Ex's gf buying DD back to school uniform

[Holibobby]

I messaged ex asking if he would buy my DDs school uniform as our car broke this week so Im without a car all week. He said yes. When DD returned home this morning she said you dont need to get my uniform now, dads gf has bought me it all, shoes, skirts, top etc.

AIBU to feel hurt by this? If he couldn't go and get it surely he could have told me and i would have asked relative or friend to take us to go get it. He was very controlling when we were together and I think he gets a kick out of this sort of thing. I don't have a problem with the woman as uunderstand she's just being nice, but still i feel its overstepping my toes.

Im not sure if i should say something to him.

As do most people. Taxis and online shopping are also a thing.

This.
thank her directly if you can.
She will probably care for your daughter well for as long as she puts up with her Dad.

Or he had a valid reason of why he couldn't. But he still managed to make sure the DD has what she needs.

Most people would think having no car is no reason to not go shopping. There are alternatives. But that's OPS reason. Her ex may have had his valid reason too.

I buy my step daughters uniform every year, my DH works away and isn't as organised with what sizes and how much uniform each kid needs so it's easier for me to just get her uniform while I'm getting my own kids uniform, I've never even considered that her Mam might have a problem with it. Yabu.

Is he one of those lazy dads who can’t be bothered to do it or is too mean to fork out? Does the gf think if she’s a doormat he will think more of her?
The children are his responsibility and not his girlfriends. No I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

Saved you some money and one less thing to worry about. Just thank them both and move on.

You asked him to do it so you obviously wasn’t going to do it yourself - say thanks to her!

YABU, my partner (not my kids Dad) nipped out and picked up school uniform today without even being asked because he spotted it and knew I was planning on going. I wasn't annoyed, just grateful someone helped out. You asked him to get it and he's sorted it. Say thank you and move on.

I often get uniform for my DSC or anything else they need. DH leads on parenting but we are a team at the end of the day and I enjoy spending time with DSC. Not sure why it’s an issue.

I strongly doubt you'd be complaining if (eg) his mother or sister had sorted the uniform for him. You just feel weird about it because it's his partner. But you need to move past that I think. To be perfectly honest, I think it was bloody good of her to do it!

This. And noting that step mothers can’t win ….

First post nailed it!

Totally agree. If GF is close enough to XH and your DD to buy her school uniform you should have GF’s number so you can thank her yourself.

I bought my daughter new shoes when she spent last summer with me ( she lives with her dad and stepmum) on the way home in the car the stepmum threw the shoes I bought out of the car window and made my daughter carry on wearing scuffed and holey shoes that I’d sent back to save the aggro of “you threw her shoes away”
Don’t be that person, be thankful to the stepmum.

Be grateful the woman shows an interest in your daughter and is able to provide for her when her parents are unable to do so.

You should send her a thank you message.

I can understand the instinctive feelings that might come up of being being stepped over but your feelings are misdirected - they should be frustration that ex couldn’t get his act together enough to sort out uniform for his own child independently, not the partner that has stepped up and done it for a child that ultimately they are not responsible for. Equally though, you asked him to sort it, and - albeit through someone else - he did, so not sure what else you can really say 🤷‍♀️

And if he'd come back and said no,I can't afford it, you'd be moaning he doesn't pull his weight.

YABU
Uniform bought. End of story.

This has nothing to do with the uniform and everything to do with feeling insecure.

You don’t get to control or dictate how time is spent with her dad, or who he chooses to get to do what with her.

Give your head a shake, and thank the woman for making the effort with your daughter to ensure she has everything she needs for school.

Sorry YABU. You asked him to sort it and he did.

Absolutely this!

Sounds like a result to me. No hanging around in the school supplier queue for over an hour or the scramble in the supermarket/Sports Direct and it cost you nothing.

Can't see what the SM did wrong here - after all, why would she think you had lied about being unable to get uniform because your car was unavailable? She wasn't to know that you were actually perfectly capable of getting it.

Send her a little thank you note. Either by post or get your DD to hand it to her next visitation. Maybe use the first day back at school picture to thank them!..
then if he was doing it to upset you, you’ve sent a strong message that his games no longer effect you x

Where has op said she lied about car?

Did he pay @Holibobby or will he take it off your child support payment?

I dont see how this is controlling you asked as you had no car don't see why this stops you going to the shops unless there is zero public transport and ur miles upon miles away from shops kid has a uniform as requested what's the issue