Play date - no gadgets shock

[Dontlookbackinangeriheardyousay]

10 year old had a play date, 10 year old friend comes round and asks to play a game with our child, it’s on Roblox, we said no you don’t have a friend over and sit on gadgets. Friend looked horrified. It then became clear friend had no idea what to do or what to play as we wouldn’t allow gadgets on a play date. We have an abundance of toys/games plus lots in the garden including a huge paddling pool/pogo sticks etc.

Is this what play dates are now? Kids rock up with a gadget, sit on the sofa next to friend and stare at screens for several hours then go home? The only interaction they have with friend is via a screen.

We will continue to be gadget free play dates but I suspect that friend won’t want to come again.

My kids naturally want to play computer games but if left to their own devices will also do other activities too.
however it is easy for “just” play games. So I give them boundaries (usually time on screens) and ideas for other activities

so they will play a game. Then go to the park. Then have lunch. Play another game. Then go into the garden to trampoline / swing / nerf gun. Make cupcakes or whatever (eg paint or make up). Then play another game.

this works for teen and primary school age kids.

Get off MN and do some knitting/sewing/jigsaw or go for a walk.
My eldest GD is ten, she likes sketching, but is out of playing. She has a reading comprehension of 14 and has started her periods. The OP's DD is a young ten, that's ok but it doesn't mean every child has to mirror the youngest in their year. Gaming is still playing together. I've started doing word games because it's been found that the digital versions still supports brain health as physical crosswords do. We are going to completely live online when the now ten year olds are the age of the average MNer.

I don't do mindless time, never had. Or when I do, I am running, not sitting down doing nothing.

"reading a book" well, yes, but that's why most parents would at least give a book to the child, not expect him to seat on the sofa bored rigid!

Apart from the exhaustion factor, surely it's actually not great for kids to have their activities scheduled and dictated all the time. How do kids actually learn to amuse themselves if they're being timetabled like that?!

Exactly. Screens are not the Devil ffs.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s. I only really played computer games and so on at other people's houses - my parents weren't anti-gaming or anything, but my 'screen' activity was watching films, I was a complete movie nut. I was also a massive reader/writer.

One of my friends was always gaming, saving up for games, messing around with her computer etc. Constantly glued to a screen.

I graduated with a 1st class degree in English and she graduated with a 2.2 in computing - guess which one of us is now hugely successful, has lived all over the world and earns a ton of money?

Clue: it's not me! Her starting salary in her first job as a graduate was more than double mine.

I find it so weird when people dick on about 'screens' as if every screen-based activity is somehow the same. A child using 'a screen' can be doing any number of things, most of which are creative, communicative, engaging and educational. It's mad to treat, eg, playing Minecraft like it's the same activity as bullying each other on Snapchat ffs.

The faux moral superiority from these sorts of threads cracks me up
well done op
have your badge for being oh so much better

I am a big believer in letting children get bored sometimes and having to work out their own stuff to do. Constant helicoptering and scheduling doesn’t help anyone.

People forget that children are people too. When they get together, they want to just chat and have a laugh.

I would hate it if I was with a friend as an adult and every second was a scheduled activity and we were constantly supervised. When would be get to gossip, chat and make up stupid stuff? Why do some people think children are so different?

Yes, totally - I'm always amazed that some people try to engineer their kids' leisure time so much, for exactly this reason.

????? what ?

He's 10. He wants to 'hang out' with his mates which will likely involve screens. I think you're being naive if you think a pogo stick will be a fun afternoons entertainment.

I believe this to be a poignant moment. A mother inviting friends to play (age 10 lets not forget) and the child invited overs first idea is let's play on a computer. The issue is that I have had this experience first hand. option a) crack on and sit at the computer option b) Roblox is not on the menu for the play date. The trouble is the child who has been raised with screen, screen screen will show off and the play date is ruined.

Now computers, iPads, iPhones, TV's, Xboxes etc are all great fun. But please lets not forget that these devices have caused SO much harm and arguments in the home.

• They are addictive
• the addiction causes anxiety, depression, anger, lack of concentration
• 1 in 3 teenagers are now on an antidepressant - Thats 1 in 3 !!!!!
• These were mostly about staggering levels of addiction they had observed in their children, but also about instances of traumatising content in games their children could access despite parental controls, grooming, emotional blackmail, bullying, extreme political imagery such as avatars in Nazi uniforms, and strangers .

So I just wonder, why anyone, would not support a mum. On this occasion who is facilitating play AWAY from a screen? What can possibly be the rationale of women and men supporting (Roblox by the waited is rated for teenagers not 10 year olds). Any type of screen? of course these things are in our lives, but why would you support screens over natural, keeping fit, active or creative play?

Oh dear

Screens seem to inspire so much sanctimony in some people! I've seen many a tween/teen Mario Kart get together but would never describe the participants as zombie-like. They're generally communicating with each other non stop!

Because most of us advocate balance. Therefore, spending time online with friends (together or apart) is not the big deal some people make it out to be.

I have a 10 year old. We don’t have screen time limits because we don’t need them. He gets plenty of fresh air, plays sport most days, goes out to meet friends in the park on his bike regularly and likes playing board games.
I don’t begrudge him playing grow a garden or whatever when he chooses. It been a way for him to keep in touch with friends who don’t live close by.

He would be mortified if I tried to dictate a screen free ‘play date’. And rightly so.

But this is the problem. Clearly most people do not advocate balance. You in your home maybe aware and balancing screens as much as you would diet, but the majority of the UK population are not. The statistics prove this.

Why? All she wants is them to not revolve around devices!! Welldone OP for standing your ground and actually encouraging kids to behave like kids.

It's really sad the child had forgotten how to play at such a young age :(

If we wanted kids to behave like kids for longer, we wouldn't send them to secondary school at 11.

Same. My 12 year old is in school all day, he trains -‘ his sport two nights a week and one day at the weekend. He reads books like they are going out of fashion and loves to watch films with us as a family. I am not going to stop him having time on his console where he has a big group of friends, chatting, having fun and making plans to meet up. He deserves his down time.

My 9 year old does out of school activities three nights per week and one day at the weekend. She loves baking and reading and making bracelets, she loves the trampoline but when her friend is round they will spend some of that time on Roblox because they dont play online together yet so love to sit next to each other and play. I don’t see an issue with it and I don’t foresee either of my DC becoming unproductive members of society because they use screens.

Didn’t people mistrust books in the past and say they rotted young minds? They said it about heavy metal music in the early 2000’s, they said it about horror movies, there has always been something for adults to get worked up over, these days it’s screens.

How do you know the child in question doesn’t have balance? You’ve made a whole host of sweeping statements and you’ve no idea whether they apply in these circumstances.

if you keep commenting and forgot how the discussion started, I understand your problem.. 😂

A mother inviting friends to play (age 10 lets not forget) and the child invited overs first idea is let's play on a computer.

Screens are like sweets, the kids that are obsessed and can't do anything else on a "playdate" are the ones who are not allowed them at home. They don't know how to control themselves.

Others are much less bothered

Unfortunately, parents have no say over how the school system works! And the two tier system is a real hatred of mine but what can we do other than homeschooling, but not everyone has that option......