To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

[Lissm]

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

Great comment.
That generation grew up in very straitened times, compared to their children’s world.
Inheritance was nowhere near as common, or expected, as it is today.
The generation before them endured fear and deprivation which often marked them for life.
That ‘boomers’ (Christ I loathe that, it’s so hate-freighted!) therefore sought to build security and stability, with the new Welfare State (and free 3rd level ed) behind them, is hardly to be wondered at. Nobody wanted the misery and want of previous generations ever to recur.

That a house bought by the skin of a couple’s teeth in the mid-‘70s, say, is now worth a vastly inflated amount, is not down to parents manipulating the market, or indulging in crafty financial shenanigans; why, the early ‘70s oil crisis might well be regarded as a ‘back room’ strategy to boost inflation, increase unemployment and thereby bolster the flailing capitalist system, and the UK certainly copped it. (But all that’s another days rant!)

The OP clearly says ‘I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.’

Would you swap your life for theirs
They are near the end of their life
You are in the middle of yours
I bet you anything op
If they could swap their money for your extra years alive they would .
No one can control where or when they are born ...and that can have massive implications for our lives that we have very little control over

I feel the same OP. It’s hard not to feel bitter and resentful sometimes - as it feels there is no meritocracy anymore and you cannot “get on” in the same way.

I also wonder if the fact previous generations/others could gain “more for less”as it were is rubbish for our self esteem? As it must be better to know you worked hard and could achieve rather than inherited and/got things rather than handed money? I just think it’s all really sad that you can very rarely have the nice detached house and comfortable lifestyle without some sort of gifted wealth.

It’s also really bad for the economy and growth and society in general.

Your last sentence is exactly spot on! For me life is about quality of life!

Agree. There is some really poor comprehension on this thread. People wilfully twisting what the OP has said. Responding to what they have imagined rather than what is actually written.

How on earth are we supposed to have reasonable discussions with all this going on?

This graphic showing the difference in house price growth vs wage growth really shows just how difficult it is now

https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/s/hYUo5oWlHf

I understand your frustration OP. For those saying, “Won’t you inherit?”, have you thought that most of us want to be financially comfortable on our own merit and not only after awful losses??

I agree. I think too many people assume today that factory work was low paid in the past. Most factory workers were plumbers, painters, carpenters, mechanics etc, working for manufacturing companies outsourced today to China, US and the rest.

Most of those professionals are now working for themselves and getting incomes way higher than many people with university degrees.

It's what globalisation to get richer for a few has done for us all. It sent manufacturing jobs overseas and left us without the jobs essential to maintain a healthy middle class.

I think I’m slightly pre boomer. Mortgage only on DH's salary. He worked two jobs to boost his income on paper. £2.5k for our house. Honeymoon in a tent😀admittedly driving to Franc in an ancient car(1944) At one point interest was over 15%. My mother widowed but helped by buying sheets and pillows as a wedding present. Pils bought us bed and settee. All the rest came gradually . We now give away to dgc for university and help out as much as they will let us. People tend to last in nursing homes about 2-3 years. At one point my DH was working 122 hours. He retired before 60 as he was drained. We do know people who had it much easier but to be honest it’s always death and taxes in the end. I’m doing my best to avoid IHT.

Agree. There is some really poor comprehension on this thread.

It happens on every thread about older people.

My grandparents lived in council houses and left no inheritance.
My dad worked in manual labour and my mum was a sahp they bought their first house for 4k, sold t for 6k and bought their current house with2k deposit and 4k mortgage. Paid it off in ten years. They now have a house mortgage free worth a quarter of a million and about 200k in savings. They only have state pension no work or private and they save about 5k a year.
we are mid forties have 100k left to pay on our mortgage and about 15k insavings. We got our first house 0% deposit with 5% cashback and used the equity from that to buy our second home.
my dd recently bought her first house, she and her partner saved for two years for to raise 20k for deposit. Their mortgage is higher o their two bed terrace than my four Ed detached house

The cost of living in the 70’s was high - it was a period of high inflation. But consumption was lower and consumerism was only just starting. Ordinary people didn’t have stuff because there wasn’t stuff to buy. Most people only had one car and one tv. Food was expensive and ready meals were a novelty. Cars got fixed when they broke down. White goods lasted for decades. Housing was cheap but everything else was expensive. And the average person didn’t have access to cheap finance. Homes in the 70’s were basic as were family meals out and holidays.

No guarantee it won't go on care home fees anyway.

Almost identical thread a few weeks ago. It’s pointless feeling this kind of resentment - things have changed. They will doubtless change again. At least your parents can enjoy their retirement and you can feel happy for them.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith

The OP clearly says ‘I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.’

That's true but her title and the use of them as very specific examples does imply she feels bitterness towards them

That's pretty exceptional on their earnings - especially the savings and investments. Did they inherit? If not they must be bloody good with money to have all of those savings.

Some of the previous generation definitely had it better but not all by a far stretch. Sounds like your parents were in part very lucky - and you are too. The chances of all of that going before they die is lower than you inheriting a good sum.

Yes, your parents 'made out like bandits' - as did my PIL (FIL on salary approx £40-50K by today's standards and MIL a SAHM who never went back to work - retired young, very comfortable retirement in 4 bed detached home. Late silent generation. Minor inheritance from one side. FIL excellent pension. House worth £450K and savings of around £50K - so not as wealthy as your parents) but you're in a way better position to someone whose parents don't have all of that, so are your children. Potentially anyway.

My dad (early silent generation) had a mortgage free house by early forties (my mum died when I was a child, and mortgage got paid). He met and married a widow (her husband also died young, when their children were children) who also had a mortgage free house. In the space of ten years they managed to lose the whole lot by starting a business that failed. Now health not good enough to stay working. Ended up living in a rented one bed bungalow (paid for with housing benefit). To be fair to them I never heard them moan about it once. I paid for every meal out, did all the travelling to see them from 20 onwards - zero chance of living with them (rent free or otherwise) either! Mind you, PIL expect that too - that we pay for all hosting/meals out! My point is loads of people of your age have parents with very little money - they didn't all make out like bandits.

I am early fifties now and in a similar financial position to your parents but it certainly wasn't done on one person working a standard 37-40 hr week - it was two people doing 55+ hr weeks in, at times, fairly high stress jobs. We only had one child in part for financial reasons as we could see what was coming for their generation and we wanted to have the option to retire at 55. My generation was still bloody lucky though compared to our DC generation (I got a full grant and was able to pay off student loans by 30 and buy a starter home with no parental help at all by 25).

We've started passing on wealth to our DC already and plan our finances way, way more than PIL (and clearly my dad and step mum who took a risk at an age I never would!) ever did. I guess I find it odd that your parents save so much still and don't think to start passing some on - again I think that is more common in older generations. My generation definitely have the weight of providing more for the next generation (carefully - without ruining work ethic!).

This. Seen alot of these threads and suspect its some wind up, and im suitably wound up.
Married in 1977, after having saved every penny for two years to get a deposit for a home, walking to and from work, no haircuts, no holidays, no new clothes, no nights out, literally every penny. Honeymoon was 3 days at the coast. This pretty much set the scene for our marriage. Hard work and doing without. Everything was DIY. I was a builders mate for years! We had interest rates of 15% +. The mortgage went up literally every month. Yes house prices went up fast, but the next property you buy would also have increased. We sold first home after a few years and only way to 'go up the ladder' was to buy a renovation project, that we had to renovate, couldn't afford builders. It was a life of do without for 25 years. These days you have expensive cars, iphone every year, hair, nails, holidays abroad etc etc. Oh, and by the way, no help from parents for home buying, but they bought us a fridge and cooker. We paid for our own small registry office wedding, with a meal after for friends. I could go on. FFS stop moaning about how bad your life is. People are starving to death in Gaza.

Aren’t you going to inherit when they die? What’s the resentment about?

My parents are well set too. They both came from... not wealthy backgrounds. They absolutely didn't have any financial support from their parents because they had no money and lived in council housing. Both my parents have worked hard to get qualifications (DDad did 9 years of part time night school for his degree) and I am proud of how they managed to improve their lives.

They bought a house that has most likely tripled in value. DDad had a well paying job but 2x private school fees and their poor money management meant we were effectively skint.

Now? Final salary pensions and some investments maturing mean they are probably better off now than when they worked.

I don't begrudge them that. The economy swings around, sometimes people benefit, a lot of times they don't.

I do begrudge my parents voting tory to protect their pension even whilst knowing their policies were directly negatively impacting their friends and families.

I do begrudge them for phoning me and telling me how they couldn't spend their money every month directly after I had told them DH and I were struggling to pay mortgage plus 2x nursery fees (double the mortgage). I wasn't looking for money from them, but some self awareness would have been nice...

Not long ago they told me how they have a significant sum in savings, topped up each month. But that they figured out that they deserve it because when they were working, their taxes paid for pensioners. So really, i should feel sorry for them and that financial burden they had to bear when they were still working.

They have been very lucky due to the times they lived through as adults - their post war childhoods were very tough, they worked very hard, but they mismanaged their income each month and still ended up financially comfortable due to pensions and a lucky investment. Yet they talk to me as though I've made bad money choices (I've not, other than possibly the nursery fees) and it's that that means I'm not in a six bed house with three foreign holidays a year.

Anyway. It is their money. They can do what they want with it. I could just do without their desperate "us poor pensioners" act interspersed with their "we just don't know what to do with our cash" chat 🤣

Saved every penny for two years for a deposit is quite funny in context of the challenges faced by today’s young people…

I’m sure you made lots of sacrifices - but that ignores that the price of housing relative to wages is many multiples higher today than it was in 1977.

Its rubbish and I fear for my children getting a house.

Its even worse when all of that dosh goes into care home fees and you see none of it. Soon as we can we will downsize and give the cash to our kids so that they have something.

Married in 1977, after having saved every penny for two years to get a deposit for a home,

Surely your rent was pretty low to allow you to save a deposit in just 2 yrs!

How did your mum's realising she was lucky make you feel better? Was it that she gave you money, and your in-laws didn't? Or are you just annoyed at the lack of sympathy for your situation?

@Lissm i am a boomer and myself and dh have done very well. we worked and saved hard though and many years we didnt have a holiday. I compared myself to the people who went abroad twice a year and have nothing! it is not all down to luck, some of it is sacrifice. we did the best for our children and grandchildren. we have cleared their mortgages and the will inherit a lot when we die only if can can keep it from the bloody tax man though!! I was brought up in a council house.

What trash! I'm referring to 60s, early 70s, the time of 18% mortgage rates. Clearly even the doziest person on MN realises that the tech of today didn't exist, like it didn't exist 15 years ago but there were things we could have spent money on, bigger TVs, even colour TVs (!). We didn't 'always' go to the pub, once we stopped being students, we certainly didn't spend a lot on alcohol, eg a never ending range of gins, lots of vodka shots and so on, cider and bitter were our poisons of choice! There were holidays, often in a leaky tent in the UK or near the channel port, holiday flights were just becoming accessible in the 70s.