I've just seen the most depressing thing

[Havesomecommonsense]

In a coffee shop, in comes a Dad and his daughter (roughly 3 years old)
He made a comment to the daughter about this being a weekly visit before he dropped her back to the mum
He then sat her on his lap, gave her a phone and she watched instagram videos and he watched his own phone holding it over her head..
He gave her some food, which she kept choking on intermittently. He barely said 2 words to her
Yes I'm judging, but fgs do better

I mean I don't think op has kids, which is why it's easy to judge - otherwise she could tell the distinction between coughing up some food (red-faced, normal with small kids learning to manage their own intake especially if she was having something yummy amd stuffed a bit too much in- and blue-faced, choking, which is a medical emergency and which doesn't happen in sequences)

I also don't quite get how anyone can tell someone is on insta unless you are peering above them/right next to them. They way screens are designed I can't tell without leaning in what my dh is looking at on a tube seat next to me. Anyhow, yeah, it's not great screen time regardless but there's no way we know what else was happening and how long the dad had the girl for.

Edited typos

That's not always possible and the world should not revolve around children ALL of the time. If you are seriously saying we should bring up kids to become adults who cannot cope with sitting through a meeting or formal occasion where they may not play an active part but their presence is required once in a while then the world is doomed. Everyone needs to learn that not everything is about them but suck it up. Or can I just piss off from my INSET sessions next week which will be endless being talked at?

Mothers do this ALL the time, always seeing them pushing buggies with a hot drink in one hand and phone tucked under the chin, completely ignoring their child/ren. ALL the time. It's not just dads

to be fair she didn't challenge the man - I always do find it odd on these threads that everyone has countless of examples on when it was a dire emergency and they HAD to look at their phone and we all must assume that anyone on their phone with kids around must be having a crisis - in any one situation no we don't know that but as a general principle it is absolutely true that there is too much of it to be good for anyone.

Even if they'd only seen a few seconds, they would still judge. Judgypants gonna judge.

@missrabbit1990

It’s just pathetic and lazy. My child aged two is allowed to watch limited TV at home but a coffee shop is an opportunity for interaction, chat, vocab building, playing I spy etc. You're too lazy for that? Don’t have kids then.

What's the weather like up there on the top of that high horse? 🐴

And I spy?!?!! 😂 You play I spy? OMFG! 😂 Maybe you should broaden your horizons a bit. I Spy is the most naff and boring game in the universe.

What 'limited TV' do you allow your child?' Open University? Panorama? University Challenge? Mastermind? Do tell. I'm all ears. We all need advice from such an expert parent. 😎

100% this. ^

I could see the phone and I could also hear the insta stories
So we are ok with the parent not even glancing at the child who was learning to eat choking/coughing etc as he was too busy on his phone
OK then

Also half an hour on his phone, he wasn't typing , just scrolling. I mean probably he was reading the world's most important and emergency email while ignoring his spluttering child. But I mean, I'm the goady one

Did you go over and help the child if she was choking, did you bring it to his attention?

yep, i'm with you on this OP

don't be such a snark - I spy is brilliant for kids - there's so much inverse snobbery and unpleasantness on here and in the world for intelligence - the rejection of expert opinion in favour of random Joe Public's thoughts on the issues of the day being my pet peeve. Not every second has to be educational and worthy, of course not, but that's the point - with young kids. they don't even know that the game is teaching them, reinforcing colours, numbers, letters.

How do you figure that out

The cafe visit could be a weekly thing

Nope, you won't be 'whatabouting' me
This is my opinion about something I saw and the discussion of that opinion.

the op said he'd referred to this being their once weekly time together - I'm not sure it makes much difference for a child as young as three, an entire visit with no interaction as described is not ok even if its a SP who gets no break (and I am one) but it makes it less reasonable to excuse it as a "snapshot" if he only has limited time with her.

What on earth are you slabbering on about? What's with all the fucking emojis?

As an aside - i understand it can look alarming but this is not choking - it’s just gagging and a natural part of learning to eat.

as others have pointed out - if she was choking she would have required emergency assistance.

Yes I do understand this
I have never amd would never ignore this in my child or anyone else's

Not every mother has the mental capacity to be ‘on it’ 24/7 pointing out new vocabulary and entertaining their child every second of the day. Not all mothers are even ok. in the slightest. If they’ve got prams they’ve got young children and may not have slept for years. Patience tested to the max. And that’s not even taking into account the temperament of their child. You’d think there would be a bit more empathy on this site but the level of judgement is mind boggling.

There are lazy parents, I’m not denying that. There are parents that take the easy route and god knows I’ve done that before. But we’re all mothers and when we look at someone doing something we wouldn’t do - just try and remember one of your worst days and something you did to make it less hellish. Letting her child watch peppa pig for 10 mins might be the break she needs to survive the day.

Because there’s a lot of examples where people need to find their own fucking business

But maybe she’s on maternity leave or a stay at home mum and she’s already spent majority of her morning being engaged with her baby? She could have been checking Google maps for a route to a playgroup? Or planning a journey? No one questions the men who can go to work all week and don’t bother checking in when they have free time (ie a FaceTime call during lunch break). If you’re with your baby all day then you’ll have to also do housework/ life admin with them in tow.

Op you started this thread this morning and you’re still here 12 hours later arguing the toss about why this man is such a waster and it’s so depressing and he’s so shit and so lazy. But you’re not overly invested? Ok then.

If this is as it looks to an outsider then yes I agree it’s a bit lazy. But you’ve gotten into a real flap about a small snapshot into a strangers life. There’s no need for you to judge. The child wasn’t in danger (clearly wasn’t choking as pp have explained). And while it isn’t something I’d do with my toddler, I wouldn’t waste my life judging others over it or argue about it all day on MN.

You don’t know what’s going on with other people. Unless it’s a dire emergency I generally find it better all round to mind your own business.

MN and all the other forums would cease to exist. She didn't go up and challenge the guy. She's chatting about it on here. No need to be quite so stroppy.

what gaslighting?

We get your opinion, but if you can't back it up by dealing with pre-school kids yourself, you lose what little credibility you had 😂

again, you can't make comments like that without telling us how old are YOUR children.

What happened to NORMAL behaviour like talking to your child

Are you making a judgey comment because you are confusing your opinion with facts and the reality of being a parent, or are you pretending to be superior because of the way you are raising your own little darling?