FIL called me uptight for refusing to drive DC without a car seat

[getoutofmyhead]

We’re on holiday in France at my in-laws house. Yesterday FIL called me uptight because I refused to drive my 5yo to the beach without her car seat. His bright idea was to stick her on a cushion with the seatbelt. 🙄

Obviously a total non-negotiable for me, she doesn’t travel without a proper seat. Since then FIL hasn’t spoken to me despite me smiling out a big « bonjour » at breakfast, DH has now fallen out with him too, and the whole atmosphere is vile.

I’ve kept my head down because I’ll probably say something I regret, but I’m at the point of booking a nearby Airbnb just to save the holiday.

AIBU to think this whole thing is utterly ridiculous?

Who is right about the car seats (OP is) and the exact shades of meaning of the word "uptight" are missing the point.

People argue about stuff. Adults should be able to move past that, not stop talking to each other. Perhaps car seats are a particular trigger because as a young(ish) adult it might be the first time you are directly overruling your parent or in law. There is no space for compromise.

Still, it's been a while now. Perhaps it's all resolved.

You did miss my point but I'm not going to explain it a third time. You also seem to have missed me saying that he wasn't right to behave as he did... Oh to live in a world where people actually read the posts they are replying to!

I haven’t missed your point.
I disagree with what you are saying 🤷‍♀️

Apart from telling me I am making excuses for the FIL, you haven't said anything that contradicts my views. So I'm not really sure what you disagree with.

I didn't blame the OP and I agree with you that the FIL was rude and disrespectful. (The tone of OPs posts suggest she doesn't respect him either though.) Of course the OP doesn't have to explain herself but it might diffuse the situation if she did. Given she is on holiday with this man, I think that might be worth a try. Things have changed a lot in the last couple of generations and it's hardly surprising that not all grandparents have complete up to date knowledge of car seat laws. Yes I'm sure he is capable of looking them up but it would take seconds for OP to explain why she (rightly) insists on using one.

OP is right and FIL is wrong. OP could just let FIL be a sulky git and allow the whole thing to become a much bigger deal than it really needs to be. Or she could be the bigger person and initiate an adult conversation about the issue. Both are valid choices. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thank you all for your support. You’re absolutely right. You won’t catch me holidaying with my in-laws anytime soon, lesson learnt. We’re being civil for now for the sake of everyone, but there’s definitely still a bit of bitterness in the air! The indecency of not recognising when someone has crossed a line is unbelievable (FIL) and the silence of the rest of the family either tacitly approving the behaviour or simply avoiding conflict, only makes it worse! Bye bye France!

Legally a child doesn't need a car seat in ANY taxi, in the UK, unless the driver provides one

My FIL did suggest putting ds in the car without a car seat, I said ‘no it’s illegal’ he subsided, end of scene. The problem is your FIL’s reaction. Still, on the positive side you know you aren’t going to do more holidays with them. I did ten years of holidays with the in-laws and the minor irritations certainly did build up.

I would say that if the beach was just down the road then fine. But an hour long journey without a car seat….no way!

Incorrect: OP smiled the <bonjour>, not the sulky FIL!

I mostly find how much this has escalated unreasonable. He made the suggestion, you said no that should have been an end to it.
A few months ago my FIL offered me and DD a lift home, I said thanks for the offer but we better not without a car seat and that was the end of it. He’s quite headstrong and even he knew that wasn’t the hill to die on.
More recently a friend was supposed to be driving us to a park but she forgot her extra car seat. She suggested putting her son in a regular seat I said I didn’t feel comfortable putting her in that position and that was the end of it.

It’s illegal in the U.K. - is it illegal in France? If not, it ought to be!

Tell him to only travel without putting on his seat belt. What an idiot. A generational gap is no excuse for stupidity, ignore him, your job is to keep your child safe.

He might want reminding of the law too (I'm sure it applies in most places around the world).

I remember when I was first pregnant in the early 90s, my MIL telling me how lucky I was that I now didn't have to wear a seatbelt! 🙄