To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

[Lissm]

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

My BIL and SIL (mid 50’s) have higher pensions than salaries, they both retired last year.

The assumption is that money and stuff makes for happiness.
I don't know?

This country feels bleak tbh.

In a similar situation here. And the thing that really bothers me is that they seem to be completely clueless as to how difficult it is.

DH is on a good wage. So we're not poor by any means. But DM will drop a message about wanting to do XYZ which would cost £500 and doesn't understand that I can't just drop that kind of money on something frivolous without planning because we have a mortgage to pay, two cars to run so we can both work, childcare to pay for, bills etc etc etc.

So they say. I’d say that was impossible unless their final jobs were far lower paid than their career average.

Lies? Those hundreds of thousands of people at Glastonbury must be a figment of my imagination then. Or the million Oasis tickets sold for £300 a pop. Or all those people at the airport every time I go away. How on earth does the Charlotte Tilbury store manage to stay open with no customers, because it’s not pensioners spending £80 on a contouring kit?

Our kids are living at home, working hard, saving for their futures - they are in a very fortunate position - but there's plenty of room for them to look and us and resent our lifestyle without considering for a moment that the lifestyle we have took quite a few decades working and saving to acquire what we have, in the beginning we had nothing but debt and I'm not talking about mortgages. We have had enough times of being incredibly skint to understand what it feels like. We will enjoy our retirement, why shouldn't we?

Pensions in a lot of investment banks around 20 years ago were incredibly generous. My DH worked in one for six years before they changed the scheme. A few years ago he sold the final salary pension he would have got from just that bank for 635k, 635k, he was only there for 6 years. The pension scheme kept upping the offer to buy it from him and he eventually acceoted. My SIL did the same (they worked at the same place) and she got one million. This is just one of their pensions.
It is not impossible.

two cars to run

In my day we had 0 cars. Bikes and buses to get to work. * *

Yeah because you could afford to live near work...

Maybe not impossible but extremely rare to the point of extinction. It’s very misleading to try and present it as anything close to normal.

This thread has helped me to realise how lucky I am to have such a nice daughter.

She's in her 30's. We're not very well off but when we told her we had money put aside for her and her brother, she said she would rather we spend it on our weekends away which we enjoy so much.

Very true. And even a ‘gold plated’ pension isn’t worth as much if you retired 20-30 years ago. My DFIL had a big finance job in the city for his entire career. He retired in the 90s and his pension is about £30K, which is a very healthy pension amount (with state pension on top) but nowhere near comparable with the salary of someone doing a similar role today.

@Theyreeatingthedogs I agree. I doubt OPs parents had holidays abroad, meals at restaurants, take outs etc when they were younger. When we were growing up we had none of those things & I think younger generations seem to assume it’s the norm to go abroad, eat out, get take out coffees. Someone commented up thread about concerts & I know my parents wouldn’t have had money for things like that. I don’t know how getting hold of concert tickets is a signifier of whether you are wealthy or not!

Hmm I'd argue that lavishly spending it on crap or hoarding it while your family struggles for money probably isn't going to make you too many friends either.

I’m in a similar position to OP’s parents and am fortunate enough to own my own home and have sufficient pension for a decent retirement. However, contrary to many of the posts here my kids (in their 40’s) are buying their homes and have a much better quality of life than I did at their age, so it’s not all doom and gloom. None of us have benefited from inheritances and we all have pretty average jobs, so it’s very doable.

Did her brother feel the same say? Or is he not lovely?

Uphill both ways. Through the snow. With no shoes.

I agree. And life now is better in many material ways than when the boomers were born. Think of medical breakthroughs, improved communication technology, far more school-leavers having a chance to go to university (most student loans are not repaid in full), most people having been abroad on holiday etc.

But most importantly, OP, please don’t waste any energy on resentment. It does no good to anyone, and harms you.

You both sound lovely! That was normal when I was young. We were delighted that our parents had a chance to enjoy their retirement, instead of dropping dead in harness like earlier generations.

He's autistic and lives in supported living.

And yes, he is lovely and has a lot more morals and kindness than the greedy posters on here.

@Lissm I am a boomer and I would be devastated if I thought my children resented me for what we have. absolutely awful thing to think of your parents. Jealousy is not a good look on anyone! Sadly, I do remember reading many years ago that my grandchildrens generation were going to be the first who were poorer than their parents.

Yep, through the snow. But we did have shoes 👍

And train prices weren't a third of your monthly salary. WHY do people not get any of this. It absolutely astounds me🤦‍♀️. I'm an NHS worker and need my car for work. It is specifically in the job description. As it is for MANY jobs nowadays. Riding around on a bike also wouldnt cut it, having to carry equipment and travel many miles between patients.

DH spends £700pm on his commute. And he doesn't usually get a seat. I however, don't drive. So no two cars here. Not that it saves us any money 😂

I always think of that had been watching a recoloured film of people in tbe 1890's was thinking those poor kids don't know what's around the corner for them.
I really think it's more capatilism allowed to run wild the tories sold every state run thing off to make money for their friends and now theirs nothing left to sell.
Plus all the other changes and the fact that britian always had a housimg shortage, now so many extra people to house.
Plus actually a long period of peace perhaps thanks to postwar situation had we ever had such a long period in europe? This also helped that generation.