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Original poster

Friend said she can see I've gained weight

83 replies

SatOnaHotTinRoof · 26/08/2025 21:10

I was out with a friend the other night and, at the end of our time together, as I got up to leave, she said that she could see I have put on weight. Just out of the blue. We hadn't discussed weight issues, hadn't said a word about trying to lose weight, which we would both like to do. She had bumped into me a few weeks ago and I wondered if I seemed to have gained weight since then, but she said no. She did apologise eventually, but I can't stop thinking about it. I need to get it out of my head, but I keep wondering why she said it. I guess I will never know, but I keep thinking that she wanted me to feel bad about myself. And I had been feeling so good about myself that day and comfortable with what I was wearing etc.

When I initially asked her what made her say it her response was that it was the truth and she said that I must have an issue with my weight if her question upset me. I guess I do have an issue with my weight, but I think i have more of an issue with so-called "friends" who do this kind of thing and expect you just to accept it. She then did the classic thing of saying that it is unhealthy to be overweight. I told her that I had just had blood tests from my GP and that he said they were fine. She is about the same size as me and hasn't had tests from her GP.

I am a couple of stones overweight and am size 12 (which I guess appears more like a 14 when you are short like me).

Am I being unreasonable to think that she was out of order to comment on my weight like that?

OP posts:
Didimum · 27/08/2025 08:07

You don’t need to have weight issues to think someone is a dick for giving you unsolicited comments on your body. Was that meant to be feeble justification?

OleanderBoat · 27/08/2025 08:09

you know that this is about her and not you.

She knew she was being rude yet went ahead. Everybody knows that you do
not comment on someone’s weight.

My life philosophy of not ever commenting on anyone’s weight or asking if they are trying for babies, is one that I wish everyone would adopt.

I would distance yourself from her. This says a lot about her as a person.

Ficklebricks · 27/08/2025 08:12

Just reflect her energy back at her.

"I see you've got a new wrinkle on your face today" (or whatever she would find annoying to hear)

Then when she gets offended say "oh it's just the truth, you must be too sensitive".

Thebigonesgetaway · 27/08/2025 08:12

Surprised at the people who think she was in some way trying to be helpful. My take is you felt good, you looked good, comfortable in your skin, and she wasn’t feeling that about herself, so decided to bring you down a peg or two. However she can’t admit that obviously, that she was being a bitch. Personally I’d pretend to let it go, then see her a couple of times, act fine, and then when she’s least expecting it I’d blurt out, gosh you really are putting on a lot of weight aren’t you. Obviously with the head tilt and concerned look. Then say you thought you should say as she was very clear she’d be good with that, act innocent.

revenge is a dish best served cold.

Iwasphotoframed · 27/08/2025 08:20

What people say and do is largely about themselves. Your fried focusing on your weight tells you about her own insecurities that she is projecting onto you.

Try not to take her words personally but her lack of empathy and lack of a filter and lack of ability to take responsibility for her own feelings would probably make me recategorise the level of our friendship downwards. When someone does something like that it reveals a darker part of their personality and we all have dark parts/flaws but if you don’t own your darkness you take it out on others.

Willoo · 27/08/2025 08:23

Tbh I’d prefer to be told I was putting weight on as I can never see it myself

kleverklogs · 27/08/2025 08:28

The adult in me suggests you let this friendship fizzle, she’s not a true friend. Taking delight in another’s discomfort is a sign of horrible self-esteem, she’s probably a miserable person if that’s how she gets her kicks.

The bitchy teenager in me suggests that you use this as the fire to fuel your weight loss, make losing that weight your mission, put off seeing her for a while until you know you are thinner than she is. Then say how fantastic you feel, compared to before when you were like she is now, and give her loads of health advice and tips. 😈

If you want to take it to top-level bitchy-ness, invite her out and tell her you have to pre-order (common around Christmas). Encourage her to treat herself. When you meet, you’ll be eating a healthy salad while she tucks into a monster meal. But maybe that’s taking it too far…

limescale · 27/08/2025 08:37

Willoo · 27/08/2025 08:23

Tbh I’d prefer to be told I was putting weight on as I can never see it myself

Don’t your clothes feel more snug.
Anyway, I presume those close to you know that you are happy to be told this so it’s not the same as OP.

JustMyView13 · 27/08/2025 08:58

You can quickly drop between 60-100kg (maybe more?) in weight by ditching her as a ‘friend’.

Original poster
SatOnaHotTinRoof · 27/08/2025 09:03

Willoo · 27/08/2025 08:23

Tbh I’d prefer to be told I was putting weight on as I can never see it myself

But I haven't gained weight since she last saw me.

Also, I know when I have gained weight because I weigh myself.

OP posts:
MJMaude · 27/08/2025 09:05

Willoo · 27/08/2025 08:23

Tbh I’d prefer to be told I was putting weight on as I can never see it myself

Another person absolutely cannot see that you have gained weight before your waistbands tell you.

These justifications for "telling it like it is" (or isn't in the OP's case) are all so ridiculous.

ShodAndShadySenators · 27/08/2025 09:06

Willoo · 27/08/2025 08:23

Tbh I’d prefer to be told I was putting weight on as I can never see it myself

But OP was aware that she feels overweight. She didn't need to be told. Even if you don't weigh yourself you can tell by the fit of your regular clothes whether you're gaining or losing weight (or staying the same).

This "friend" of OP's is no friend, and with her lack of filter and social skills, she's going to end up with fewer and fewer friends. She seemed to just want to drag OP down for whatever warped reason she had.

I wouldn't be rushing to meet up with her again, nobody needs that kind of negativity in their lives.

KiteFlight · 27/08/2025 09:11

I hate people who claim to “say it as it is”, I think you should have just said “funny you should say that, I was just thinking the same about you”.
I used to internalise peoples nasty comments, but now I look a bit closer at the person that’s saying the nasty comment - nasty comments hardly ever come from somebody who is perfect themselves.

dottiedodah · 27/08/2025 09:23

This reminds me of a thread recently of a lady who hadnt seen her friend for a long while ."Friend" sent her WW articles ,and said she was "worried" about how much heavier she seemed,than she remembered! I mean WTF! Im sorry OP ,but you need some new friends who arent bitchy.I think some women are still ,even though we are supposed to be supportive of one another .I could lose a couple of stone myself!(who couldnt?) but my friend doenst make nasty snide comments .She supports me .The other day I got into the lift .The lady coming out, smiled and commented that she liked my dress! Really gave me a good feeling (she was young with a baby and I am early 60s )Thank you if you are on here.

IdontgiveaFork · 27/08/2025 10:45

At one place I worked at a woman used to write down what I was eating . She was nasty to me in general and when I left the workplace she told someone that she was glad I had gone as me being so slim caused her stress every time she looked at me . Weight and body shape are a massive trigger for women .

suki1964 · 27/08/2025 23:24

MJMaude · 27/08/2025 07:55

Absolute nonsense. The photos you deleted were telling you this and you didn't want to hear it. Your friends raising your weight would have been no better received. The idea that people gaining weight don't know and need to be told is frankly ridiculous.

Show quote history

How is it absolute nonsense? I admit I didn't have, avoided photos and deleted photos so I didn't have to face it

Not one single "friend" pulled me up. Let me carry on in my cocoon of self denial

I wish one had the guts to tell me what I was hiding from

Do you not understand you can pull the wool over your own eyes, it often needs being pointed out to you

healthybychristmas · 27/08/2025 23:39

She chose to say this on a day when you were feeling good about yourself. That tells you something doesn't it?

IShouldNotCoco · 28/08/2025 08:27

She doesn’t sound like a friend at all. It’s rude to comment on anyone’s weight - whatever the case.

WonderingWanda · 28/08/2025 08:35

She sounds like a smug, judgemental twat who thinks that she is helpfuly pointing it out to you as if you didn't know already. Heaven forbid something happens in her life which results in difficult to manage weight. She's like those friends who smugly tell you their child sleeps through the night because they did x routine, or eats all foods because they followed x routine.....with no concept that it wasn't necessarily something they did, just sheer luck.

MyLimeGuide · 28/08/2025 08:43

What a mega bitch. You dont need this toxic person in your life OP, she sounds like a school bully.

yellowbuzzybee · 28/08/2025 08:43

Continue with your weight loss, top up with monjaro or whatever it’s called. When you see her next, say ‘woah, you’re looking like a real fatty these days’’

childofthe607080s · 28/08/2025 08:43

Well it is unhealthy to be overweight however fine your blood tests

we have a problem talking about weight - something that kills people, something that costs the NHS billions , something that is a key part of the reason why we have the most unhealthy population in Europe with its direct knock on effects on productivity , the economy and the NHS , it’s costing tax payers a fortune - yet its soo rude to mention it

we need to grow up and lose our sensitivity
being overweight is bad
i know it’s fucking hard to do anything about
but not talking about it certainly won’t help

next time - use it as a opening to your general state of health and mind - why are you overeating/eating badly/not getting exercise. Why can’t you have sufficient self esteem that you prioritise your own health. Perhaps talking about the problems could help to solve them

MyLimeGuide · 28/08/2025 09:12

childofthe607080s · 28/08/2025 08:43

Well it is unhealthy to be overweight however fine your blood tests

we have a problem talking about weight - something that kills people, something that costs the NHS billions , something that is a key part of the reason why we have the most unhealthy population in Europe with its direct knock on effects on productivity , the economy and the NHS , it’s costing tax payers a fortune - yet its soo rude to mention it

we need to grow up and lose our sensitivity
being overweight is bad
i know it’s fucking hard to do anything about
but not talking about it certainly won’t help

next time - use it as a opening to your general state of health and mind - why are you overeating/eating badly/not getting exercise. Why can’t you have sufficient self esteem that you prioritise your own health. Perhaps talking about the problems could help to solve them

I disagree with all of this. She is size 12? Are you saying she is unhealthy and she must be humiliated by a "friend" to get her to lose weight? People know how big or small they are, fat shaming can have a HUGE impact on mental health, self esteem, it can cause eating disorders - lifelong severe problems.

MyLimeGuide · 28/08/2025 09:15

WonderingWanda · 28/08/2025 08:35

She sounds like a smug, judgemental twat who thinks that she is helpfuly pointing it out to you as if you didn't know already. Heaven forbid something happens in her life which results in difficult to manage weight. She's like those friends who smugly tell you their child sleeps through the night because they did x routine, or eats all foods because they followed x routine.....with no concept that it wasn't necessarily something they did, just sheer luck.

Or when women on mumsnet say, in response to someone in a bad relationship "my partner would never do that, he treats me like a princess and gives me everything" etc, those women are sooooooo annoying!!

Visun · 28/08/2025 14:23

kleverklogs · 27/08/2025 08:28

The adult in me suggests you let this friendship fizzle, she’s not a true friend. Taking delight in another’s discomfort is a sign of horrible self-esteem, she’s probably a miserable person if that’s how she gets her kicks.

The bitchy teenager in me suggests that you use this as the fire to fuel your weight loss, make losing that weight your mission, put off seeing her for a while until you know you are thinner than she is. Then say how fantastic you feel, compared to before when you were like she is now, and give her loads of health advice and tips. 😈

If you want to take it to top-level bitchy-ness, invite her out and tell her you have to pre-order (common around Christmas). Encourage her to treat herself. When you meet, you’ll be eating a healthy salad while she tucks into a monster meal. But maybe that’s taking it too far…

Edited

Yes, the smart, healthy thing to do is ditch her and forget about her.

The petty side of me would want to lose weight and rub her nose in it. I'd also go in with the faux concern. "I don't mean to be rude, but it looks like you've found the weight I've lost!! Is everything OK?" 😈