To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

[Lissm]

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

They did go to the pub. Probably more so. Alcohol consumption in pubs is massively down over the 70s. This is why hundreds/thousands of pubs have closed. Alcohol consumption as a whole may not have changed so much, because these days a lot of people buy supermarket booze and drink at home rather than go down pubs. Back in the day you would get working class men going down the pub drinking 10 pints a night. That is pretty much unheard of these days as to do that you would pretty much bankrupt yourself.

Smoking is another one that has come down hugely, partly because of the health risks but also because the cost of smoking 20 a day has become extortionate. A lot of heavy smokers are getting their cigarettes illegally free of taxation these days.

Just the acknowledgment from a lot of boomers would be helpful - it’s the “we worked hard” as though previous and subsequent generations didn’t that is jarring.

But why is there such a stubborn refusal to acknowledge it? And saying it was easier doesn't mean it was easy.

Depends whether it's social or medical care. I know a lady who's care is fully funded via CHC despite the fact she has cash assets in excess of £1m, and monthly bank/pension/rental income over £5k. I know this because I complete her Tax Return. She's been in the home for a few months now and if she did have to pay it would cost £1700 a week. Personally (& I know I'm going to get flamed for this), I think she should be paying as her wealth is increasing whilst she's in the care home.

My mother loves to remind me she was mortgage free by 30… I didn’t buy my first house until after I hit 30! I’m of course still paying a mortgage too:

@GasPanic that's my understanding hence why I found it unusual a poster was claiming people only drank alcohol once a year.

Sorry, I didn't mean to quote you

Seriously? You have a thought disconnect there!

Try placing what I posted within it's time instead of pretending it had no impact!

My parents are of similar age and had similar jobs to yours. Their house has risen considerably in value (but not to that extent). My Dad paid into a good employer pension and they live comfortably on that- saving around 1000 a month.
My grandparents on both sides were the first generation to buy their own houses (thanks to right to buy) so my parents are the first to get considerable inheritances, especially as they are both only children.
They don't give us anything but we will of course inherit.
My life has been different to theirs though. Despite the fact it was much harder for me to get to a point of owning a house (I rented until my 30s), now I'm raising my own children life looks a lot different to my childhood.
Thanks to low pay and the mental interest rates of the 80s / early 90s we had a lot of second hand. We had cheap holidays, take aways were few and far between and eating out was a special occasion.
Life isn't like that for me now, we are much more comfortable and I consider that I had many opportunities that they didn't.
Yes they've been lucky in some ways financially but I think if I were to look back on my life when I hit my 70s I will see its been more comfortable than a big chunk of theirs.

Plus you only got child benefit when you had your second child. It was £1.30 I seem to remember.

My parents both worked incredibly hard and spent very little - I thought we were close to the breadline growing up. Turned out that wasn't the case at all and they gave me substantial help later on in life. This help has allowed us to be mortgage free before 50 which has let us save more than we ever thought possible considering we both have badly paid jobs.

We are operating in a similar fashion to my parents and saving hard and spending little so we can help our children out later on in life.

I really feel for people who don't have help. Before Mum & Dad stepped in we were spending all our money on rent because we couldn't get a mortgage to buy where we live (surprise surprise South East). Ever with their help we could only afford one house in our town (so it's the one we got) which had no heating at all and continued that way for years! So grateful we could buy though as it did give us security and a permanent home.

You are probably right @MaxandMeg . I remember mum waiting on the post office to open so she could go shopping for bread, beans etc. One shop a week and a bit put by for the milk man!

People of early generations had life harder for different reasons.

Culturally there was much more emphasis on savings. It was very uncommon for example to have a foreign holiday every year and if families did it was only one.

Nowadays people feel short changed if they don't get 2/3/4/5 foreign trips a year depending on income.

Manual work is a lot tougher and harder than most office jobs today etc etc.

There are also lots of changes that no one has any real control over like inflation, wars and so on. Personally (and I know you aren't talking about your parents given their age) I rather be less well off now than have lived through World War II as some well off elderly people I know did.

That really not true. Outside of housing, things were far more expensive than they are now.
My parents and PILs bought all my children's clothes, because we couldn't afford the prices. They're were no cheap imports, no cheap supermarket clothes, etc. We couldn't afford to eat out and our one treat was a weekly coffee at our local library's coffee bar. We didn't have a holiday until our first child was five years old. A week in a caravan in Wales, funded by our building society becoming a bank and giving us £70 in shares.

I consider myself vastly lucky to have bought a house when I did, and it troubles me hugely that my own daughters are have struggled in that regard, despite my help. But genuinely, relative to income, most household items, clothing, treats and food are massively cheaper and more accessible than they were in the 80s

I find it strange you feel resentment to your own parents. Maybe if your friends had super wealthy parents you might feel a twinge of envy.

In your position I would channel your concerns to whether the money will evaporise in future taxes or care home fees. Things out of your parents control.

General outview on life. My mum did help out in that she set up savings accounts for her grandchildren when they were born. But she also really acknowledged how different things were whereas MIL and her DH tended to waft through life rubbing their children’s noses in it that they were wealthy and we were not.

I do really like my MIL but her seeming obliviousness to this particular issue can be grating on occasion.

Sometimes all it takes is a bit of realisation.

Both women were/are pretty wealthy.

As a factory worker and a cashier, how on earth did they afford a 40k house in the (I'm assuming I admit) the late 70's/early 80s.

We bought our first home in 1986 for 28k. That house is worth about 550k now.

Was living at home with parents in a council flat. I still did pay mum something towards food, but yes, lived very cheaply for 2 years

She’s right in part, in terms of the amount of dosh swilling about, and the cost of goods now considered basic or essential to life, but yeah, it wasn’t as grim as all that.
(Maybe we all regard the time we were about 15-17 as the ideal time to have been alive. All the same, the early 1970s really were!)

In Ye Olden Times we had Mary Quant and Biba! Not just Miners, though they produced some terrific stuff. (Rimmel didn’t really register)
At about fifteen I had a very small weekly allowance but still it enabled me to get the train to London, or Oxford, and descend on The Original Laura Ashley™️ and come home with a pile of Indian cotton smocks.
(Blimey, clothes must have been really inexpensive. Ma was mad about fashion and we’d frequently all spend a Saturday traipsing around some town centre, in and out of boutiques, and we’d never come home without something new. This wasn’t lavish behaviour at all, neither was I in any way spoiled, nor Ma profligate. Things were affordable.)

We’d InterRail! Double Diamond party kegs! 🤢, and I certainly necked gallons of Babycham long before I was of 16. Fab fags too: looong American ones, bought from a nearby USAF base. (No Number 6 for me, baby!)

Pa took us (ie parents and 2 young teens) on hols round France alright, but it all was on a shoestring and in an extremely small car. (Anyway, you couldn’t take much money out of GB even if you could afford to in the late ‘60s, so you had to rough it rather)
One telly, one bathroom, no notion of a hoard of ‘snacks’ in the larder, and all meals eaten together. But we thought we had it pretty easy.

Mind you, one glaring difference I often think about is how my poor Ma ran the house alone, as though she were a SAHP, whereas she was a full time teacher with masses of work over and above the school day.
I remember she set up this proto-online shopping arrangement with a nearby independent shop, by phoning in the week’s list and they’d deliver it. I can’t recall helping with anything at all, and neither did Pa or my brother. I cringe to think of this.

Jaysus, got so carried away I’ve mislaid any point I started out with. 🙄
Maybe something about emphases and priorities having shifted most dramatically since OP’s parents’ younger days, to the extent that it’s now difficult to make useful comparisons.
No doubt a modern teenager would think my life in 1971 was little better than that of a Dickensian urchin (and all in grim black and white, no doubt!) and by god I’d not swap with him to be young now.
My father grew up in deep poverty in 1930/40s Ireland, lost his mother and sister to TB and his father to Fords in Dagenham, yet he always recalled these years as supremely happy. (Strange to relate, he received a terrific education, though the country was flat out poor, but it kept his head filled with wonder and a desire to keep on learning, I suppose, and he therefore had an escape valve)
But he used to say to me that despite his being utterly thrilled and enchanted to experience the wonders of the 1960s, like the Summer of Love in London, the Moon landing, colour tv, groovy boutiques and cafés full of beautiful people, great music, etc, he was very glad he’d been young in earlier decades.
I thought he was quite mad, but I understand him now.

God I hate this sort of blaming of younger generations for the shitty state of the economy left by the older lot. I'm neither old now young (44) but I can tell you that boomers aren't so different to the younger generations in their spending habits at the same age. It is absolutely just luck they've managed to build up so much wealth. A large part of which is being paid for by the younger lot. The least you could do is bloody acknowledge it.
We have 1 car for the family. It's 16 years old. We go on holiday most years. Once. We drink instant coffee. In fact my Boomer dad came round for lunch the other day and complained that we didnt have a fancy coffee machine, so our coffee isn't good enough for him.
DH and I both work full time, both higher rate tax payers. We live with our 2 kids in a 3 bed semi. We manage to save about £150 most months. That's it. And we're lucky really. Our kids won't have anywhere near as many "luxuries" as we do.

Your parents were fortunate but they also probably did without many of the things you take for granted. My parents, both teachers, had a house I'd never be able to afford and could save on their pensions. But they didn't have central heating, didn't spend money on meals out or takeaway sandwiches or coffees or getting nails or hair done, didn't have TV subscriptions, didn't buy ready meals, had very few clothes etc etc.

If you're both higher rate taxpayers, I wonder why you can only save £150 pm.

Was living at home with parents in a council flat. I still did pay mum something towards food, but yes, lived very cheaply for 2 years

A lot fewer council flats these days & many parents can't keep adult dc at home in them.

Pint of beer 1980 about 15p
Pint of beer 2025 about £5

Corrected for inflation 15p 1980 is now is worth about 65p

Average wage 1980 about £6000
Average wage 2025 about £38000

So wages up by 6x, beer up by 33x.

So not a great time for the beer drinker in a pub over the last 4 decades. It's become a factor of about 5-6 more expensive to drink the same amount relative to wages.

Your parents, like mine who are no longer with us, possibly worked additional jobs to their main careers and didn't have the same amount of expenditure which is the norm now, eg 2 cars per household, expensive phones and holidays etc. People of our parents' generation had a totally different concept of money and saving.

There's nothing to feel angry about and you should be very proud of your parents rather than resentful.

My in-laws' house is worth £850k now, but they bought it for £20k in 1972. They might move nearer us soon, so we'll see them more and obviously they will use some of that to fund their move, and their future finances.

My parents are also very well off, and have assets and a very good final salary pension for which my DF worked incredibly hard for and rose to the top of his profession as a highly regarded academic and professor.

I know there was also an element of luck, being born into the right generation, working hard and saving /sacrifices when necessary. But i always think it's still pretty hard for millennial aged people and younger to achieve any of these types of huge financial benefits since house prices may never rise that much again.

I don't begrudge my family though. Their money is rightfully theirs, and it's been earned through a combination of hard work and good fortune. It serves no purpose being resentful as it won't change anything now. I'm grateful to have happy and healthy family who can enjoy their grandchildren, that matters much more to me.