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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL called me uptight for refusing to drive DC without a car seat

88 replies

getoutofmyhead · 26/08/2025 15:49

We’re on holiday in France at my in-laws house. Yesterday FIL called me uptight because I refused to drive my 5yo to the beach without her car seat. His bright idea was to stick her on a cushion with the seatbelt. 🙄

Obviously a total non-negotiable for me, she doesn’t travel without a proper seat. Since then FIL hasn’t spoken to me despite me smiling out a big « bonjour » at breakfast, DH has now fallen out with him too, and the whole atmosphere is vile.

I’ve kept my head down because I’ll probably say something I regret, but I’m at the point of booking a nearby Airbnb just to save the holiday.

AIBU to think this whole thing is utterly ridiculous?

OP posts:
mamagogo1 · 26/08/2025 15:54

Ya definitely nu!

it’s the sort of craziness my ex in laws tried 20 years ago, I thought people had learned

Newgirls · 26/08/2025 15:56

Why don’t you have a car seat for her? Was it in your own car?

Bitzee · 26/08/2025 15:57

God that sounds awful. Obviously you’re not being unreasonable. Travelling without would be illegal. Do you not have a car seat with you though? I just would have stuck the booster in the car and then been ‘sorted, beach time’ so there was no debate to be had. But if it’s the silent treatment a day later over something so ridiculous and DH is in agreement definitely go and decamp to an air bnb to salvage the rest of the holiday.

chunkybear · 26/08/2025 16:02

Is it possible to walk to the beach? Can you buy a car seat whilst you’re there to use for DC? I wouldn’t drive without a car seat either no matter how much he grumps as it’s dangerous for the child

dementedpixie · 26/08/2025 16:04

Do you have a seat you can use there?

Original poster
getoutofmyhead · 26/08/2025 16:04

Yes, we do have a car seat. It was in MIL’s car as she left earlier in the morning to the beach (an hour away). Which is fine — no beach then, we just stayed local

OP posts:
MageQueen · 26/08/2025 16:04

The bit I don't understand is why has this blown up so spectacularly. You think he's ridiculous, he think syou're unreasonable, in any normal family situation you'd both state your views, he'd roll his eyes at you as you'd win (parent wins over grandparent) and the whole thing just goes away.

So I assume there's way more to this story and the bad relationship?

Newgirls · 26/08/2025 16:05

So it was a cock up of logistics rather than him being awful? He was trying to suggest a solution?

im rarely on side of old blokes but not sure this was his fault really?

BrentfordForever · 26/08/2025 16:07

YANBU for the car seat comment but YABU for staying with in laws especially for a holiday !!!

FollowSpot · 26/08/2025 16:07

Newgirls · 26/08/2025 16:05

So it was a cock up of logistics rather than him being awful? He was trying to suggest a solution?

im rarely on side of old blokes but not sure this was his fault really?

The problem is that he called the OP uptight because she refused to drive her child an hour away without a car seat, and he is now refusing to be civil with her.

Iwasphotoframed · 26/08/2025 16:08

Let his son deal with him. He sounds like he is able to see your side.

UnlimitedBacon · 26/08/2025 16:10

Anyone calling me uptight because I refuse to ignore the most basic safety requirements for children, when driving, would get a mouthful from me.

anytipswelcome · 26/08/2025 16:11

Newgirls · 26/08/2025 16:05

So it was a cock up of logistics rather than him being awful? He was trying to suggest a solution?

im rarely on side of old blokes but not sure this was his fault really?

Huh? She isn’t upset he made a suggestion. She’s upset he called her uptight and is now ignoring her since doing so, despite her being friendly… I’m not sure how you’ve missed that and landed on him being reasonable.

Newgirls · 26/08/2025 16:20

He did say morning bonjour or something? Yes of course he shouldn’t say uptight. Op it just sounds like going away with in-laws was a bad idea.

Muffinmam · 26/08/2025 16:20

Book alternative accommodation.

There’s no way you should have to put up with his behaviour.

autumncalling · 26/08/2025 16:24

Sounds like a generational thing. Car seats have only been a legal requirement since 2006 so he may not have used them for his kids. Not so long ago, sitting on a cushion would have been totally normal. Doesn't make him right but you could try explaining instead of rolling your eyes like you think he's an idiot.

Autumnnow · 26/08/2025 16:39

autumncalling · 26/08/2025 16:24

Sounds like a generational thing. Car seats have only been a legal requirement since 2006 so he may not have used them for his kids. Not so long ago, sitting on a cushion would have been totally normal. Doesn't make him right but you could try explaining instead of rolling your eyes like you think he's an idiot.

Absolutely not. My late mum always had car seats for grandkids to meet the current regs. She was born in 1933. Me and DH always have correct seats for grandkids too and we are now bloody ancient. In fact I don't know anyone of my generation who transports kids illegally or unsafely.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/08/2025 16:40

autumncalling · 26/08/2025 16:24

Sounds like a generational thing. Car seats have only been a legal requirement since 2006 so he may not have used them for his kids. Not so long ago, sitting on a cushion would have been totally normal. Doesn't make him right but you could try explaining instead of rolling your eyes like you think he's an idiot.

He's had 20 years to get used to the idea then. Does he think its OK to ignore any other motoring regulations that came in after 2006.

Calling her uptight and sulking about the fact that she didn't jump to obey him, is not on.

Minxny · 26/08/2025 16:45

We've had this disagreement with grandparents too. I swear my dad still thinks I was being precious and ridiculous. But he is now talking to me.

ButSheSaid · 26/08/2025 16:45

I wouldn't be in the same building as anyone who chose to stonewall me. Been there, done that, never again.

Book somewhere actually enjoyable for your holiday and your husband can tell his sulking father why.

Stonewalling and sulking because he wants to endanger his grandchild? Gross.

Needmorelego · 26/08/2025 16:49

What's the law in France? I assume legally 5 year olds need them like they do here.
Would he be the one driving?
If this applies in France then point it out to him - it's the LAW and whoever the driver is will be the one getting in trouble if they are stopped.

Bitzee · 26/08/2025 16:51

Needmorelego · 26/08/2025 16:49

What's the law in France? I assume legally 5 year olds need them like they do here.
Would he be the one driving?
If this applies in France then point it out to him - it's the LAW and whoever the driver is will be the one getting in trouble if they are stopped.

Similar to the UK- 135cm or age 10 to travel without

LittleBitofBread · 26/08/2025 16:53

He can fuck off. He clearly has a very fragile male ego. I'd absolutely book somewhere else and enjoy a peaceful holiday without him.

Needmorelego · 26/08/2025 16:54

Bitzee · 26/08/2025 16:51

Similar to the UK- 135cm or age 10 to travel without

Show quote history

There you go @getoutofmyhead. Point this out to him.
Ask him what other driving laws he is happy to break. Drink driving maybe? Going 100 miles per hour?

soupyspoon · 26/08/2025 16:57

FollowSpot · 26/08/2025 16:07

The problem is that he called the OP uptight because she refused to drive her child an hour away without a car seat, and he is now refusing to be civil with her.

Show quote history

He smiled at her and said bonjour in the morning. How is that refusing to be civil.

If the law is the same in France then no you cant travel without a car seat. If its not against the law, then you have to make a judgement about how safe or otherwise you feel

Ive only just learned that you dont need car seats in taxis in the UK.