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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell Dh to stop using my car and buy his own

103 replies

smilysix · 27/08/2025 14:23

I wouldn’t mind but he is tall and adjusts the mirrors so that when I look in them I can see the sky and puts the seat as low as it will go and leaves it like it.
He deliberately doesn’t have a car to save money as he works from home and apparently doesn’t need one but is happy to use mine so every time I get in to go shopping, pick the kids up or drive to work I can’t see anything until I put it all back to how it was.
Getting very fed up now as I’m short and can’t see to park properly unless I adjust everything every time.

I get that he has to adjust everything too but I think if he needs to use my car then he does need one and should purchase his own?
Or am I being a bit petty about this?

OP posts:
IMustDoMoreExercise · 27/08/2025 15:23

It will be a waste to have another car if he wfh.

Next time you change your car, try and get one where you can save the settings for each of you (although you will stlll have to adjust the wing mirrors).

BMW6 · 27/08/2025 15:24

So each time he goes to use it he has to make the necessary adjustments to suit him, and when you are going to drive you have to make the adjustments?

It all evens out - Where's the problem? Seems overkill to me to spend thousands on another car that'll sit unused more often than not!

I think you are being rather "precious" OP. Think of it as the Family Car, not Yours.

PurpleThistle7 · 27/08/2025 15:24

That would be a surprising reason to get a second car. Many couples share a car and manage. If you can easily afford it and regularly have clashing needs then that makes sense. But refusing to spend 20 seconds moving a mirror is an odd one.

AhBiscuits · 27/08/2025 15:24

Seems ridiculous to get a second car when you only need one because you can't be arsed to move your seat and mirrors.

Freeme31 · 27/08/2025 15:25

Hide all the car keys and say no when he asks for them would solve the problem

DoraDont · 27/08/2025 15:26

We are a one car family and dp is 6’ and I am 4’11”, can’t say the 30 seconds it takes to readjust the seat and mirrors annoys me
enough to want to fund another vehicle. I doubt he would think so either.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 27/08/2025 15:26

Goldleafcat · 27/08/2025 14:56

Ooh this is fancy! Which model is this? I would find this useful so will bear it in mind for future cars. My DH is taller than me.

Show quote history

Our Mazda CX60 moves the seat and steering wheel and seat back to the saved position. You have to adjust the wing mirrors yourself.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 27/08/2025 15:27

smilysix · 27/08/2025 15:00

I didn’t know you could get cars that had those settings,
maybe something to look into

Our Mazda CX60 moves the seat and steering wheel and back of the seat back to the saved position. You have to adjust the wing mirrors yourself.

FrogFalacy · 27/08/2025 15:30

Op gently if you share finances it’s not your car - it’s both your cars. Fact he is bigger earner also kind of jars as you seem a bit mean to then be saying I know you put 1.5x (made up figure) my salary into family pot but this is my car and you can’t use it!
If he’s a nice bloke why don’t you chat with him and explain it’s a bug bear of yours faffing with chairs, mirrors etc. See if he has any solutions.
But tbh it might just be one of those things you need to let go and try be zen about - like toilet seats!

Tracklement · 27/08/2025 15:31

Clearly the OP needs to start a thread… in “Relationships” because not a chance this is a happy healthy marriage

VoltaireMittyDream · 27/08/2025 15:40

I share a car with my very tall DH. Both of us have to adjust the seats, mirrors, etc every time we use it. It's just life with one car between 2 differently-sized people. If you have tons of money to burn / plenty of parking space then fill your boots, get a second car. But otherwise you just deal with the minor inconvenience of taking 10 seconds to adjust the seat and mirrors.

Lavenderflower · 27/08/2025 15:43

I think my answer depends on whether this is a personal or shared car. Does he contribute to the cost and running of the car? If not then I think it reasonable for him to have his own car.

redskydelight · 27/08/2025 15:44

Surely this is just a standard niggle for any couple that share a family car (I assume you are only calling it "your" car because you use it most).

I share a family car with DH. I have to adjust the mirror and the seat when I get into it (and generally the temperature). He adjusts them back when he uses it. I know from doing it a zillion times how I have to move the mirror and seat so they are "right" for me. If you don't have time to adjust things properly, this suggests you simply need to give yourself a few extra minutes when travelling to schedule?

StellaTheCriminalMastermind · 27/08/2025 15:45

StirrednotFried · 27/08/2025 14:45

Not cause to run a second car, I get the cost saving aspect.

But perhaps if you can, upgrade your car with individual memory settings for the seat and mirrors - it'll save you time and irritation.

This OP. We have our own cars, but mine is more sporty and “fun” (i.e. fast!) to drive so my DH is always buggering off in it, he’s a good bit taller than me, so has to change all my seat and mirror settings just because he fancied taking it instead. He’s also responsible for for a pretty bad ding on the tailgate 😤 He’s the main earner and I’m very lucky, yadda, yadda etc, but it winds me right up lol.

I’m absolutely getting a car that does this next time.

Thatladdo · 27/08/2025 15:49

Note for the future :

Adjusting the mirrors so you can safely and legaly drive on the public highway uses less time and is cheaper than hitting someone or something because you cant see behind you when parking - It looks like you hadnt used the mirrors the whole journey before needing to park which is concerning in itself.

Picking fights about who has what and paying fair shares when your sharing sqewed finances, generaly isnt a path of complaint or argument that leads to a net positive outcome for either party.

Let it go - at least you dont have to bang your knees and have to fold yourself in half just to get in 🙂

TheSwarm · 27/08/2025 15:51

I share a car with DH, and so the seat changes every time either of us uses it.

It literally takes 10 seconds to put it back. Get a wee bitty of a grip.

TallulahBetty · 27/08/2025 15:51

If you can both drive, but only one car, then it's a shared car.

queenMab99 · 27/08/2025 15:51

Can he not adjust it back to your settings, when he has used it?

Thisisbetweenyoumeandtheinternet · 27/08/2025 15:57

Jesus Christ.. really?! Get a grip! These minor adjustments take two seconds

Glittertwins · 27/08/2025 15:59

Abthdust · 27/08/2025 14:40

If the main reason for the complaint is the seat adjustment, and you think you can afford two cars maybe instead look to buying a different single car that has "driver profiles" and automatically adjusts positions depending on who is driving.

Came to say exactly this!

BashfulClam · 27/08/2025 15:59

Is it that much of a deal. We went down to one car in lockdown and that’s all we have, we just get in and adjust everything each time. It takes about a minute.

Catwalking · 27/08/2025 16:01

Get him a bicycle with big panniers! 😉

sugarapplelane · 27/08/2025 16:03

My DH works a 5 minute cycle from home so we only have one car. The difference with us is that it’s our car, not my car and not his car. I drive it more as I drive 30 minutes to the office 3 times a week, but it’s still our car.
We share finances so the costs of the car come out of the joint pot. I think my DH might be a bit miffed if I referred to it as my car. And rightly so.
Maybe change your perspective and treat it as both of yours and just adjust seats etc as necessary. That’s what we do.

PorridgeAndSyrup · 27/08/2025 16:11

I've got to be honest, I don't see what the problem is...? Me and DH share a car, and he's almost a foot taller than me, so it's just become routine every time either of us gets in the car we adjust the seat and mirror. It takes seconds. On long car journeys (which we do regularly) we share the driving, which means the seat and mirror get adjusted 3 or 4 times in one journey! It takes seconds, and there is no way I'd be going to the expense of buying an extra car just to avoid that! We're in a similar situation to you - the car is in my name, although we paid for it jointly, and he currently uses it to commute and I wfh so don't need it during the week... buying an extra car would be folly!

Mary28 · 27/08/2025 16:12

If he was using it only occasionally I'd leave it go but if he's using it a lot I might ask him to readjust but as he is not you I'm not sure how he's going to get it right, he'll just be guessing!
I get why you'd be annoyed if it happens a lot though but yeah, not sure what you or he can do about it.