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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell Dh to stop using my car and buy his own

103 replies

smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:23

I wouldn’t mind but he is tall and adjusts the mirrors so that when I look in them I can see the sky and puts the seat as low as it will go and leaves it like it.
He deliberately doesn’t have a car to save money as he works from home and apparently doesn’t need one but is happy to use mine so every time I get in to go shopping, pick the kids up or drive to work I can’t see anything until I put it all back to how it was.
Getting very fed up now as I’m short and can’t see to park properly unless I adjust everything every time.

I get that he has to adjust everything too but I think if he needs to use my car then he does need one and should purchase his own?
Or am I being a bit petty about this?

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 27/08/2025 16:16

What kind of man is he, op? Good husband, takes care of you?

Who pays for the car? Do you go 50/50 on finances?

My answer would depend on the above

I can understand its annoying though. When I lock the car once i'm in it, then remember i left something in the boot, go to the boot to see that I've forgotten to unlock it, it fills me with rage

I guess this is kinda the same, so yanbu 😄

Zov · 27/08/2025 16:17

InveterateWineDrinker · 27/08/2025 14:33

Honestly, you sound petty. Every other one-car couple in the land seems to manage this.

Yeah this. ^ DH and I have been a one-car-couple since we met. Always managed for the 30+ years we have lived together inexplicably!

You are being very petty @smilysix Just move things back. (The seat, and the mirror etc...) He has to move things after YOU have been in the car...

And as you're a married couple, why is it YOUR car? He is the main earner you say, but you are quite happy to share his income..... Wink

Zov · 27/08/2025 16:18

Freeme31 · 27/08/2025 15:25

Hide all the car keys and say no when he asks for them would solve the problem

Yeah, good idea.... 🙄 Then maybe the OP's husband can hide his money, and keep it from the OP, and just give her enough to cover bills.

PaddlingSwan · 27/08/2025 16:19

I have had my car since 2004. There have only been 2 people, who have driven it. A colleague, who is CEO of an insurance company and very kindly polished it for me as he is a total car nerd and my sister, who is an excellent driver and described the experience as "driving a sofa".
Obviously the people at my garage drive it, but I am not with them.
My OH hates the make of car, so has only been with me twice. I wouldn't let him touch it. I would let my brother drive it and I did ask my mother, if she wanted to drive, as she very kindly used to let us all drive her car, latterly a rather sporty BMW. She declined.
No way would I have let my father drive, he was suboptimal, I once got insured to drive his car, because my mother had a new one that she wouldn't let him drive until all the children had (we were late 20s to early 30s). I could park it so much better than he could - thanks Mum :-)
Only person I would really trust is my sister.

Mothership4two · 27/08/2025 16:25

We occasionally drive each other's cars and it takes literally seconds to adjust - DH is 7" taller than me - I have no problem with it. I find the leaving on of the fan, radio and occasionally the lights annoying (and tell him so) but not enough to tell him to stop using it (and we view them as our cars).

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 27/08/2025 16:26

Tracklement · 27/08/2025 15:31

Clearly the OP needs to start a thread… in “Relationships” because not a chance this is a happy healthy marriage

Yep, poor bloke!
Is it another 'what's mine is mine, what's yours is ours' situation?

Isobel201 · 27/08/2025 16:27

LurkThenPost · 27/08/2025 15:03

Why can't he just get a cheap run around car? It doesn't have to be something fancy, but sharing cars can be a hassle. Your paying for convenience by having a second car. He must save a lot by WFH, so can use some money towards a car for himself.

I actually find working from home, I'm using a lot more electrictiy during the day than otherwise if I was in the office, so my cheaper fuel costs is offset by the increased electricity costs. So no, I don't think he'll be saving a lot of money working from home.

LurkThenPost · 27/08/2025 16:36

Isobel201 · 27/08/2025 16:27

I actually find working from home, I'm using a lot more electrictiy during the day than otherwise if I was in the office, so my cheaper fuel costs is offset by the increased electricity costs. So no, I don't think he'll be saving a lot of money working from home.

Edited
Show quote history

But you're saving money in other ways like OP husband is e.g. not needing a car.

CautiousLurker01 · 27/08/2025 16:39

BrunchBarBandit · 27/08/2025 14:30

My DH and I share a car. We just adjust it when we get in. It takes less than 30 secs to fix the seat and move the mirror.

It saves us a fortune just having one car.

And, obviously, he can’t possibly adjust the mirror and seat to wear OP needs it as he is too tall to know where these should be for her to use. It would be pointless as she’d still have to adjust it.

My DH adjusts my car as he uses it at the weekend when we take the dogs out in it (they aren’t allowed in his sterile, spotless car). I just accept that I need to fiddle around with the settings every Monday.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 27/08/2025 16:39

You'd hate my situation OP. There are 6 drivers in my house and we share 4 cars. We also let houseguests and my neighbour drive our cars (we're in the US so all the cars are insured for anyone to drive).

Heights range from 5'5 to 6'4.

Everyone is constantly readjusting seats and mirrors.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/08/2025 16:45

Dh uses mine far more than I do (we have excellent public transport) so I have to adjust the seat and mirrors every time.
Dh’s car is bigger and a diesel, so because of ULEZ he has to pay £12 per day to use it. We tend to use his only for long journeys, or e.g. when collecting or taking home 3 Gdcs the 60 miles with their bikes - 2 on a bike rack, the little one in the boot with all their stuff. We’d never fit all that in mine.

MyMilchick · 27/08/2025 16:47

smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:34

He is the main earner but we share finances

Then surely it makes sense to share the car? Why waste money on a second car just because of adjusting some mirrors?

RimTimTagiDim · 27/08/2025 16:52

Are you the woman from the other thread who thinks it's a huge imposition to send her husband a two-word text when she goes home early while he's working in the loft?

ThatWasJustANoise · 27/08/2025 16:53

Me and DH share our car at the moment as I walk to work and we also have another vehicle to tax and insure.

I don't want the added expense of another car.

jannier · 27/08/2025 16:55

smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:34

He is the main earner but we share finances

Is he using the car when you need it all the time? If so he needs a car if not your wanting to waste money for 30 seconds and that's mad.

godmum56 · 27/08/2025 16:58

I'd mind.

tachetastic · 27/08/2025 17:03

The seat and mirrors I have learned to live with, but what really annoys me is when DH insists on connecting his phone to my car via Bluetooth whenever he borrows it so he can listen to his BBC Sounds. This disconnects my phone, which can take anything from a few seconds to two hours to reconnect when I get in the car next. I do get that the issue is probably with my phone's Bluetooth, but it's my car so learn to live without BBC Sounds for a f hour! 😂

Mothership4two · 27/08/2025 17:19

It's annoying @tachetastic . My car automatically connects to my son's Bluetooth even though he hasn't driven it for about 2 years now.

FrangipaniBlue · 27/08/2025 17:21

3 of us share 2 vehicles, whoever gets in whichever car just adjusts it to their preferred settings, takes 10 seconds……….

tachetastic · 27/08/2025 17:28

Mothership4two · 27/08/2025 17:19

It's annoying @tachetastic . My car automatically connects to my son's Bluetooth even though he hasn't driven it for about 2 years now.

It took me five years to work out how to stop the car trying to find and connect to the phone of the guy who delivered it from the garage in 2018! 🙄

Ilovemyshed · 27/08/2025 17:35

Why not buy a car with memory seats? You code the settings to individual keys.

WFHforevermore · 27/08/2025 17:52

Very petty indeed.

Goldleafcat · 27/08/2025 18:03

IMustDoMoreExercise · 27/08/2025 15:26

Our Mazda CX60 moves the seat and steering wheel and seat back to the saved position. You have to adjust the wing mirrors yourself.

Show quote history

Thank you!

crochetandshit · 27/08/2025 19:02

We have a car each but my husband's Audi A7 also adjusts the seats etc automatically depending on which key you use. It's 14 years old so not too spendy. Just another option on top of others comments saying their car has the same feature. I love it.

MeridaBrave · 27/08/2025 19:11

DH and I share a car been married for 28 years. Saves us so much money. Occasionally get Ubers (which works out so much cheaper than financing a second car). If you share finances I think you are being very unreasonable. If you are paying on your own for the car maybe ask him to contribute.

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