Page 2 | Ex's gf buying DD back to school uniform

ComfortFoodCafe · 26/08/2025 13:57

Yabu. You asked, you recieved. Whats to grumble over?

Pinepeak2434 · 26/08/2025 14:41

This wouldn’t bother me at all. In fact I’d appreciate it. In the early days of my relationship with my husband, I used to be the one choosing things for his nephew and nieces for Christmas and that might include clothes. I just knew what things to get.

MzHz · 26/08/2025 14:49

Mumofteenandtween · 26/08/2025 12:44

The only thing you say to your ex is “can you thank Susie for getting all Lucy’s uniform. It was so kind of her.”

If your ex did it to upset / control you then it will piss him off like hell that rather than upset you as he was aiming for you are all happy that she has saved you a job.

If it was done for nice reasons then a thank you is appropriate.

If he’s doing this to wind you up, so what!?

wind him up right back! Be gushing with your thanks.

have you any idea how much money they’ve saved you?

itsgettingweird · 26/08/2025 14:53

You asked him to sort it - he did

He may have paid for it and just asked his GF to take DD as he was busy? Or perhaps thought another woman would be better at helping her choose styles etc and so better for your DD?

Skybluepinky · 26/08/2025 15:13

You feel bad because you think the step mum will think you aren’t a good mum.
It was kind for her to do it, and something you need to learn to live with.

BauhausOfEliott · 26/08/2025 15:26

You had a problem. He fixed your problem for you.

I strongly doubt you'd be complaining if (eg) his mother or sister had sorted the uniform for him. You just feel weird about it because it's his partner. But you need to move past that I think. To be perfectly honest, I think it was bloody good of her to do it!

The number of posts we see on here saying things like 'I asked Ex-H to sort our DD's uniform/swimming lessons/birthday party booking/whatever and he said he didn't have time, what a shit dad, he's now created a load of extra work for me and I'm going to have to ask my mum and dad to do it which is unfair on them etc' are huge, so I would just be grateful that when you asked him to sort something, it was sorted. It doesn't really matter who did the shopping - it's done and your DD's happy with it.

myglowupera · 26/08/2025 16:10

BauhausOfEliott · 26/08/2025 15:26

You had a problem. He fixed your problem for you.

I strongly doubt you'd be complaining if (eg) his mother or sister had sorted the uniform for him. You just feel weird about it because it's his partner. But you need to move past that I think. To be perfectly honest, I think it was bloody good of her to do it!

The number of posts we see on here saying things like 'I asked Ex-H to sort our DD's uniform/swimming lessons/birthday party booking/whatever and he said he didn't have time, what a shit dad, he's now created a load of extra work for me and I'm going to have to ask my mum and dad to do it which is unfair on them etc' are huge, so I would just be grateful that when you asked him to sort something, it was sorted. It doesn't really matter who did the shopping - it's done and your DD's happy with it.

It does matter depending on the reasons why he didn’t go out and it.
If it’s a case of he couldn’t be bothered or “women are better at this sort of thing” or it’s boring and he wants to go to the gym instead then he’s a red flag for the girlfriend and it won’t be long before he gets her to make his DD’s tea or take her to school because it’s more convenient for the girlfriend to do it.
Working parents manage to go out and get it so I’m not even sure work is an excuse for him either.

My ex would definitely make up excuses to not go out and buy uniform and if he had a gf he would definitely be planning for her to go out and do it if I asked him to do it.

@Holibobby I know your car broke but unless you live rurally do you have access to public transport? My family member’s car broke and he suddenly couldn’t go out anywhere because he didn’t have a car. You definitely should be able to rely on your child’s father to help in difficult circumstances but you still had options if you have other ways to get to the shops.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 26/08/2025 17:47

Its you that seems controlling - wanting control in your ex's life.

Navigatinglife100 · 26/08/2025 17:50

Don't overthink this.

My initial reaction was what a lovely GF to do that. She may have only gone shopping not paid, but either way, that's really kind of her.

And he sorted the request you made.

Move on.

TY78910 · 26/08/2025 18:11

YABU, it’s important that your DD has a good relationship with ex’s new partner whether you like it or not. It’s safe, stable and secure. It was probably a nice bonding experience for them.

Whyamiherenow · 27/08/2025 18:02

Nobody knows your back story with your ex. I know I buy DSD a lot of clothes, more than her dad does really because she enjoys shopping with me and I tend to get it more right than her dad does. It might be innocent. Now DSD is 12 it is expensive for me though!

GiveDogBone · 27/08/2025 18:43

YABU. For many, many reasons.

Not least that when you split with your ex you lost all ability to tell him what to do with your daughter on his time (and obviously vice versa). I mean is his gf allowed to buy her a present, pay for a meal at a restaurant, buy her non-school clothes. Of course she is.

You’re just trying to control him from beyond the marriage / partnership and you have no more right to do that to him than he does to you.

Jade3450 · 27/08/2025 18:52

DurinsBane · 26/08/2025 13:15

As people have said, you asked him to sort it. His gf got it, that isn’t much different from him getting it, is it?

Of course it is.

Going against the grain here clearly, but I don’t think you’re BU at all OP.

This is the sort of thing a parent or grandparent does. I think she’s stepped on your toes.

Ange59 · 27/08/2025 18:53

Did she sew name labels in too ? If not send them round to their house with needle and thread lol

JayJayj · 27/08/2025 18:53

I get what you are saying. He clearly couldn’t be arsed to do it himself so asked his gf to do it.

I wouldn’t say anything though. She has her clothes so focus on that.

Richtea1234 · 27/08/2025 19:06

While I understand the thought of another woman getting your child’s school uniform is unsettling (and despite what people on here say, most would feel something other than good vibes about it), perhaps she only did as her partner asked. And as you know, many men will try and get out of daughter shopping with no other intentions behind it. So assume innocence first.
As you know your ex best, it could be a “dig” at you in some small way but regardless, it is best to take a step back.
The circumstances of your breakup (cheating etc), will determine if you thank this lady. If she played no part in your breakup, it would be appropriate to thank her. If you decide to do so, do NOT go through your ex, get a message to her separately.
If that is not possible, simply ask your daughter to pass on your thanks the next time she sees her (this strengthens trust with your daughter too).
The issue of your partner being controlling in the past is not his problem anymore because you have removed yourself from the situation and it never was his gf’s issue. What goes on between them is none of your business.
It is down to you to deal with any issues stemming from his controlling behaviour in the past and by that I mean to resolve the reasons you ended up with someone controlling. Then put esteem in
place to ensure any future relationship is healthy. And this will save your daughter from following the same pattern too when she is older. Your actions make your child, not what you say. Good luck.

DaisyChain505 · 27/08/2025 19:10

You are no longer in a relationship with this man so you no longer get to dictate who he spends time with and unfortunately who he has around your daughter (unless of course there was cause for concern with regards to neglect/abuse)

This woman clearly wants to make an effort with the daughter you should see it as a positive.

BlueyGreyWhale · 27/08/2025 19:13

I did it is a loving aunt. My sister is on a low income, and she said she was struggling to afford her child's uniform.

I asked for shoe size and bought new shoes. Pinafores shirts tights socks etc it was a novelty for me without school age children.

My sister was as pissed off as you and said she would rather I gave her a bank transfer so she could go and buy it.

I never did bother again.

LimbOnTheBranchBranchOnTheTreeTheTreeInTheBog · 27/08/2025 19:15

My dp (we don't live together or have any financial ties) bought half the uniform for my dc.

What's the issue? It's not a personal slight against you, it's someone doing something nice for your dd.

Moonnstars · 27/08/2025 19:16

Sorry I don't see the issue. I am perhaps assuming he did pay for the uniform like you wanted, but maybe it was easier for his gf to do this.
What is it you wanted from this situation? Did you want him to directly give you the money?
Or is it more that you wanted transport to get the uniform and him driving DD? In which case you could have got the bus (you mention something about if you knew the gf was going then you would have asked an Aunt).

Hmm1234 · 27/08/2025 19:31

Just be thankful she has new uniform coming from somewhere! If you think it’s one of those things where shes holding it over your head to be petty just message her and say

2to5 · 27/08/2025 19:40

It sounds like you are struggling with their relationship, you didn't have to ask him to get it really, it sounds like it was a test, you wanted to force dd and Dad to go together as a favour to you without GF and it backfired.
Next time do it online

stichguru · 27/08/2025 20:23

It's not overstepping - your ex had a job to do, your girlfriend helped him.

Deboragh · 27/08/2025 20:39

Holibobby · 26/08/2025 12:39

I messaged ex asking if he would buy my DDs school uniform as our car broke this week so Im without a car all week. He said yes. When DD returned home this morning she said you dont need to get my uniform now, dads gf has bought me it all, shoes, skirts, top etc.

AIBU to feel hurt by this? If he couldn't go and get it surely he could have told me and i would have asked relative or friend to take us to go get it. He was very controlling when we were together and I think he gets a kick out of this sort of thing. I don't have a problem with the woman as uunderstand she's just being nice, but still i feel its overstepping my toes.

Im not sure if i should say something to him.

I got my kids their school uniforms every year for 15 years without the aid of a car, buses work.

Anywherebuthere · 27/08/2025 20:41

Yabu.

You had a problem. He got it sorted. You can't control how he sorted that for you. But he hasn't done you a favour, he is being a parent, arranging the purchase of what your DD needed.

His girlfriend is his current partner so of course there will be things that he can and will ask her to do or she will volunteer to do to help him out. You don't get to have a say in that or control that.

If you think he's done this to wind you up, play him the same way. Don't give him the satisfaction of showing how you feel.

Your relationship as his wife/partner is over. You now need to co-parent amicably.