To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

[Lissm]

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

Yeah I get it. My parents brought a house in London for 70k that’s now worth 900k and it’s frustrating things are different now as I earn ok but could only buy a really tiny house and had to move away from the south east, my home.

But one massive privilege I have is a don’t have to worry about paying for a care home if they need is as their house will pay for it and I may even inherit some of that house. Some people don’t have parents who can leave behind this sort of asset.

Our mortgage was secured at 11% in 1979 on a new build. By the time we moved in, six months later, it had gone to 17% because of a change of government. It settled back down at 15% and stayed there for quite a while because of various factors. At one point the mortgage was all of my salary and about a quarter of my DH’s. We didn’t think we’d survive it and talked many times about selling up and trying for a council house. It wasn’t all gravy train for all of us, no matter what MN thinks of Boomers.

Maybe common the Scotland but not in the rest of the UK.

Yes many lenders will lend 3.5 times salary NOW but they DID NOT years ago. Me and DH went to lots of banks, building societies etc and they would not put our salaries together but only give x amount on the separate amounts. They all gave a higher amount for the higher wage and then 1.5 for the lower wage.

We both earned reasonable salaries but had to save and scrimp to get a deposit together only to be told it was not enough so we had to get a top up mortgage to buy.

We bought our house for £19,750 and had to buy a house 45 miles from where we both worked in London as we just could not afford to buy anywhere in London

My response was not rude but it was true whether you like it or not

Both my parents and my in-laws were able to retire in their mid 50s. They bought houses for £9k and £11k respectively which are now worth £300k and £400k. Both sets of parents have good savings - £400k in the case of the inlaws.

I don't resent them but my goodness I wish they could see how lucky they have been.

We're on a great combined income but still have a child at university, will have a mortgage into our 60s and might be able to retire at 67 if we can downsize. Meanwhile we get comments like "I have a hospital appointment, it would be easier if you could take me. Why don't you think about retiring early?" and last week's corker from MIL "Have you never thought about buying a holiday home?".

They just don't seem to realise how expensive life is.

And if you do go into a care home, you can insure against the cost of spending 10 years there with an immediate needs annuity, which limits the amount of your capital that you have to burn through. The majority of people who go into care homes die fairly soon afterwards, which is where the insurance companies make their money on such policies. By buying one you eliminate the risk of the entire house evaporating.

Those things are the little incidentals - the real issue is house price inflation. I've posted this before but when DH and I bought our first house in 1990 it cost less than twice our joint income as graduate trainees. Looking at that house and those salaries the multiple now is x8. More than a 4 fold increase. All the avocado on toast that those young grads can eat is not going to breach the gap.

Going back properly into the boomer years (I'm not a boomer) I've also posted this quite a bit. One of my friends at school was the daughter of one of the local GPs. Mother was a SAHM - had previously been a nurse. That family lived in a large house on one of the best roads in the city with a big garden - included a tennis court. Both parents had cars and they had 4 children at private school at the same time. They holidayed abroad. No way would that lifestyle be affordable on a GPs salary now in an expensive part of southern England. Salaries don't go as far and house price inflation is the main reason for this.

Another thing people forget that high interest rates of the past aren't too dissimilar to what people have seen recently due to the size of the mortgage.

I think what I was trying to say is that they aren’t all good. Mine isn’t, if you spend your working life trapped in minimum wage jobs it doesn’t matter what pension you have, it’s always going to be very little.

You couldn't get 3.5x both salaries when we bought in 1980 and the poster saying you could is talking rubbish.

Me and DH tried lots of banks and building societies to get a mortgage and none of them offered that.

Yes you are right that it was only 1x the woman's salary. I thought it was 1.5x but realise now it wasn't. I was actually the higher earner but they would not take that into account

From the way you’ve described your parents they obviously managed their money well and probably did without a lot of things. Rather than criticising, you should be seeking advice from them about how you can manage your finances better

My Dad hated being in debt and paid his mortgage off by working all hours and the occasional big win on the horses. I was about 10 yr old when it was paid off

My mum received about £300 compensation for a road accident (in the sixties) and after she started a part time job in a supermarket managed to save over £16000 when she retired in the 80s

Some people just do without to make sure they are financially secure

@DaffodilValley you are missing the point. It might not be a lot but still better to have final salary if on minimum wage than what is offered now.

This really baffles me:
I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

Why did you think every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living? There's absolutely no reason whatsoever why that might be the case. There is also no reason to believe your children will have it any worse.

I completely understand you OP.
Obtaining a mortgage/secure housing (council) was much more achievable for that generation than those after. I don't doubt that many did work hard for all they have but the simple fact is, they were also very lucky.
My grandma was a single parent to three children and was able to buy a council house by herself. You can be waiting 10+ years nowadays for a council house and even then must be practically homeless to even be considered. Forget even trying to buy your own house and save for a deposit when rents are also now sky high due to private landlords charging whatever they like! In years gone by, you either bought your own house or rented from the council. Yes, interest rates were high but boomers just dont seem to understand the simple concept of wages x house prices. I live in the North and house prices and rentals are rising just as fast as the south. 30-40 yrs ago, houses may have been 2-4 times yearly wages. Its now more like 10x. Its impossible. The world is a different place, and not for the better. Myself and my partner both work full-time and can't even envisage owning our own home. We will also likely be working until we are 67+. No retirement ages of 55 here! We don't drink or go out a lot. We don't have lavish holidays and we don't spend money on designer gear. Yes we have phones and a car each but again, nothing lavish. They are needed in this day and age to get to work as we don't work locally. Also, something previous generations do not understand. It isn't as easy to get local jobs that you can walk to. Getting public transport would also cost a lot more than petrol and servicing our cars per month. People. Just. Don't. Get. It.

Agreed.

You think your MIL shouldn't have an emergency fund for her emergencues yet you expected to have access to her fund when you had an emergency. Can you see the irony?

I'm really baffled that people think things shouldn't improve what with innovation and technological advances. It's unusual for things to progress and then go backwards isn't it @AnPiscin, when has this happened in modern times?

Plus younger generations are paying more for things so to pay more but get less is unusual.

There is also no reason to believe your children will have it any worse.

Anyone with an iota of intelligence can see it will be worse for youngsters simply because of the demographic changes.

ICI used to give their workers share options. There are a lot of people in the north east who are very wealthy indeed as a result.

Don't presume. My top tip.

As I'be said, it's the situation I hate and not them. I love them, they're my parents.
I do feel, they along with millions from their generation, have benefited enormously from being born when they were.

I remember when his employer closed down its final salary pension. There were threats, demonstrations, letters to MP. In the end they agreed to close the final pension scheme to new entrants on the provision it would remain untouched for current memebers - it was very much, "I'm OK Jack," not just from
him but almost all his colleagues.

Its a very reasonable assumption to make. That future generations will " do well"

What a joke, no chance for my AC.

My employers do that....the share prices have rocketed this year so we've all done very nicely out of it.

Things have improved with technological advances - you are much more likely to survive cancer now than you were in the 60s for example. But in terms of economics and life chances, things have always been up and down. Someone born in the 1890s experienced two world wars - I doubt many of that generation would say they had it better than their parents.

As for the next generation, the falling birthrate will free up houses and make property more affordable.

I have just gone into the catagory of being ok off . We’ve paid our mortgage and my kids are all renting . They all complain about struggling and not being able to get on the housing market , but they do go out every weekend and drink,have meals out , have holidays, and generally are ok . They would all love to have more money and are always saying they are skint. I’d like to be able to help them more and I prob could . I do take them out,buy them nice treats etc . But when husband and me were bringing them up we had literally nothing. I had 2 jobs. No benefits and no holidays . It really was a struggle . Now husband has worked his way up his company I’m still working part time but my money is mine to spend on what I want now . I go away with friends and buy myself whatever I want . I don’t know how my kids feel about it , but they sure as hell don’t struggle as much as we did when we were bringing them up . Not saying you are this way at all and I do understand what you are saying but back in the 80s , 90s it wasn’t all plain sailing !

ICI used to give their workers share options

Were companies more generous in the past? You often read where the owners of a factory built housing for workers in parts of the country, I can't imagine that now.

I don’t really know what is offered now, my other pension which is a standard private “money purchase” one and came from my time working for a charity, will pay much more than my final salary one.

@Goldengamer do your dc have dc? surely if they had dc they would be struggling same as you!