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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell Dh to stop using my car and buy his own

103 replies

smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:23

I wouldn’t mind but he is tall and adjusts the mirrors so that when I look in them I can see the sky and puts the seat as low as it will go and leaves it like it.
He deliberately doesn’t have a car to save money as he works from home and apparently doesn’t need one but is happy to use mine so every time I get in to go shopping, pick the kids up or drive to work I can’t see anything until I put it all back to how it was.
Getting very fed up now as I’m short and can’t see to park properly unless I adjust everything every time.

I get that he has to adjust everything too but I think if he needs to use my car then he does need one and should purchase his own?
Or am I being a bit petty about this?

OP posts:
Aparecium · 27/08/2025 14:53

It's perfectly normal. I'm 7" shorter than dh; we both have to adjust everything when the order has driven the car. Is it really worth the expense of a second car? Alternatively - if it's a problem you're willing to spend on to solve - replace your car with one that has programmable seats. Then you would only have to adjust the mirrors, which might even be included in the seat settings.

uncredible · 27/08/2025 14:54

You sound incredibly petty. You adjust after he uses and he adjusts after you use it. I would love to have just one car but my DH is incredibly precious about his car and I’m not so I keep my little run around for when I need to drive

doodleschnoodle · 27/08/2025 14:54

Our cars are interchangeable. We take a few seconds to adjust seat and mirror and off we go. I am 5ft 4 and DH 6ft 4 so it’s far worse for him! I find it weird when married couples are so possessive about cars honestly, they are family items for us and we both use them as needed for our family life.

Goldleafcat · 27/08/2025 14:56

Octavia64 · 27/08/2025 14:42

Some cars will move the seat depending on which key opens it.

my 14 year old Volvo does this.

Ooh this is fancy! Which model is this? I would find this useful so will bear it in mind for future cars. My DH is taller than me.

Original poster
smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:59

Tracklement · 27/08/2025 14:46

No biggie to me at all

BUT awaiting the drips about how fundamentally he’s a twat and this marriage is on shakey grounds anyways

No drip feed, I was just running late and stressed because I couldn’t see to park properly as I never quite managed to get in the right position and it annoyed me that I couldn’t just get in and go and it be as I left it.

OP posts:
Original poster
smilysix · 27/08/2025 15:00

I didn’t know you could get cars that had those settings,
maybe something to look into

OP posts:
Tracklement · 27/08/2025 15:01

smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:59

No drip feed, I was just running late and stressed because I couldn’t see to park properly as I never quite managed to get in the right position and it annoyed me that I couldn’t just get in and go and it be as I left it.

Show quote history

So if not drip feed
Hes otherwise decent chap and happy marriage and he rarely uses the car - and also picks kids up etc
surely this car is the “family car”

Snowmanmarryme · 27/08/2025 15:03

Tracklement · 27/08/2025 15:01

So if not drip feed
Hes otherwise decent chap and happy marriage and he rarely uses the car - and also picks kids up etc
surely this car is the “family car”

Edited
Show quote history

Agreed. You have a family car. What makes you think it’s ’your’ car? Unless you both have to commute by car why would you bother getting a second family car?

LurkThenPost · 27/08/2025 15:03

Why can't he just get a cheap run around car? It doesn't have to be something fancy, but sharing cars can be a hassle. Your paying for convenience by having a second car. He must save a lot by WFH, so can use some money towards a car for himself.

Sharptonguedwoman · 27/08/2025 15:04

Abthdust · 27/08/2025 14:40

If the main reason for the complaint is the seat adjustment, and you think you can afford two cars maybe instead look to buying a different single car that has "driver profiles" and automatically adjusts positions depending on who is driving.

Came here to say this. Friends had one, he was 6ft 6" and she was 5 ft 2". The profile changed according to which key was used. Very expensive car though, for its time.

LurkThenPost · 27/08/2025 15:06

Actually as its your car but you both share it by the looks of it..

Who pays for repairs?
Who pays for petrol etc?
Who pays for insurance/road tax?

If this is all you and he's just using your car then YANBU.

He needs to contribute to the cost of running the car depending on how much he uses it percentage wise.

Because otherwise he is saving a lot of money by not having is own car and using yours for free.

Shmithecat2 · 27/08/2025 15:08

Lots of cars - not that new or expensive - have seat memory settings. One of our cars is a 2006 plate (although high spec) and you can programme different seat positions etc. He's 1, I'm 2. You just press a button. Buy a car like that or stop being so petty.

Octavia64 · 27/08/2025 15:09

My car that has different seat settings for each key is a Volvo xc90.

mine is a 2011 car.

BeltaLodaLife · 27/08/2025 15:10

You share finances. It’s a family car. Why waste money on a second car? Most people just adjust it when they get in; it’s not a big deal.

Icanttakethisanymore · 27/08/2025 15:10

DeborahKerr · 27/08/2025 14:42

Of all the reasons to buy another car, not wanting to bother adjusting a mirror is the most ridiculous one I've ever heard.

Exactly this. How lazy do you have to be to not want to adjust the mirror in your car? 😂

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 27/08/2025 15:10

If you share finances, then surely the car belongs to both of you?

Me and DP have a similar situation, we only have one car because I cycle to work so don't really need one. She uses the car the bulk of the time as she uses it for work.

It's not her car though, it's ours, and when one of us gets it in we adjust the seat / mirrors etc. it takes about 10 seconds, it's hardly a pain in the arse.

BeltaLodaLife · 27/08/2025 15:11

LurkThenPost · 27/08/2025 15:06

Actually as its your car but you both share it by the looks of it..

Who pays for repairs?
Who pays for petrol etc?
Who pays for insurance/road tax?

If this is all you and he's just using your car then YANBU.

He needs to contribute to the cost of running the car depending on how much he uses it percentage wise.

Because otherwise he is saving a lot of money by not having is own car and using yours for free.

Edited

She says they share finances and he is the higher earner. So they’re both paying for those things. It’s shared.

LurkThenPost · 27/08/2025 15:12

BeltaLodaLife · 27/08/2025 15:11

She says they share finances and he is the higher earner. So they’re both paying for those things. It’s shared.

Show quote history

But the OP refers it as her car, that's where I'm confused on. Did she buy the car with her own money? Hopefully, OP can clarify. If the costs are shared then its ok. She shouldn't pay for it all if they're sharing.

Icanttakethisanymore · 27/08/2025 15:14

YABU. I genuinely can't believe anyone would be so petty and lazy. You are a family, you share finances; do you know how much an additional car would cost? Both in terms of the depreciation and also the running costs? Work it out and then consider how hard it is to shift your seat forward and adjust the mirror, see if it feels like good value to buy a car to avoid doing it.

Tracklement · 27/08/2025 15:15

If he hasn’t got a car to “save money”… presumably that is family money he is endeavouring to sale

DaisyChain505 · 27/08/2025 15:18

If you share finances surely it’s just the family car that you use predominantly.

Would you really justify however many thousands of pounds a year it would cost to buy, insure, tax, MOT etc another car just so you don’t have to spend 30 seconds moving the chair and mirrors.

rwalker · 27/08/2025 15:20

Waste of money move your mirror
so your happy to share HIS wages but not YOUR car

AardvarkaKedavra · 27/08/2025 15:21

If you share finances, I'd have thought the car belongs to both of you. That's how it's always been in my marriage where all money is shared between us.

If you only need one car, I think adjusting seats and mirrors is just part of life. It takes less than a minute.

ClassicalQueen · 27/08/2025 15:21

DH and I shared a car for a while when he was WFH and I was on maternity leave. It doesn’t take long to adjust the mirrors or seats and a lot of cars have memory seats these days, where you press the number on the seat and it remembers driver 1 or 2. For the cost of buying and running a second car, I think I could put up with changing the seat and mirror position.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/08/2025 15:22

If you have shared finances would you really rather spend an extra probably £300-400 per month on another car rather than just spend a few minutes adjusting your seat?