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Original poster

Shitty text from friend about new boyfriend

76 replies

123Bree · 25/08/2025 16:00

One of my friends has a new Boyfriend who we met for the first time yesterday (myself and DP).

We went to a local pub where they had a bank holiday event on, a DJ and BBQ etc.

Her Bf seemed a nice guy to begin with, but got progressively drunk as the afternoon progressed. He started making a few comments, mainly commenting on other people in the bar where we were sat and also outside as we were looking over the garden where the DJ was.

A woman was stood up from her table and dancing. The Bf said that he bets she will be on all fours tonight. I asked what he meant. He said her partner will be in for a good night. I said that’s a strange thing to assume from someone dancing and he mumbled a reply.

We left soon after (it was reaching the time we said we’d go anyway).

My friend messaged me last night asking why I created an atmosphere and that I was being uptight(!) to have said that to him when he was just having a laugh. I replied to say I found the comment offensive and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. She read the message and hasn’t replied.

Was I OTT to say something?!

OP posts:
Ivenoname · 25/08/2025 16:13

You did right to call him out . It wasn't a funny comment. It was pretty disgusting

Moveoverdarlin · 25/08/2025 16:15

Yeah I think you sound uptight. I would have laughed. He made a slightly risqué comment and you made him explain what he meant like a stern school teacher.

He was probably just trying to make a joke.

maslinpan · 25/08/2025 16:16

I would definitely have called him out too.

TheSmallAssassin · 25/08/2025 16:18

Moveoverdarlin · 25/08/2025 16:15

Yeah I think you sound uptight. I would have laughed. He made a slightly risqué comment and you made him explain what he meant like a stern school teacher.

He was probably just trying to make a joke.

Why would you make a "joke" like that to people you'd only just met? It's not the 1970s!

Marylou2 · 25/08/2025 16:22

How grim OP. Perhaps I'm uptight but I wouldn't be socialising with someone who said that type of thing. Is this the type of comment your friend would usually find amusing? You definitely weren't OTT and I wouldn't message her again, just to make it clear that the comment was offensive.

Starseeking · 25/08/2025 16:25

He sounds gross and not someone I’d want to associate with. You were right to call him out on that comment.

Redruby2020 · 25/08/2025 16:27

I think you was right. Also good luck to your friend because this guy has shown who he is already, and it’s not something i would want to experience again in my life. A man drunk regularly and what goes with it! Embarrassing, showing you up, things they say and do.

chunkybear · 25/08/2025 16:29

So he got pissed and made sexual comments about a girl dancing and you’re creating the atmosphere …. Nice!! I’d steer clear fora while til she realises and bins him off

NorthSouthEast · 25/08/2025 16:30

Moveoverdarlin · 25/08/2025 16:15

Yeah I think you sound uptight. I would have laughed. He made a slightly risqué comment and you made him explain what he meant like a stern school teacher.

He was probably just trying to make a joke.

What a weird thing to laugh at.
Some bloke you don’t know well comments on a woman he doesn’t know at all and his comment is how he thinks she’ll be having sex this evening, based on her getting up to dance. What’s funny about that?

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 25/08/2025 16:31

Your friend has lowered her standards, doesn't mean you have to.

Flipperlappers · 25/08/2025 16:31

Is his name Benny Hill?

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 25/08/2025 16:34

He’s a dick. He didn’t like being called out for being a dick.

Original poster
123Bree · 25/08/2025 16:36

Marylou2 · 25/08/2025 16:22

How grim OP. Perhaps I'm uptight but I wouldn't be socialising with someone who said that type of thing. Is this the type of comment your friend would usually find amusing? You definitely weren't OTT and I wouldn't message her again, just to make it clear that the comment was offensive.

He is certainly different from her two previous long term partners who I don’t think would have dared make such a comment! And she isn’t someone who I’d say would usually find such a comment amusing either.

OP posts:
sandwichlover93 · 25/08/2025 16:57

Sounds awful. You’re not being uptight. That’s what men like to make women think they’re being. Equally that’s what some women will tell you you were in a desperate attempt to be ‘cool’ and ‘unbothered’. It’s such a weird tenuous comment too. It’s not like she was on all fours gyrating or anything (not as though his comment would’ve been okay if she was) but she was just dancing….

Mama2many73 · 25/08/2025 17:10

I assume he's had a go at her, about your comments, once they were home which has resulted in her message to you. Well done for standing your ground with her, she prob wasn't expecting it.
I wouldn't spend time with a person like that. I dont think I'm uptight/prudish but I really hate it when people do sexual banter, just not acceptable as others have said 2020 not the 1970s!

TheGreatWesternShrew · 25/08/2025 17:12

No you’re correct what a gross and misogynistic comment. I’d have told her it not going to stay quiet while a bloke sexualises a random stranger for no reason.

Dweetfidilove · 25/08/2025 17:13

Disgusting comment and your friend's bar is heading to hell.
Why wouldn't she say to him off air- nope, your comment was completely unnecessary and dickish, instead of blaming you.

EdisinBurgh · 25/08/2025 17:16

He made a gross sexist drunk comment.

You gently called him out on it “what do you mean?” - hardly a major rebuke

Your friend is being oversensitive probably because she knows he’s a bit of a dick! But also you should be able to get past this and socialise again. Hopefully he learns his lesson and holds his tongue in future (at least around you!!)

Hatty65 · 25/08/2025 17:17

You weren't OTT - and good on you for saying to her you found the comment offensive. Why should you pretend to be 'cool' to keep her new neanderthal happy?

Don't respond again. I'd not be meeting up with the two of them again. If she has previously been a good friend I'd see her on her own, but if she raises the subject I'd make it clear I think he's a prick and I'm not interested in socialising together as couples.

pictoosh · 25/08/2025 17:19

Well, that's the friendship scuppered for now anyway.
She'll side with her new boyf.

Shame.

Evergreen21 · 25/08/2025 17:22

Your friend has low standards.

CoffeeCantata · 25/08/2025 17:22

Moveoverdarlin · 25/08/2025 16:15

Yeah I think you sound uptight. I would have laughed. He made a slightly risqué comment and you made him explain what he meant like a stern school teacher.

He was probably just trying to make a joke.

No - it was gross.

OP has established her boundaries (or ‘been uptight’, depending on your personal views) and this couple can now decide whether the relationship is going to work with OP. Why should she go along with disgusting comments to appease a horrible crude bloke?

hattie43 · 25/08/2025 17:23

He sounds horrible

Daleksatemyshed · 25/08/2025 17:23

Well her new BF is an arse who gets worse the more he drinks. Don't say sorry Op, he was offensive, if she can't see that then that's a her problem

pictoosh · 25/08/2025 17:25

Asides from anything else, it's a basic person who bases their personality on commenting on other people...sleazy or otherwise.
Small people do that.