To think it takes real strength for a woman to stay single, in a world where so many people settle just to say they have someone?

[TheRubyMentor]

I see so many people rushing into relationships that don’t actually make them happy, just so they can say they’re in one. It feels like society still values having a partner over choosing the right one and a lot of people end up in situations they’re not truly happy in.

Meanwhile, a woman who stays single because she refuses to settle, often gets questioned, pitied or told she’s “too picky.” But isn’t it actually a sign of strength to hold out for something meaningful rather than just grabbing onto anything?

Has anyone else noticed this or do you think I’m being unfair?

I literally could have written this. Especially the first and last sentences

100% of me thinking a partner would be nice is money.

Not sex. Not companionship. Not emotional support. It’s money. I earn a decent amount and even I have to budget carefully. I see couples and am envious of the financial progress they can make.

I don’t think any of the women are doing that. The only poster who has claimed most women are with men they don’t want is male.

Agreed. The amount of couples I know that are together purely because it's easy/convenient is a lot.

Some women struggle with financial responsibility/independence so a partner (especially a wealthy one) solves this for them.
You still often hear the "Find a rich man" line!

Yeah,my crystal ball was faulty. The decent man I married wasn't decent 12 years later when he no longer had any use for me.

Sex with someone you love is great. But if it never happens, then what? Companionship, mutual respect, support, kindness...doesn't have to come from a romantic relationship.

A couple of years ago I was randomly attacked off two school mums about our 5 years falling out..... and me being single was one of the biggest things they used to try and "throw in my face" 😅.....

Both of their boyfriends are abusive 🤦‍♀️ .... I'd rather be happy and single than be in an abusive relationship. Could not imagine being the sort of woman who would rather be in a 10+ year abusive relationship than know her own self worth

It really must just depend on who you know because hand on heart I don't know a single woman who is 100% happy in her relationship. They look like they are on social media, but behind closed doors it's actually shit

It doesn’t take strength to be single, bit of a strange take. I’m happily single, and fortunately most people seem to accept that I’m content. People who know me well know that I’ve never wanted children so I haven’t had that added pressure of finding someone. I just don’t feel any need to be with a man I will undoubtedly have to make compromises for. Almost all of my friends are in shitty relationships, they are expected to be the main child carer, work full time, take care of the home and all the wider family, including in-laws. No thanks, I’ll stay happily single in my lovely house with my beautiful dog and go on numerous holidays.

Yes, this.

Not sure it’s a sign of strength. I mean I don’t know anyone (other than my sister’s 24 year old au pair, who is the very definition of ‘hot’) who has men lining up waiting to date them.
But settle? Yes I think a fair amount do that. Partly societal pressure to couple up, partly the devil you know, partly fear, partly ‘can’t be bothered to “get out there” again’.
As a long term single person (my DH died when I was 47), I feel no pressure at all, though it would be nice to have someone.

I think it depends what else is going on for you and what you value. If you have a rich life in other ways then no. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and for her, a man's love just is all consuming in importance. For me, having genuine friends who like me as a person (and now I'm a mum, being a good mum) are far more important. We figured that our experiences growing up probably contributed. My mum was always with her friends and there wasn't an obvious romantic interest until I was in late primary. Her dad lived with her but it was always a battle for his love.

I don't think it's strength for me, I just prefer it.

I never felt being single required any strength. It was very easy to not go on dates, to not call men back (or answer their messages) after one night stands and to live my life exactly how I pleased. Relationships looked like much harder work - and they are in a sense, you don't get to be anywhere near as lazy and selfish as you do by yourself.

I recognise that social pressure is a thing but it's a bit tiresome to see grown women constantly blame it for all their life choices. Part of becoming an adult is to recognise that social pressure is bullshit and to free yourself from it - whether that's unrealistic beauty standards or the idea that women are only validated by being in relationships and becoming mothers. That's something I worked out as a teenager. The next step is to surround yourself with a positive social network of people who won't put that pressure on you. The friends I chose as an adult were the kind of people who would never, ever have made me feel incomplete or inferior for being single or child-free.

Not really. I think it’s often more about personality types. I distinctly remember thinking loudly that I’d rather be on my own than with the wrong person when I was in my 20s.

Same. I only ever had two boyfriends (not for lack of offers) because I just wasn't interested in dating anyone for the sake of it, or unless I really thought we'd be totally compatible long-term. I married the second one and we've meen married 22 years. I did always want children though, so by the time I met dh at 29, I was definitely looking for a partner. I'm pretty sure I still wouldn't have consciously 'settled' with the wrong person though.

One of my closest friends fits this description. She is the strongest minded person I've ever met. She never ever does anything she doesn't want to do. She told me she never married because she thought she'd be compromised and less happy and she has never met anyone she thinks is truly happily married. I mentioned two close friends of ours, both in long successful marriages. She raised her eyebrows. I mentioned DH and me. She raised her brows again. We are very happily married, although I have put up with things most women couldn't stand because on balance I am happier with him than without him and he has a huge number of good points to offset the few very striking bad points that she clearly thinks are intolerable.

I suspect lots of people don't think compromise is a big deal. I don't. I actually think compromise is a key basis of a fair and considerate society. But some people think it's a sign of weakness and she is one - happier alone.

No. I think most people do what they want most of the time. Yes, absolutely there are some people who would prefer a relationship but for whatever reason haven’t found one, but the overwhelming majority of my longtime single friends (40s and 50s, one late 60s) are single because they prefer it. And those of us who are in relationships are so because we want to be.

But surely that is true of almost anyone during the course of a lifetime. No one is 100% happy in their career, or friendship group or what they have done wth their life, or their looks, finances, home, family dynamics etc etc etc. 100% happiness 100% of the time is a ridiculous pressure to put on any aspect of our lives. I never expected to be 100% happy with DH for the rest of my life and am bloody glad he never put that pressure on me. We have both had our ups and downs. The point - for us – was to have someone you love and like and trust and whose company you enjoy and moral code you largely share, to go through life with, to support each-other during the bumps and cheer each-other on during the uptimes and raise children with joint responsibility. I want to leave him a couple of times a day. But I'd remarry him within seconds!

You're making this about you and it's not. From your description, your ex is a low life who abandoned his children and refused to co parent. I doubt his only flaw during the relationship was not putting the bins out.

I said that a romantic relationship is different to friendship and that includes intimacy. My point about sex was that it's a common trope that all women have to do for sex is meet some random creep in a bar. I'd rather be celibate.

I’m Autistic and agree. I have always had really long gaps between relationships (normally around 6 years) I loved my time being single and enjoy the freedom of not having to think about anyone else. I still love my own company more than being around most other people.

I agree with the majority here- I’m single and it’s not strength that keeps me single. It’s honestly my choice and I am happy with that.

I don’t feel the pressure to have a partner either. Maybe it’s because I have kids but our life has been happier and calmer without the complication of another man and possibly his kids too. That hypothetical man’s children will also be happier not having blending forced on them. I know that there’s a small percentage of cases where it works but I think that blending is about the adults’ interests and unfair on kids. If I’d found a man that I wanted to be with, I would not have blended our families.

I was very picky and it is a miracle I found anyone I deemed good enough for me. But I was totally economically viable alone. As dreadfully vain as it is I was beautiful when young, worked as a model and had zero issue attracting men, it made me a good amount and was the deposit on my first flat at 21 in the overheated SE. I then retrained in a profession in my twenties.

@MiloMinderbinder925 I agree with your post about children being kryptonite for many women. I was not bothered about having children at all
It wasn’t until I met DH that I wanted them because he was worth having children with. But a couple of my women friends made awful decisions because they wanted children. One is divorced and one is now divorcing. They did at least get the children they wanted but what a mess.

I agree with the Chris Rock joke😊 I will check out the YouTube video as it seems like it contains a lot of interesting info.

I am a high earner and would still prefer a rich man to a poor one / having 100% of the financial load.

Contains a lot of stereotypes with no evidence you mean.