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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex's gf buying DD back to school uniform

95 replies

Holibobby · 26/08/2025 12:39

I messaged ex asking if he would buy my DDs school uniform as our car broke this week so Im without a car all week. He said yes. When DD returned home this morning she said you dont need to get my uniform now, dads gf has bought me it all, shoes, skirts, top etc.

AIBU to feel hurt by this? If he couldn't go and get it surely he could have told me and i would have asked relative or friend to take us to go get it. He was very controlling when we were together and I think he gets a kick out of this sort of thing. I don't have a problem with the woman as uunderstand she's just being nice, but still i feel its overstepping my toes.

Im not sure if i should say something to him.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 26/08/2025 12:42

Yes, Yabu.

as long as it all fits and your daughter is happy with it I wouldn’t care.

god I hate school uniform shopping.

Ballardz · 26/08/2025 12:43

But you asked him to sort it… So how is this him being controlling?

ninjahamster · 26/08/2025 12:44

Ya you are being unreasonable. You asked him to sort it and it is sorted.

Snorlaxo · 26/08/2025 12:44

Yabu

Are you sure it’s not because he hates shopping (like many men do) while she didn’t mind shopping (like many women don’t) ?

Mumofteenandtween · 26/08/2025 12:44

The only thing you say to your ex is “can you thank Susie for getting all Lucy’s uniform. It was so kind of her.”

If your ex did it to upset / control you then it will piss him off like hell that rather than upset you as he was aiming for you are all happy that she has saved you a job.

If it was done for nice reasons then a thank you is appropriate.

PollyBell · 26/08/2025 12:45

Say what? you got what you asked for, how is it controlling?

Sunat45degrees · 26/08/2025 12:46

What is the issue here? You aske dhim to buy school uniform and he got it done. You can't control HOW he does it. He could have done it online. He could have asked his mum to help. He could have done a deal with another family to just buy two of everything. In this case, his girlfriend sorted it. Seems perfectly reasonable.

Finteq · 26/08/2025 12:47

I can't see an issue

You asked him to get it and they've sorted it.

Wish she'd get my kids unifrom

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 26/08/2025 12:47

Its just clothes. You needed it done, it's done.
It doesn't have to be this big symbolic thing.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/08/2025 12:47

You asked for uniform, you were given uniform.
were you asked for payment for it ? it doesn't sound like it

so win win - you now have uniform, and you didn't pay for it

if someone had driven you, as your car is broken, then you would have had to pay for it

Scarlettpixie · 26/08/2025 12:48

You asked him to sort it and he did. I don’t see the problem. How is this controlling?It was nice of the gf. Just send them a message to say thanks. He could have just said no!

YetanotherNC25 · 26/08/2025 12:48

YABVU Your DC has uniform that you haven’t had to trawl the shops to find or pay for. Why is this a problem?
I think this is more about ex’s GF building a relationship with your DC, not the uniform purchase. She sounds kind and you should say thank you. It’s not easy to process change but you will have to get used to it or you’ll look like the controlling one.

MellowPinkDeer · 26/08/2025 12:50

Why would you be hurt when she has been so kind??? Seriously? Poor gf can’t win!!

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/08/2025 12:50

What could you possibly say to him about it?

If you’re right that he does get a kick out of it, then the best thing to do is absolutely nothing beyond a polite thank you to the girlfriend. Absolutely no benefit at all in giving him any kind of reaction.

And if you’re wrong, and this wasn’t done to irritate you (because tbh even if he loves to be a dick, I don’t see why it would cross his mind that this would irritate you), then you’re going to seem weird and ungrateful. You asked him to sort the uniform, and the uniform has been sorted.

If he’s palming off tedious bits of parenting to his girlfriend, then that’s her problem to solve.

Coulddowithanap · 26/08/2025 13:03

Not sure what your issue is? You asked for uniform to be bought and it has.

Original poster
Holibobby · 26/08/2025 13:04

Ok, thank you for replies, i realise from what's been said here that I ABU.

OP posts:
Kbroughton · 26/08/2025 13:05

But he didn't even tell you. Your DD did. So I don't see how this is him being controlling. If anything you sound a bit controlling - controlling how he should buy a uniform in a specific way and in no other way. Maybe you need to have some support in getting over this as more will come, and being a co parent is hard. I have to co parent with my exH and the woman he left me for so it's not easy! I went to counselling for over a year to get support in managing my feelings so they didnt hurt my DD. I am a step mum now and I often do things for my SD as well as DD. That's being a good step parent.

TheCurious0range · 26/08/2025 13:05

I think it shows his colours a bit, but that's not your problem anymore. I think it's very nice of the gf to help get get what she needs and she hasn't trodden on any toes, you said to your ex you couldn't do it. Maybe he was struggling for time or maybe GF just offered. I'd just be pleased the other adult in my child's life was good to her

ipickedupapen · 26/08/2025 13:08

Maybe she took her but he gave her the money. I do it for my step children often.

Theunamedcat · 26/08/2025 13:13

More fool her for taking on wife work thank her via him and via your daughter just so she gets the thank you message if he is as bad as you think he won't pass it along

DurinsBane · 26/08/2025 13:15

As people have said, you asked him to sort it. His gf got it, that isn’t much different from him getting it, is it?

Coconutter24 · 26/08/2025 13:38

If it was your DD that told you about the uniform I don’t see how that’s controlling? He didn’t text you straight away to rub your face in it. You asked him to get the uniform and your DD comes home with uniform. What’s the issue? He might of paid for it but his gf took her shopping to get them 🤷‍♀️ even if the gf did pay for it just be lucky that your DD has another person to look out for her

incognitomouse · 26/08/2025 13:42

YABU. I can't see what it has got to do with being controlling. At the end of the day, your DD needed uniform, she now has it - goal achieved. Really shouldn't matter who got it and I'd be grateful that my ex's GF was supportive and happy to help out. The issue here is yours.

Clarasmum444 · 26/08/2025 13:50

I wish dd's dad or girlfriend would buy her uniform!

alwaysthesamechild · 26/08/2025 13:54

Assuming there’s not a backstory about the girlfriend. It sounds like she was helping out. Perhaps she knew what to get?
It’s quite likely that the dad gave the money to the girlfriend anyway. And she just facilitated it

Assuming she’s not weird or there’s a backstory kids need more adults in their lives. I’d be grateful if my kids stepmother did something like this.

see if you can get her to name it all while you’re at it!