Friend said she can see I've gained weight

[SatOnaHotTinRoof]

I was out with a friend the other night and, at the end of our time together, as I got up to leave, she said that she could see I have put on weight. Just out of the blue. We hadn't discussed weight issues, hadn't said a word about trying to lose weight, which we would both like to do. She had bumped into me a few weeks ago and I wondered if I seemed to have gained weight since then, but she said no. She did apologise eventually, but I can't stop thinking about it. I need to get it out of my head, but I keep wondering why she said it. I guess I will never know, but I keep thinking that she wanted me to feel bad about myself. And I had been feeling so good about myself that day and comfortable with what I was wearing etc.

When I initially asked her what made her say it her response was that it was the truth and she said that I must have an issue with my weight if her question upset me. I guess I do have an issue with my weight, but I think i have more of an issue with so-called "friends" who do this kind of thing and expect you just to accept it. She then did the classic thing of saying that it is unhealthy to be overweight. I told her that I had just had blood tests from my GP and that he said they were fine. She is about the same size as me and hasn't had tests from her GP.

I am a couple of stones overweight and am size 12 (which I guess appears more like a 14 when you are short like me).

Am I being unreasonable to think that she was out of order to comment on my weight like that?

Some 'friend'

She isn’t a friend. Please put it out of your head. She’s probably jealous and trying to sabotage you.

How would she react if you said the same to her? If you know she would be offended then she was being nasty.

I do have very direct family and some friends who tell me when I’ve put on weight. I don’t mind but I would never comment on anyone else’s weight.

Wow, well you know for sure now to never bring up dieting/weight etc ever again with her!

She said she wouldn't have minded if I had said that to her, but I don't believe her.

Some people can only feel good about themselves if they are putting others down. Agree with previous poster who said her comments were fuelled by jealousy. She saw you were feeling good and wanted to change that. Not the behaviour of a good friend! Her words say more about her than about you. I know it’s hard but try not to dwell. Women should be building each other up - not tearing each other down.

I didn't bring it up. We never mentioned it at all. She reckoned she was responding to a conversation we had about six months ago! And I have seen her in person since that conversation. I haven't gained weight since the last time I saw her.

Some people seem to have real trouble just thinking things and not saying them out loud. I'm not sure I'd want to spend time with her in the future, unless she is usually a great person. The fact that she defended it by talking about health just seems to make it worse.

I don't mind when people say this to me, if it's true.

But she should know you well enough to know you do mind.

So YANBU.

I was going to say if she's not usually like this, then I'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to a bout of explosive foot-in-mouth.

But then I got to this part of the post:

When I initially asked her what made her say it her response was that it was the truth and she said that I must have an issue with my weight if her question upset me.

The fact she doubled down and tried to make her rudeness YOUR problem, rather than just apologise, would change my opinion of her. You could try giving her a taste of her own medicine next time you see her ("ever thought of doing something surgical about your massive nose?"). But I don't know that I could be arsed playing tit-for-tat. Friendships aren't supposed to be like that.

It was the way it was done. Out of the blue when I was just leaving. I didn't understand her intention, I guess.

Then she’s a twat. Sounds like she was feeling a bit gleeful and couldn’t keep it in.

It’s good you called her out on it.

Awful. I would back away from that friendship

She actually did seem a bit gleeful, as though she was enjoying my discomfort. I started explaining that it was down to comfort eating, but i stopped when I clocked that enjoyment. It was weird.

i always know if i have put on weight. I feel it in my clothes

nobody needs to tell me.

Tell the 'friend' to fuck off.

I had just had a baby and gone through utter hell
Relationship breakdown
Dv
Court cases

Had out on weight and my friend was so rude

She was like how could you?
Why not weigh yourself each day?
Blah blah

It was so vile
I have not forgiven her

I just kept my distance

I shot up two more stone after that and was so afraid to bump into her as I did not know what she would say to me !!!!

Not a true friend

Plus who cares about weight
Why bring someone down :(

Months ago we had a phone discussion about each wanting to lose a bit of weight. But does that discussion give her the right to comment on my body? I don't feel I automatically have that right to comment on hers just because I know she is trying to lose weight. I wouldn't dream of saying she'd put weight on. That's her business.

Why do people feel the need to comment on other people’s bodies - whether slim or heavy? I have a very slim friend and she gets the ‘you need to eat something’ quite a bit. I’ve known her for over 40 years, and I knew her mother, both very slim. She hates being in a swimsuit as she feels very unfeminine as she has no chest or hips.
And telling someone ‘ooo you need to watch that’ or ‘do you think you need that’ when eating - like oh my god I never knew I was a couple stone overweight! Thanks so much for telling me’!
She wanted to take you down a notch for whatever reason. Unpleasant and not something a friend should do, but some people just can’t help themselves.

TBH I wish I had friends saying to me when I was piling on the beef

I will admit, I piled it on, and denied it by refusing to be in the moment - not a photo taken of me for 5 years - those that were snapped without my say so - I deleted. Out of sight - I dint have to admit I was too heavy

But Im not you @SatOnaHotTinRoof

If you are happy with your weight then crack on , ignore her comments decide are they worth losing a friendship over or if that's it

Only you know if you are happy and confident how you are, or if your "friend" touched a nerve

Wow no real friend would say this to you.

Most of us are self conscious about their bodies we all have hang ups even models. She knows this we all do. Never go there it's not rocket science

She knows that I am trying to lose weight. She is trying to lose as well. This is not about me being in denial about being 2 stones overweight. She admitted that I haven't gained since the last time she saw me (I got a bit paranoid and asked her if that is what she meant). So there was no need for her to say it. Perhaps it was a rather clumsy way in to discuss her own issues with her weight.

I would imagine she didn’t mean anything by it and it was just (in her view) a follow on of previous conversations about weight.

But you’re the one who knows her so you can gauge it a lot better than any of us can.