Play date - no gadgets shock

[Dontlookbackinangeriheardyousay]

10 year old had a play date, 10 year old friend comes round and asks to play a game with our child, it’s on Roblox, we said no you don’t have a friend over and sit on gadgets. Friend looked horrified. It then became clear friend had no idea what to do or what to play as we wouldn’t allow gadgets on a play date. We have an abundance of toys/games plus lots in the garden including a huge paddling pool/pogo sticks etc.

Is this what play dates are now? Kids rock up with a gadget, sit on the sofa next to friend and stare at screens for several hours then go home? The only interaction they have with friend is via a screen.

We will continue to be gadget free play dates but I suspect that friend won’t want to come again.

what a lot of nonsense.

My kids had "playdates" when all they did was playing football. Their choice, they couldn't be bothered with the Playstation. I have absolutely nothing against physical activities and I am happy for them to spend 2 hours kicking the ball, but that "exploring their imagination" and being with the fairy is ridiculous.

No @araiwa it doesn't sound like that at all. I am convinced some people come on AIBU simply to have a pop.

In the 90s friends would come round and play on the Sega Megadrive for a bit. Then we’d play with toys or go out on our bikes/play in the street. I reckon there’s room for everything.

I don’t know any ten year olds who are still playing in paddling pools.

When I was 10, back in the 80s, I’d go to my friends’ houses and watch MTV the whole time. I spent whole weekends playing Nintendo and remember fondly the sleepover party when I finally beat Super Mario Bros 3.

I managed all right in life, despite such shocking unwholesomeness in my formative years. Got a good degree and a decent career and have plenty of friends and fairly solid social skills, if I do say so myself. I’m able to think fairly clearly and read entire books and string a sentence together.

Lots of screen time isn’t the end of the world.

I have a lot of 1990s memories playing video games on our sega genesis or N64, dancing along to music videos, and spending ridiculous amounts of time browsing the video rental store for the perfect VHS for when my friend came over Friday night. In uni and my single 20s there was plenty of time piled on couches watching TV and movies with friends. My parents have similar memories, albeit with video arcades and drive-in theatres. Now as adults we meet/host friends in pubs or homes to watch live sports because watching with others changes the experience.

"Screens" have been a part of our social lives for decades and they don't necessarily mean kids aren't engaging with each other or connecting. Yes, sitting silently on a phone ignoring the person who invited you over is rude but then so is pulling out a book and reading in that situation. DH and I talk to our DC about manners and choosing activities that include guests and we do sometimes give time limits for things like video games, but we don't see blanket bans as being worthwhile or helpful.

Playdates at our house are always screen free. I discourage my kids going on play dates where they’re allowed unsupervised screen time. It’s only been a problem once and I’d much rather that child wasn’t a friend anyway so it’s a win win situation!

Toys? What toys do ten years old play with these days? Pogo sticks? Paddling pool? It’s not the 1970s and they are not young kids. I suspect no friends are going to be coming round again.

Mine aren’t averse to a bit of water based stuff on a hot day, maybe a slip and slide would go down better than a paddling pool. We had one when my son was 10 and a group of boys were on that for absolutely ages.

This is the issue. Even parents are unable to use their imagination, consider other activities other than screens. Its as if time before gadgets has been forgotten. - bored senseless - have some mindless time? reading a book? countless other activities?

I was bored shitless before I had the internet in my hands. I’m 46, I spent a lot of my childhood alone and bored out of my mind, save for the TV.

Yeah, I read books. Now I read things on the internet. Whats the difference? I’m still learning things.

My 11 year old plays fifa with his mates when they come over. They also play football in the back garden, walk to the shop for snacks etc so feels quite balanced.

My 13 year old, they probably do spend a lot of time on phones but they also like to sit and chat with me and DS.

i mostly just leave them to it.

no it doesn’t. it sounds like OP wants them to yanno…play!
YANBU OP

They are playing though.

I’ve been a parent for 23 years now and my god, at every stage I’ve met parents who are obsessed with no screens.

Ive got one friend who won’t let her child bear any attention all. They have no TV. He’s 5, and he’s been to quite a few parties we’ve had. He stands screaming in my living room most of the time, in front of the tv shouting that he wants it on. She’s gone to far and she’s made him obsessed with wanting it.

There’s a beautiful irony to this OP
On her gadget
tapping away about her son not having gadgets

Playing a game together is still playing even if it’s on a screen.
Most kids that age would do a mix of activities on a play date. I have a 10 year old and would find it odd (and a bit preachy) if someone said this to him on a play date. At that age they don’t need an adult dictating how they play together.

Bit of a stretch.

Some parents get far too involved in play dates.

I’ve never been the type to set out activities, even when they are 4/5. I just let them get on with it. Obviously when they are very little I supervise and have had to step in if one is tired and it gets a bit heated, but that’s as far as it goes.

I’ve got one friend who sets an entire itinerary even now that her child is 11. It looks exhausting.

I’m the same. As long as they aren’t doing anything daft I’ll leave them to it.
Yesterday DS and his friend played on Roblox for a bit but they also went to the park and spent a couple of hours devising a military strategy for their made up county 😂😂

Lot of smug, controlling people on this thread. Poor kids living such prescriptive lives. Let them play Roblox ffs. You're taking it way too far.

What do you mean by itinerary? Do you mean for play dates she sets up loads of activities for them to do? That’s bonkers

Kid’s going to become an odd ball who won’t know how to entertain herself

Yeah, I wasn't a computer geek at all but I remember playing loads of computer games and also early console games in the 80s and 90s at mates' houses. It wasn't unsociable at all!

Arrive at 12, bake cup cakes and decorate until 1, crafts until 2, then make popcorn and put a film on until 4, then go and shop for ingredients to make their own pizzas, come home, make the pizzas and eat, then another crafting activity. Pick up at 8pm.

That was the itinerary she text me when my dd went round a few days ago.

They are 11. They start secondary school next week. They want to play Roblox with their mate online and all chat, they want to be alone to chat, mess around, listen to music, watch crap on YouTube together and laugh.

She’s always hovering over them making sure they are “doing” something. My dd loves her dd, but she find it a bit exhausting. She just wants to chat freely to her mate without her mum there all the time.

Shes been like that since day dot. Every second has to be filled with some sort of wholesome activity. I’d be a sobbing wreck in the corner trying to keep that up constantly.

(My itinerary - “do what you like, let me know if you are hungry.”)

God almighty that sounds smothering. Your itinerary wins hands down.

I remember at 11 me and my friends used to like baking cakes and selling them round the streets for pocket money. We did it ourselves. A “play date” at that age (not that anyone had ever heard that term before) consisted of playing video games, making up dances to music, watching movies, making ice cream sundaes, or heading out on our own on our bikes or off to the cinema. Parents often wouldn’t even be at home if it was the summer as they’d be working.

Playing a game together on a screen is no different from playing a board game together.

This is what I don’t get, is it just the fact that it’s on a screen that bothers people so much?

if they were sat silently colouring next to each other for an hour, why is that better?

I really don’t understand it. My children learned a hell of a lot from gaming. One became a developer which led on to a career in a field the armed forces, and is doing really well. I was told he was wasting his life/time when he was 12/13/14 and constantly on his computer. What he was actually doing was setting the foundations of a really lucrative career that lets him travel the world with work now doing something he loves.