but we share finances

So get him to pay the insurance and call it a shared car. Surely that is preferable to paying for two cars? Especially as your grumble is the seating position and not that he is always using it making you carless.

Minnie798 · 27/08/2025 14:38

If he is using your car most days, perhaps having his own would be beneficial/ is necessary. If it's only once or twice a week, the added cost of a second car probably isn't worth it.
I don't think having to adjust a seat and mirror are reason enough to justify the costs of a second car to be honest.

Abthdust · 27/08/2025 14:40

If the main reason for the complaint is the seat adjustment, and you think you can afford two cars maybe instead look to buying a different single car that has "driver profiles" and automatically adjusts positions depending on who is driving.

Octavia64 · 27/08/2025 14:42

Some cars will move the seat depending on which key opens it.

my 14 year old Volvo does this.

DeborahKerr · 27/08/2025 14:42

Of all the reasons to buy another car, not wanting to bother adjusting a mirror is the most ridiculous one I've ever heard.

Rosyredapples · 27/08/2025 14:43

If you share finances, how much would come out of the joint finances to buy another car? Say £10,000 for a second hand smallish car, plus insurance, tax, servicing etc. Do you think it is wort this amount of money to save you adjusting the seat and mirror each time? I wouldn't think it was worth it.

HoskinsChoice · 27/08/2025 14:43

So if he earns more and you share finances, why is it your car? Surely it's shared?

irregularegular · 27/08/2025 14:44

DH and I only have one car, because we really don't need two cars. We both have to adjust the seat position if the other person has used it, it's not a big deal and definitely not a sufficient reason to shell out for a second car!

So clearly, in your place, I would not be thinking about "my car vs your car" and make a sensible decision about how many cars you actually need as a family.

I think in theory we may have the option for pre-set positions for each driver for our car but we haven't bothered to look at how it works!

Chompingatthebeat · 27/08/2025 14:45

What a waste of money, just because of a few minor adjustments

StirrednotFried · 27/08/2025 14:45

Not cause to run a second car, I get the cost saving aspect.

But perhaps if you can, upgrade your car with individual memory settings for the seat and mirrors - it'll save you time and irritation.

Tracklement · 27/08/2025 14:46

No biggie to me at all

BUT awaiting the drips about how fundamentally he’s a twat and this marriage is on shakey grounds anyways

UnbeatenMum · 27/08/2025 14:46

It is annoying but not annoying enough to run two cars if you don't need to IMO. We have shared a car in the past and both drive both cars now so there's a lot of adjusting. Maybe it would help to see it as the family car if finances are shared?

Tracklement · 27/08/2025 14:47

but is happy to use mine so every time I get in to go shopping, pick the kids up or drive to work I can’t see anything until I put it all back to how it was.

oh don’t exaggerate. “Every time”…. If he works from home… how often does he use?

and does he not do the shopping and pick up kids too? Or is a drip coming that he does sweet fa

AndrewPreview · 27/08/2025 14:50

Do you need another car for practical reasons, or do you really want to shell out £££s just for the sake of saving a minute when you get in the car?

outerspacepotato · 27/08/2025 14:52

How often does he use your car?

Other people using my car = seat adjustments. I adjust them back when I use again. It just doesn't seem like a big deal. It's harder for him being tall getting into a car adjusted for a shorter person because that is uncomfortable.

HeinzTomato · 27/08/2025 14:52

Seems excessive for him to spend the cost of a car and all the running costs just because you need to adjust the mirrors etc. It takes 10 seconds to do and TBH is much easier for you to do than him (unless your car is one that allows you to save settings). Bit petty.

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