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Original poster

I've just seen the most depressing thing

512 replies

Havesomecommonsense · 26/08/2025 10:48

In a coffee shop, in comes a Dad and his daughter (roughly 3 years old)
He made a comment to the daughter about this being a weekly visit before he dropped her back to the mum
He then sat her on his lap, gave her a phone and she watched instagram videos and he watched his own phone holding it over her head..
He gave her some food, which she kept choking on intermittently. He barely said 2 words to her
Yes I'm judging, but fgs do better

OP posts:
Flomingho · 27/08/2025 00:11

Playing devil's advocate here. Maybe he had something urgent message wise on his phone he needed to reply to. However, if the little girl was making choking noises whilst eating that it really irresponsible and neglectful.

Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 27/08/2025 06:09

mousey67 · 26/08/2025 23:11

Op you started this thread this morning and you’re still here 12 hours later arguing the toss about why this man is such a waster and it’s so depressing and he’s so shit and so lazy. But you’re not overly invested? Ok then.

If this is as it looks to an outsider then yes I agree it’s a bit lazy. But you’ve gotten into a real flap about a small snapshot into a strangers life. There’s no need for you to judge. The child wasn’t in danger (clearly wasn’t choking as pp have explained). And while it isn’t something I’d do with my toddler, I wouldn’t waste my life judging others over it or argue about it all day on MN.

You don’t know what’s going on with other people. Unless it’s a dire emergency I generally find it better all round to mind your own business.

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Not in a real flap or over invested
Chatting on a chat forum about an issue I saw

OP posts:
Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 27/08/2025 06:12

DeborahKerr · 26/08/2025 23:49

again, you can't make comments like that without telling us how old are YOUR children.

What happened to NORMAL behaviour like talking to your child

Are you making a judgey comment because you are confusing your opinion with facts and the reality of being a parent, or are you pretending to be superior because of the way you are raising your own little darling?

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I can make comments and give opinions about whatever I want , regardless of what other posters ask or whether I answer it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 27/08/2025 06:14

Are you making a judgey comment because you are confusing your opinion with facts and the reality of being a parent, or are you pretending to be superior because of the way you are raising your own little darling?

Neither of these snarky options
I'm not confused, it's a fact that he was not parenting well.
And not pretending to be superior

What a strange and needlessly snide post

OP posts:
RhaenysRocks · 27/08/2025 08:14

OP I'm sorry some pp have given you such a hard time..the obvious points of SEN and snapshot have been covered repeatedly but it seems that now we cannot have any kind of general discussion that goes beyond that, accepting that those things are not always factors. You are absolutely right that ignoring a three year old for an entire cafe visit is piss poor parenting. That's all there is to it really. None of us are perfect, I'm sure we all do less than perfect things as parents, but that's what this forum is for, to discuss and chat. If having an opinion on something is no longer acceptable then this and all others chat forums should close 🙄

Dundonia · 27/08/2025 08:19

lol isn’t it convenient that he happened to mention to his child about it being a weekly visit before returning her mum etc, just enough narrative for you to form a nice clear picture.

WhatALightbulbMoment · 27/08/2025 08:21

DeafLeppard · 26/08/2025 11:57

I hate the trope that “oh, it’s only a snapshot, it might be the only down time they have”. Pound to a penny the people doing this do it all the time, they haven’t just finished 2 hours of wholes father - daughter bonding.

I agree. If you see parents doing this, chances are they do it most of the time.

SaltAirAndTheRust · 27/08/2025 08:21

Dundonia · 27/08/2025 08:19

lol isn’t it convenient that he happened to mention to his child about it being a weekly visit before returning her mum etc, just enough narrative for you to form a nice clear picture.

right?

RhaenysRocks · 27/08/2025 08:26

Dundonia · 27/08/2025 08:19

lol isn’t it convenient that he happened to mention to his child about it being a weekly visit before returning her mum etc, just enough narrative for you to form a nice clear picture.

Given how many men do only see their kids once a week or less it's not that odd is it? I overhear dads with kids in the shops asking what they like to eat with mummy, what they have "at home". It's not an unlikely scenario is it, that the dad in this scenario only sees his kids once a week?

Dundonia · 27/08/2025 08:29

RhaenysRocks · 27/08/2025 08:26

Given how many men do only see their kids once a week or less it's not that odd is it? I overhear dads with kids in the shops asking what they like to eat with mummy, what they have "at home". It's not an unlikely scenario is it, that the dad in this scenario only sees his kids once a week?

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Not at all. What’s unlikely is that he provided a tv sitcom style narrative/update about it so that the OP was clued up on the background.

Lairymary · 27/08/2025 08:39

redjeans28 · 26/08/2025 13:36

This is awful. Do you never let your child just be in the real world? I find it absolutely shocking that some children can't just stand in a queue or sit at a table without their brain having to be occupied by as you say "a distraction". You have absolutely no idea the damage you're inflicting on your child.

You talk as if this is the norm, it's far from the norm. My youngest is still only 13, these 'distractions' were around when she was a toddler, it never crossed my mind to use them to shut her up at all times.

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Nope, the only time I've given my child a tablet or my phone is to distract them at the airport, otherwise it would have been hell for other people and very stressful, she was playing games and watching Peppa pig, not scrolling Instagram or tiktok, as i have neither of those apps anyway. I don't need to give her a device when we out and about because she is fully entertained by her surroundings and generally has a very good imagination. It's just the general tedium of the grey, boring airport. Believe me, the over use of devices is really sad and depressing and I was actually trying to make a case for kids that would have full on meltdown etc because of neurodivergency for example. Not all kids are able to keep themselves quiet and amused so I can see why some parents have to resort to it. I'm definitely not defending the caregivers that are actively scrolling or engrossed themselves and ignoring their kids. As I said in my earlier post, what OP witnessed, appeared sad and disheartening, I'm just sticking up for the folk that have a really tough times with behaviour beyond their control. Just to add, the only time my phone is being used when we're in public, is if I'm taking photos, I'm never scrolling or distracted as I'm constantly interacting or monitoring my children.

RhaenysRocks · 27/08/2025 08:47

It's one line , not hard to imagine at all that the OP would over hear it and its irrelevant anyway. Who cares? The point of the discussion is if it's poor parenting to act as he did? Everyone is so busy picking part the op and devising the most unlikely scenarios to justify it and show how "unjudgy" they are..maybe if we had a few more people looking out for neglected kids there'd be fewer of them on the news. And yes I know there's a large difference between ignoring your kid for a screen and harming them in the way we have seen but it's the wider point. Sometimes some judgement is exactly what is needed.

Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 27/08/2025 08:47

Dundonia · 27/08/2025 08:19

lol isn’t it convenient that he happened to mention to his child about it being a weekly visit before returning her mum etc, just enough narrative for you to form a nice clear picture.

Lol 🙄
This is what happened

OP posts:
Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 27/08/2025 08:51

RhaenysRocks · 27/08/2025 08:47

It's one line , not hard to imagine at all that the OP would over hear it and its irrelevant anyway. Who cares? The point of the discussion is if it's poor parenting to act as he did? Everyone is so busy picking part the op and devising the most unlikely scenarios to justify it and show how "unjudgy" they are..maybe if we had a few more people looking out for neglected kids there'd be fewer of them on the news. And yes I know there's a large difference between ignoring your kid for a screen and harming them in the way we have seen but it's the wider point. Sometimes some judgement is exactly what is needed.

Exactly
MN does go weird these days on some threads, some posters seem to be Intent on closing down a discussion which is against the point of the whole frigging site!

OP posts:
redjeans28 · 27/08/2025 13:10

Lairymary it's been said repeatedly on the thread, no-one is talking about ND children. If you had bothered to read my post I actually said I understand how much of a godsend screens can be for some children.

BatchCookBabe · 27/08/2025 13:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

BatchCookBabe · 27/08/2025 13:34

Dundonia · 27/08/2025 08:19

lol isn’t it convenient that he happened to mention to his child about it being a weekly visit before returning her mum etc, just enough narrative for you to form a nice clear picture.

.

Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 27/08/2025 13:35

BatchCookBabe · 27/08/2025 13:34

.

Edited
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No not astounding
However much troll hunting you do, it won't change the fact that this did happen

OP posts:
GreenFlag · 27/08/2025 18:10

Maybe a relaxing moment with his daughter is what he’d been looking forward to all week. Just because he doesn’t live with her doesn’t mean he should be a performative Disney dad on the days he has her.

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 27/08/2025 18:21

GreenFlag · 27/08/2025 18:10

Maybe a relaxing moment with his daughter is what he’d been looking forward to all week. Just because he doesn’t live with her doesn’t mean he should be a performative Disney dad on the days he has her.

This isn’t a ‘present’ moment with his daughter though. It sounds like he just ignored her for the whole time.

Justgorgeous · 27/08/2025 18:22

OP, there will be many people that defend it and those are the people that give their children screens and social media at 8 years old.

Original poster
Havesomecommonsense · 27/08/2025 18:22

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 27/08/2025 18:21

This isn’t a ‘present’ moment with his daughter though. It sounds like he just ignored her for the whole time.

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He did

OP posts:
Perfectmixofcute · 27/08/2025 18:23

Justgorgeous · 27/08/2025 18:22

OP, there will be many people that defend it and those are the people that give their children screens and social media at 8 years old.

Nailed it

SixtySomething · 27/08/2025 18:27

Edenmum2 · 26/08/2025 12:00

insane thing to say. Absolutely none of your business what your daughter does with her own child.

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What nonsense.

DeborahKerr · 27/08/2025 18:33

Havesomecommonsense · 27/08/2025 06:14

Are you making a judgey comment because you are confusing your opinion with facts and the reality of being a parent, or are you pretending to be superior because of the way you are raising your own little darling?

Neither of these snarky options
I'm not confused, it's a fact that he was not parenting well.
And not pretending to be superior

What a strange and needlessly snide post

until you tell us if you have kids yourself, and how old they are, anything you say is completely meaningless