Play date - no gadgets shock

[Dontlookbackinangeriheardyousay]

10 year old had a play date, 10 year old friend comes round and asks to play a game with our child, it’s on Roblox, we said no you don’t have a friend over and sit on gadgets. Friend looked horrified. It then became clear friend had no idea what to do or what to play as we wouldn’t allow gadgets on a play date. We have an abundance of toys/games plus lots in the garden including a huge paddling pool/pogo sticks etc.

Is this what play dates are now? Kids rock up with a gadget, sit on the sofa next to friend and stare at screens for several hours then go home? The only interaction they have with friend is via a screen.

We will continue to be gadget free play dates but I suspect that friend won’t want to come again.

Play dates and long car journeys are the only times I don’t limit screen time.

I think it’s pretty off to say ‘no screens’ when they are 10. I don’t get involved in what my 10 year old does/plays with on play dates unless they ask me to (I mean obviously I make sure they are safe etc!). It’s their play date, not mine and I’d be pretty pissed if my 10 year old told me how to hang out with my friends!

Stop being a judgmental arse. And I say that as someone who also didn't allow an abundance of gadgets for my children when they were small.

However, what I didn't do was look down on others or their children for their parenting.

It's better if it's not regimented like that.

At that age, playdates can be anything, but it's up to the kids to decide. Mine wil either be on the Playstation together, or watch or movie, or decide to build a treehouse or have a game of football or rugby, sometimes all of the above.

Sometimes they're in the mood for s'mores on a fire in the garden (obviously with parents!), sometimes they're on a screen marathon with even more friends on the phone.

They're still rather obsessed with trampolines too, even older than I thought they would be. Sometimes they need just a bit of encouragement

I would suggest a time limit.

No it doesn't. You need to brush up your reading and comprehension skills.

It’s a sad world we live in that so many parents DO NOT discourage gaming AND alllow so much of it. Especially on a play date - perfect opportunity for kids to explore their imagination and have real exhilarating fun - instead of staring at a screen.

Or just stick to your guns and free up the play date time for anything other than staring at screens.
there’s too much allowing them time on TV, then iPad, then Xbox.
and the children are only 10 years old ! 10 !!!

So just to be clear - your children associate car journeys and play dates with endless staring at screens? Imagine by the time they are adults how much time out their lives that is ? And I assume they get more sceeen time in other scenarios ? Add that all up and it’s frightening

I’m assuming you’ve never taken 4 kids on an 8 hour journey. I mean we don’t do it lots so it doesn’t really add up to much. But we are surviving not thriving!

I am sad to hear you are surviving not thriving . Never to late to make changes x 😊

No. They associate car journeys getting to the place we are going, it’s a means to an end - we don’t just drive them around for 8+ hours for fun! The fun bit is the things we do when we get there, the journey is just the way we get there. The screen is just something for them to do while we drive there.

They associate play dates with playing with their friends, on the games they all enjoy playing. They are playing multiplayer games, they’re not sitting playing their own individual games, so not really that different to playing Monopoly or something (in fact they did play Monopoly on the Switch a few weeks ago).

They’re 10 not 3, if I dictate what games they play with their friends, their friends probably wouldn’t want to come round again and then what? My kid has no friends? I’m sure they’d love me for that!

I don’t find it frightening at all. As others have said; back in the 80s, 90s, 00s kids were playing together on games consoles. So not that different to a long journey with Gameboy or a playing with friends on a MegaDrive.

When I was going to mates houses at a similar age we were playing Tony hawks pro skater on PlayStation, or sims on PC. It wasn't anti social, sims is single player but we would sit together and both be involved. This was over 20 years ago so it's not a new thing

My eldest is a couple of years older and I don't 'manage' his play dates and haven't for a long while. They disappear upstairs and as long as they are happy/quiet I don't get involved at all unless they come hunting for snacks or to ask if they can play a certain game (like a game rated older than they are, we allow certain pegi 15 games but if he has friends over he has to check so I can check with their parents first).

Tbh I don't do much more for my youngest kids play dates either, I just check in occasionally to make sure they're playing nicely, they can play the switch or the Xbox if they want but the xbox is in a common area and he doesn't have access to older rated games on the switch

Keeping car journeys free from gadgets is one way to teach patience.

very worrying how the next generation are going to turn out.
do some research I beg of all your MUMS
10 years old !

My “research” are my now adult children, who all did the same. Just fine and doing brilliantly.

Bravo to all the mums out there prepared to stand against the “normal” and “expected.
bravo to all the parents who do not cave in to iPhones at - apparently some junior school children have them ?
bravo to all the parents that set clear boundaries and limits on screens.
and bravo to protecting play dates from technology and protecting your children.
it is our job to protect our kids. And give them the best chance in life.
don’t allow all these screens - just because “everyone else does”
and well done apple - your one of the multi billion pound companies making your money from “pressure sale “ “my kids got to have that”
FYI the children of these tech giants - they are not lost in the digital world. They are living life

It's also one way to drive you to distraction when they won't stop arguing, asking how much further, fiddling with seatbelts and stuff, constant 'look at this!'

My eldest watches videos on his phone with headphones on, occasionallyreads his book, youngest plays games on the switch (cant read yet), and I've got my music up. Everyone is happy, I can concentrate, we are safe and sane

Our kids will be fine, you worry about yours and let us figure ours out

Oh and proof that these gadgets are addictive, a complete waste of time, lead to reduced sleep etc etc you’ve read all the concerns:
well here I am - instead of reading my book I’ve come on here - 2 hours ago !! I mean how ridiculous - what a waste of my energy - so if I an adult can’t put these sodding thing down think of the poor children - now where’s my book I need to leave this thing downstairs in future - in fact I need a Nokia ! 😀

Does it though?

Sorry, but I don’t agree. I am a very patient person. My husband is very patient (and he probably played on screens more than I did as a kid!). In fact I’m in my 40s and don’t know anyone who didn’t have a games console and/or PC games growing up. And actually I think my kids are pretty patient too.

Growing up, I lived a long way from my extended family so would often have long car journeys. I played Gameboy, read a book, played Barbies, listened to a Walkman, did puzzles. Don’t see how that’s different to what my kids do, except swap Gameboy for Switch/iPad and Walkman for Spotify.

In a year or so they will be at secondary school and start to organise their own social lives. At 10, I think you might have to start loosening the reins a bit. Maybe suggest they go play in the garden for a bit, and then have some snacks, and then they can do what they like.

Personally I much prefer the traditional prep school/middle school system where kids only start senior school at 13/14, but in a world where we're encouraged to see 11yos as 'grown-up' enough to leave behind the cosy and supportive environment of primary school for all the responsibilities and lack of nurturing in secondary schools, I think it's unfair not to accord them a suitable degree of independence alongside that. And at 10, children need to start being eased into this by being less "helicoptered".

Why would you question if all 10 year olds are like this.
Of course they're not.
Some are, not their fault if they've been allowed to become addicted the screens.

Adults fiddling on their phone is a solo activity and excludes everyone else present. It's rude.

Kids playing Roblox is a social activity involving a shared experience and active communication. There's absolutely no comparison.

Last time I checked, I didn't see ANY adult sitting doing absolutely nothing on planes or trains.

Why do you expect children to be bored senseless when no adult would put up with that nonsense?

This 💯

Sounds like you need to address a problem you're having then. But no need to ruin things for other people as a result!

you haven't got kids have you?

Shame on parents who don't prepare their kids for real life and don't let them access to today's technologies.

If you had kids, you would know that SCHOOLS expect children to have phone, to access homework, manage their diner money, order stuff and contact their parents when needed.